Avengers: Stupidity War

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TithonusSyndrome
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Avengers: Stupidity War

Post by TithonusSyndrome »

Suppose the events of the upcoming MCU Avengers film go ahead as intended based on what we do know from the trailer, but with one significant modification: Thanos has gained the support of the full cast of villains from the entire 11-season run of Aqua Teen Hunger Force to do his bidding and locate the Infinity Stones for him. These beings include, but are not limited to:
  • The Mooninites: Two-dimensional aliens from the Moon, Inignokt and Err, with a similarly pixelated spacecraft. Their ray guns fire energy bolts that are downright glacial in terms of speed, but when they do connect they will instantly teleport the target to the Moon. They don't need to rely on them, however; they are surprisingly swift on foot and very nimble larcenists.
  • The Plutonians: Shambling conical aliens made of protruding, jagged snarls of flesh. Largely incompetent and useless in combat but they do have some impressive tech, like teleportation, rapid cloning and a cloaking warship.
  • The Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past From The Future: A tall and slender ducklike android who claims to be the Ghost of Christmas Past, and may or may not be a time-traveling cyborg on a mission to undo the carnage wrought by a prehistoric feral ape masquerading as Santa Claus. The only power he appears to have is the ability to divine events from the past he didn't witness, but with massive confabulations.
  • Mothmonsterman: A humanoid insect-man who can fly, produce silk, and is drawn to powerfully bright lights. Not terribly menacing individually but capable of asexually reproducing 1,000 offspring within what appears to be approximately one week.
  • Dr. Weird (And Steve): A brutally insane mad scientist whose experiments have no clear purpose and typically conclude by inflicting unspeakable and surreal agony on himself and his sidekick. Assuming Thanos has the power to restore him after his many self-defeats, he could potentially produce any number of useful weapons, albeit more or less at total random.
  • MC Pee Pants: A homicidal rapping eight-foot tall spider wearing a diaper. Upon death, he is typically reincarnated by Satan as any number of other animals, though typically with less killing power each time.
  • Rabbot: a twenty foot tall robotic rabbit with the power to spray hair formula at anything whatsoever, including inanimate hairless objects, and instantaneously cause them to grow over with thick, long hair. Very durable, with armor capable of passively deflecting energy blasts.
  • Markula: a 4000 year old vampire impervious to sunlight and stakes, but still vulnerable to garlic. Commands a flock of lesser vampires that swarm about in the form of bats.
  • Wi-Tri: A glassy tetrahedron-shaped alien AI in the guise of a personal supercomputer, capable of self-reproduction and planetary terraforming in sufficient numbers.
  • The Creditor: Basically the Predator, but with a coke addiction.
  • Oog: An immortal prehistoric caveman kept in peak physical condition by a time-travelling orb-shaped supercomputer that has the power to fly with sufficient speed to concuss a human target. Strong enough to rip furniture in half bare-handed and given to sudden bouts of rage.
  • Allen: An alien with the technology to monitor the behavior of every human on earth and instantaneously reduce anyone it deems deviant into a pool of blood with surgical energy blasts.
  • Rubberman: the malicious spirit of a novelty Lance Potter helmet lamp that animates any inanimate anthropomorphic figure it rests on; in this case, a sculpture made of beer cans, crack pipes, heroin needles and used condoms. Not that intimidating in this case, but the helmet could be placed on another host sculpture.
  • Willie Nelson: An onion-shaped spider-like creature that disembodies humans and exsanguinates them.
  • Robot Wife & Husband: Self-replicating robots that shoot laser beams.
  • Paul: A 20 ft tall Lovecraftian tentacle monster with a heroin addiction, constantly infuriated by his ongoing child custody case.
  • The Trees: A forest of sentient trees that can walk around on their roots, effortlessly pick up human beings and rip the skin off their flesh. Possibly comparable to the huorns from LOTR.
  • Balloon Hitler: Adolf Hitler, magically transformed into a novelty balloon.
  • Gorgatron: An immense, rampaging monster of a similar species to the Mooninites.
  • Merlo: A magician with the power of hypnotic mind control.
  • Presbobot: A furiously evangelical stop-motion puppet with the power to transform any human it has completed a mind-link with into a combat robot.
Sensing that the arrayed forces might be overwhelming, Dr. Strange consults the mustiest tomes in his New York sanctuary and discovers that to even the odds, they must seek the aid of four unlikely heroes in the filthiest corner of New Jersey: The Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and their reluctant neighbor Carl Brutananadilewski. At face value they may appear woefully inadequate, but they have artifacts of tremendous power to help even the odds.
  • Meatwad: a guileless, childlike sentient ball of rancid meat capable of shapeshifting and recovery from almost any injury a la T-1000. He brings to this battle the T-Shirt Of The Dead, a reality-warping t-shirt formerly worn by Anubis, capable of manifesting the thoughts of the wearer ex nihilo. A more dedicated wearer could use this relic to instantaneously end the conflict as is, but since only Meatwad is capable of wearing it and he is excruciatingly simple and childlike, it will not be quite so decisive.
  • Master Shake: A five foot tall anthropomorphic drink cup with earth-shattering narcissism. Normally incapable of harming anything that isn't smaller than himself, for this fight he has access to an unlimited stockpile of Singaporean muscle drinks under the "Thump!" brand, which transform his body into a vehicle for a self-aware mass of muscles of incredible violent potential and even more violent intent.
  • Frylock: A levitating box of fries and a gifted Clarketech scientist, having invented the very supercomputer which preserved Oog. He carries with him everywhere the Jewel of Idahocules, which powers his body and gives him the ability to fire devastating bolts of energy from his eyes and expel the regenerating fries in his head as a weapon.
  • Carl Brutananadilewski: A self-absorbed potbellied weekend warrior scumbag who lives next door to the Aqua Teens, with little else on his mind other than the Giants, the local strip clubs, and 80's glam rock. He brings to this fight the Foreigner Belt, a mysterious relic with the power to cast spells themed around Foreigner lyrics when they are uttered by a wielder who knows, in his heart of hearts, how to rock.
It will be the duty of Tony Stark, Steven Strange, Bruce Banner and Wong to persuade these four to lend themselves to the fight to save Earth and the Infinity Stones from Thanos. Will it be enough?
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