You are stuck in the middle of nowhere with a futuristic motorcycle helmet.

[Archinist]

Story:

You get a new helmet from a dodgey company which tells you this helmet is very futuristic and will turn you into iron man! You have never worn it, even to test, but major youtubers have said it's good, so therefore it must be! You drive into the middle of nowhere and set your vehicle, mobile phones, all communications devices except for the helmet on fire and run into the jungle and are completely lost.

Your helmet has night vision, heating/cooling functions, temperature insulation, 48 hour battery life without heating, 12 hours with heating, heat/thermal imaging, live GPS mapping, solar panels which require 6 hours of non-usage to fully recharge in broad daylight, x20 precise zooming vision controlled with eye motion controls, 30 non-intrusive meter motion tracker, highly impact resistant, 4TB SSD, 4K video recording/photos, waterproof up to 50 meters, completely dustproof, chemical/bacterial filters, functional targeting reticles which can lock-on targets, controlled by eye movements, and a bunch of other fancy nonsense. It also has an internet connection and a phone connection, but this model was a wee bit dodgey aye?? so those features are broken.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Story:

You get a new helmet from a dodgey company which tells you this helmet is very futuristic and will turn you into iron man! You have never worn it, even to test, but major youtubers have said it's good, so therefore it must be! You drive into the middle of nowhere and set your vehicle, mobile phones, all communications devices except for the helmet on fire and run into the jungle and are completely lost.

Why?! Just...why, dude?! Why would I take the word of You Tubers, most of whom already need helmets for other reasons, on anything?! Why would I set fire to my only non-foot mode of transportation or my flipping cell phone, for that matter(not that either is the kind of thing to be destroyed by any fire short of a flamethrower in the first place)?!

And, no, Archinist, I assure you I am not lazy, stupid, or under the influence of mind-altering substances.

Your helmet has night vision, heating/cooling functions, temperature insulation, 48 hour battery life without heating, 12 hours with heating, heat/thermal imaging, live GPS mapping, solar panels which require 6 hours of non-usage to fully recharge in broad daylight, x20 precise zooming vision controlled with eye motion controls, 30 non-intrusive meter motion tracker, highly impact resistant, 4TB SSD, 4K video recording/photos, waterproof up to 50 meters, completely dustproof, chemical/bacterial filters, functional targeting reticles which can lock-on targets, controlled by eye movements, and a bunch of other fancy nonsense. It also has an internet connection and a phone connection, but this model was a wee bit dodgey aye?? so those features are broken.

Great, so your head is waterproof, as well as adequately heated and cooled, while the rest of your body is unprotected from the elements. Not to mention you have no food, no water, and no clue. So you die.

Personally, I would simply put the helmet back in its box, scrawl "RETURN TO SENDER!" in magic marker all over the fucking thing, and have the postal service/UPS, whatever, send it back to where it came from, along with a note to the post office/UPS/whoever to never, ever send me anything again from this company, or said company will hear from my non-augmented but very highly-effective lawyer.

Sigh...Broomstick's parrots FTW.

[Sea Skimmer]

...and what about it now?

If I come back drunk enough later though I have an idea for an Archinist vs a non dinosaur dinosaur inside of a home depot walmart thread though. Also guinea pigs.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

...and what about it now?

If I come back drunk enough later though I have an idea for an Archinist vs a non dinosaur dinosaur inside of a home depot walmart thread though. Also guinea pigs.

Guinea pigs are so OP, please nerf.

[Sea Skimmer]

They have no claws or teeth and are exactly like real guinea pigs except made completely out of nylon fur which has the computational power of a calculator but no one or zero key? Also the home depot is built out of wood but can't burn because nothing in the entire store is capable of making fire and it was painted with fireproof napalm plastic which also spilled down the drain meaning the toilets don't work. So can Archinist find a bucket to relieve himself in before the non dinosaur dinosaur eats him or the tidal wave of nylon guinea pigs collapses the roof which is made out glued together tooth picks and titanium steel uranium bracelets which are actually corn and triggers the other chapter of the scenario? This all takes place in one hour as long as one day.

[Archinist]

Why on earth would you send it back?? Since the date you received is still when such a technology would be very new and futuristic, surely you would keep it around for a while and play with it regularly, while also using it as a safety helmet for walking around? I mean, you could see everyone's motion within around 30 meters and can zoom in on objects, etc. It is also extremely comfortable. I would probably wear it permanently and never take it off, ever.

It would be like being an actual iron man, space marine, HALO late-model spartan, generic power armor supersoldier, but without the weapons and armour.

