Geppetto I, King of Italy

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Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 12:40am

In 1881, an elderly woodcutter in rural Tuscany takes a notion to carve a marionette of a young boy out of wood. Astonishingly, it comes to life as a belligerent young boy whom he gives the name "Pinocchio" to, and who takes to rampaging through the small town causing serious calamity until he is eventually apprehended by the townsfolk and hanged to death. Piqued by his newfound gift, Geppetto refines the process and expands it to make fifty marionettes of full-size men, each more mature and dutifully obedient to their master than Pinocchio was, which he promptly puts to the task of seizing power in the town. With the townsfolk under his yoke and his unfailingly devoted wooden soldiers at his side, Geppetto resumes the production of wooden men, intent on seizing the crown of Italy for himself.

Can Geppetto unseat Umberto I and become King of Italy?
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Raw Shark » 2018-05-21 03:54am

I don't see why not. Geppetto's wooden army block crossbows while he issues commands, resist all normal small arms, and generally fuck shit up. They also sail and cannot drown. All hail king Geppetto.

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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Steve » 2018-05-21 04:03am

Heh. More direct than what happened in "Fables".
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Khaat » 2018-05-21 10:07am

Raw Shark wrote:
2018-05-21 03:54am
I don't see why not. Geppetto's wooden army block crossbows while he issues commands, resist all normal small arms, and generally fuck shit up. They also sail and cannot drown. All hail king Geppetto.
They can, however, burn, and as any good mob knows: torches and pitchforks. Also, the other fairy tale would-be dictators and/or heroes would shut this down, it's built into the genre.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by KraytKing » 2018-05-21 10:11am

They'll burn, but not by torch. You ever tried to set a small tree on fire with a torch? You'll need a lot of fire, probably oil. Easier to smash them with sledgehammers until they aren't functional enough to be dangerous, then set what's left on fire afterwards. Or, y'know, just sling a fuckton of fire.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-21 10:47am

TithonusSyndrome wrote:
2018-05-21 12:40am
In 1881, an elderly woodcutter in rural Tuscany takes a notion to carve a marionette of a young boy out of wood. Astonishingly, it comes to life as a belligerent young boy whom he gives the name "Pinocchio" to, and who takes to rampaging through the small town causing serious calamity until he is eventually apprehended by the townsfolk and hanged to death. Piqued by his newfound gift, Geppetto refines the process and expands it to make fifty marionettes of full-size men, each more mature and dutifully obedient to their master than Pinocchio was, which he promptly puts to the task of seizing power in the town. With the townsfolk under his yoke and his unfailingly devoted wooden soldiers at his side, Geppetto resumes the production of wooden men, intent on seizing the crown of Italy for himself.

Can Geppetto unseat Umberto I and become King of Italy?
Did Master Cherry give him enough wood to carve fifty wooden soldiers, let alone enough to conquer all of Italy ? Or the location where he found said wood?

(I'm assuming you're using the original novel as your source material)

Moreover will Austria-Hungary seize the opportunity to stop Geppeto?
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 12:53pm

Raw Shark wrote:
2018-05-21 03:54am
I don't see why not. Geppetto's wooden army block crossbows while he issues commands, resist all normal small arms, and generally fuck shit up. They also sail and cannot drown. All hail king Geppetto.
This is 1881, the Italian army should be somewhat better armed than with just crossbows. Not enough to put down a man-sized puppet in one shot, but maybe enough to wither one away with sustained fire over a given period. Also, artillery.
Khaat wrote:
2018-05-21 10:07am
They can, however, burn, and as any good mob knows: torches and pitchforks. Also, the other fairy tale would-be dictators and/or heroes would shut this down, it's built into the genre.
This isn't a fairy tale setting, this is historical 1881. Umberto I is King of Italy and Agostino Depretis is prime minister; the town Geppetto lives in is never stated more explicitly than "rural Tuscany" so he could be under the jurisdiction of any one of the ten provinces that constitute the Tuscan region, but he's certainly not very far away from Florence or Siena. There will be troops garrisoned in the region nearby with absolute certainty - in fact the first person Pinocchio tries to fuck with when he bolts away from Geppetto the first time is a cavalry officer. Whether or not they'd be able to muster cannon or Gatling guns or just sufficient volley-fire rifle arrangements in time to stop the puppets is another matter, as the Italian army in this period was infamously ill-organized.
U.P. Cinnabar wrote:
2018-05-21 10:47am
Did Master Cherry give him enough wood to carve fifty wooden soldiers, let alone enough to conquer all of Italy ? Or the location where he found said wood?

(I'm assuming you're using the original novel as your source material)

Moreover will Austria-Hungary seize the opportunity to stop Geppeto?
Yes, the original novel is the source, and I'm assuming Geppetto has somehow overcome the original restriction on making living lifesize puppets. Whether or not Austria-Hungary intervenes? Well, what do you think? :P
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-21 12:58pm

I think Geppeto has a good shot at the Italian throne. Assuming, of course, no one rediscovered the secret of Greek fire and roast wieners, marshmallows and whole steers on the burning corpses of his wooden soldiers.😁

And, yeah, Austria-Hungary will seize the opportunity to intervene.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 01:03pm

It becomes more feasible when you realize that he isn't strictly averse to recruiting humans either. He's bound to seize treasure along the way that would allow him to augment his ranks with mercenaries, and there are probably plenty of disgruntled veterans of the wars of Italian unification who would see this as a chance to somehow undo 1870.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Tribble » 2018-05-21 02:25pm

So how exactly do you successfully hang a puppet anyways? It kinda reminds me of this scene:




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcgWp1Mf504
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 04:35pm

Beats me. Why does Pinocchio need to eat food? :P
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Simon_Jester » 2018-05-21 05:52pm

Raw Shark wrote:
2018-05-21 03:54am
I don't see why not. Geppetto's wooden army block crossbows while he issues commands, resist all normal small arms, and generally fuck shit up. They also sail and cannot drown. All hail king Geppetto.
I dunno. It's 1881. Long range rifles are a thing. Exploding shrapnel shells are a thing. Gatling guns are a (rare) thing. Being made out of wood makes the wooden soldiers tougher than real dudes, but given that each wooden soldier has to be personally hand-carved by one guy, that only gets him so much traction.

Plus, Geppetto has nothing but his magical power to make wood golems going for him. No connections, no name recognition, no one personally loyal to him.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 06:01pm

Unless Geppetto is ridiculously stupid, he should be able to figure out that he can get other puppets to prefabricate 90%-complete component parts for new puppets and put the finishing touches on them himself to bring them to life. That should cut down on production time substantially.

As far as name recognition goes, late 19th century Italy basically only needs a decent spin on how to cast Geppetto's gift as being divinely bestowed and popular discontent with the new unified kingdom to turn into a populist figure. A couple of speeches on how Umberto is sitting on a throne of lies anointed by the desecration of the holy church should fix him up on that one, particularly if he issues them in Tuscan Italian.

Also worth noting; even when the "enchanted wood" restriction applied to the creation of Pinocchio, Geppetto was able to fashion replacement feet for Pinocchio out of regular wood after he burned his into nubs when he fell asleep with them on a coal pan. Not only was a (fussy child) living puppet able to sleep through their feet being burned off, apparently repairwork to already animated puppets can be done with mundane materials by anyone whatsoever - including presumably the puppets themselves.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Elheru Aran » 2018-05-21 06:53pm

In Fables, the wooden men could use mundane wood for body parts, and the heads were capable of surviving apart from the bodies. So the head and possibly the body (they were never coupled after separation IIRC) is the important part for using magic wood on; limbs and whatnot are less important. This would be one way to stretch out the stock of magic wood.

The wooden men are going to always be more limited in number than meat people. So it's best to use them on a small scale as line-breakers or stormtroopers, leading assaults or engaging in high-risk missions. They can take more damage-- no flesh and blood to bleed out. After the initial conquests, use your new subjects as a military. Conscripts are nothing new; 'hey guys, sorry we had to kick your ass, but guess what, you get to kick someone else's ass now, work out all that aggression, and guess what we'll be right behind you all!"
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by TithonusSyndrome » 2018-05-21 07:27pm

There's no stock of magic wood in this scenario, I'm removing that restriction to give Geppetto a fighting change. He needs only to put them together, and the parts can be in any state of relative completion prior to Geppetto starting work on and eventually assembling them. Obviously this doesn't mean he can put them out in industrial quantities, but he could come pretty close.