Also the forest is a very survivable forest, with warm nights and warm days and plenty of safe to eat animals and plants laying about.

You destroyed the car by setting the gasoline on fire, and put the phone/other comms. equipment on the hottest part of the car.

[Isolder74]

Well lets see. I have a super helmet and whatever I happen to have on my person I normally would. In my case, I will have a swiss army knife. I use that to built a rabbit snare and a shelter for the night then set up a signal fire and get help that way.

What good it the helmet for? I have night vision…yay. Does it actually do anything useful? As far as I can tell it has a built in lying talky box(gps) that can show me the best place to go to find help.

[Archinist]

Well lets see. I have a super helmet and whatever I happen to have on my person I normally would. In my case, I will have a swiss army knife. I use that to built a rabbit snare and a shelter for the night then set up a signal fire and get help that way.

What good it the helmet for? I have night vision…yay. Does it actually do anything useful? As far as I can tell it has a built in lying talky box(gps) that can show me the best place to go to find help.

It can take HQ videos and images, lets you see in the dark, lets you see a bunch of moving things up to 30 meters away, can be used in toxic environments, and is very lightweight and comfortable. There is literally no reason to not wear it all the time, 24/7 and never take it off at all.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Why on earth would you send it back?? Since the date you received is still when such a technology would be very new and futuristic, surely you would keep it around for a while and play with it regularly, while also using it as a safety helmet for walking around? I mean, you could see everyone's motion within around 30 meters and can zoom in on objects, etc. It is also extremely comfortable. I would probably wear it permanently and never take it off, ever.

It would be like being an actual iron man, space marine, HALO late-model spartan, generic power armor supersoldier, but without the weapons and armour.

Because just a helmet would be as useless to me as tits on a bull. It's got a lot of neat whizzbangs, true, or so the You Tubers say. Of course, according to You Tube, the earth is flat, the Illuminati are real, and 9/11 was an inside job. Do you see my problem?

No, you probably don't.

Even if all those whizzbangs worked, they're not worth me walking around in public with a motorcycle helmet like a numpty, and it certainly isn't worth me doing something so stupid as to destroy my sole non-foot mode of transport or my sole means of communicating with the outside world. It just isn't.

Also the forest is a very survivable forest, with warm nights and warm days and plenty of safe to eat animals and plants laying about.

Of course, how could I forget? I'm in Archinist World. Broomstick's parrots FTW.

You destroyed the car by setting the gasoline on fire, and put the phone/other comms. equipment on the hottest part of the car.

Actually, no, I wouldn't have. Cause I'm a real person, and not one of the legions of idiots roaming Archnist World, and I'm sure I'd retain my faculties even if I were to wake up in Archinist World, shortly before I became king in the country of the blind, deaf, and really fucking dumb.

And, the only way I can think of to set the gasoline on fire is to drop a lit match(impossible, since I don't smoke)into the gas tank, and I wouldn't survive long enough to put my phone on the "hottest part of the car" let alone move away from the vehicle.

Broomstick's parrots FTW.

[Isolder74]

It can take HQ videos and images, lets you see in the dark, lets you see a bunch of moving things up to 30 meters away, can be used in toxic environments, and is very lightweight and comfortable. There is literally no reason to not wear it all the time, 24/7 and never take it off at all.

So other then the built in GPS aka MAP it's useless in the woods.

Edit: My pocket knife is more useful and it doesn't weigh much. This is at best a thing to sit on while you build a shelter and a campfire to keep warm.

PS I wouldn't have destroyed the car in the first place. And if the GPS works how isn't it able to connect to the internet? The GPS relies on that for the map in most of those systems.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

They have no claws or teeth and are exactly like real guinea pigs except made completely out of nylon fur which has the computational power of a calculator but no one or zero key? Also the home depot is built out of wood but can't burn because nothing in the entire store is capable of making fire and it was painted with fireproof napalm plastic which also spilled down the drain meaning the toilets don't work. So can Archinist find a bucket to relieve himself in before the non dinosaur dinosaur eats him or the tidal wave of nylon guinea pigs collapses the roof which is made out glued together tooth picks and titanium steel uranium bracelets which are actually corn and triggers the other chapter of the scenario? This all takes place in one hour as long as one day.

The sad thing is, this is a far more plausible RAR! scenario than practically anything Archinist has to offer. Zor, I take back every bad thing I ever said about your RAR! posts.

[LadyTevar]

Once again, Thread Locked, due to sheer stupidity of the OP as pointed out by the replies.