Basically what I'm clarifying is that after completion, repairs would no longer require Geppetto's touch to take to the puppet body.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-21 10:29pm

Simon_Jester wrote:
2018-05-21 05:52pm
Raw Shark wrote:
2018-05-21 03:54am
I don't see why not. Geppetto's wooden army block crossbows while he issues commands, resist all normal small arms, and generally fuck shit up. They also sail and cannot drown. All hail king Geppetto.
I dunno. It's 1881. Long range rifles are a thing. Exploding shrapnel shells are a thing. Gatling guns are a (rare) thing. Being made out of wood makes the wooden soldiers tougher than real dudes, but given that each wooden soldier has to be personally hand-carved by one guy, that only gets him so much traction.

Plus, Geppetto has nothing but his magical power to make wood golems going for him. No connections, no name recognition, no one personally loyal to him.
The Nordenfelt as well, IIRC.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-21 10:32pm

TithonusSyndrome wrote:
2018-05-21 07:27pm
There's no stock of magic wood in this scenario, I'm removing that restriction to give Geppetto a fighting change. He needs only to put them together, and the parts can be in any state of relative completion prior to Geppetto starting work on and eventually assembling them. Obviously this doesn't mean he can put them out in industrial quantities, but he could come pretty close.

Basically what I'm clarifying is that after completion, repairs would no longer require Geppetto's touch to take to the puppet body.
If he gets enough puppets, enough subjects, and a factory, then he could crank them out.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Simon_Jester » 2018-05-23 03:01pm

I'm pretty sure he still has to personally handcarve them all?
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Jub » 2018-05-23 05:04pm

Simon_Jester wrote:
2018-05-23 03:01pm
I'm pretty sure he still has to personally handcarve them all?
It looks like the clarification means that he just has to put the final touches on each part to make the magic happen. So he could have his other puppets, or even human workers, carve him parts and he just needs to do whatever step is required to go from lifeless doll to golem. There will still be a hard limit on how many he can awaken each day and that depends on how much time/effort his part of the process takes. The good news is that any excess capacity works for replacing damaged limbs so post-battle recovery time ought to be very rapid.

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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by LaCroix » 2018-05-24 10:59am

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Cuirass hit by an 1815 cannon.
What do you think would 1881 era artillery do to a few 100 wooden men...

His army is little more than split logs the moment the real army shows up.
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by bilateralrope » 2018-05-24 11:31am

So it all comes down to how many wooden soldiers he can build before the army shows up.

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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-24 11:54am

LaCroix wrote:
2018-05-24 10:59am
Image
Cuirass hit by an 1815 cannon.
What do you think would 1881 era artillery do to a few 100 wooden men...

His army is little more than split logs the moment the real army shows up.
Kindling more like it.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by Elheru Aran » 2018-05-24 05:04pm

The question is whether the Italian army of 1881 is competent and organized enough to respond to an uprising like this without sparking further revolts across the country, and how quickly Geppetto can expand his control of the region. It also depends on how tactically and strategically astute he is, versus professional/semi-pro soldiers (I honestly have no idea what the Italian military was like in this period, all I know is it did semi-okay in WWI and was kinda pathetic by WWII).
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by U.P. Cinnabar » 2018-05-25 12:12am

They were more professional than the navy was at that time.
"Beware the Beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone amongst God's primates, he kills for sport, for lust, for greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of Death.."
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Re: Geppetto I, King of Italy

Post by KraytKing » 2018-05-25 02:15am

LaCroix wrote:
2018-05-24 10:59am
Cuirass hit by an 1815 cannon.
What do you think would 1881 era artillery do to a few 100 wooden men...

His army is little more than split logs the moment the real army shows up.
Split logs and kindling, just as real men would have been ground beef. No man on the field can withstand cannon fire; it is no weakness of the wooden men that they are nearly as vulnerable.
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