Conan, King of Westeros

[NeoGoomba]

During Robert Baratheon'a rebellion, a lucky arrow fells Robert. Before the uprising falls apart, they rally not around Ned Stark or Stannis Baratheon, but around an unknown champion from outside of Westeros, Conan of Cimmeria, determined to forge a kingdom by his own hand. The houses who supported Robert, seeing the groundswell of support for Conan, pledge their support for him as well, with Ned acting as chief advisor. Conan romps Rhaegar, Jamie kills the Mad King, and Tywin, being no fool, hands the Iron Throne to Conan.

How would the events of GoT have played out with Conan wresting the throne from the Targaryens? How would Westeros change by the time of Danny's rise, or the threat of the Night King rears up?

[Crazedwraith]

I've not read any later Conan stories, what was Conan like as a king/Emperor? He seems to restless when he was young to really hold things together.

He'd probably not keep Varys or any of Aerys' people around either. And if Jon Arryn is not his Hand then that makes it less likely Littlefinger will get a council seat. Getting rid of those two alone makes things much more stable.

[Elheru Aran]

Part of the problem is Conan doesn't have any House of his own to rally support around, just himself. The Houses are fairly important as they seem to be the basic feudal unit of Westeros, which people swear loyalty to rather than to the individual leaders of the House. There is a certain degree of individual loyalty in special circumstances, of course, which Robert's Rebellion certainly is, but Robert was declared King mostly due to his leadership during the rebellion.

Unless Conan became a member of one of the Great Houses by marriage, I'm not sure he has a whole lot of a shot because the Great Houses will tend to see their leaders as being more suited to be king than this upstart. Just look at how Bronn was treated-- he was happy to end up marrying the daughter of a minor House because then he was in a safe place.

[Simon_Jester]

On the one hand, Conan always has trouble dealing with intrigue and treachery. He generally manages to brute-force his way through such problems, but it's not easy. On the other hand, it generally takes more magical firepower than anyone in Westeros possesses to stop Conan from brute-forcing his way through a problem.

But that brings up a deeper question. Conan has shown some remarkable ability to resist magic, fight off poisons, and so on, through sheer heroic willpower. Do we handwave that as being just an artifact of his own setting, in which case Conan dies as easily as any other random swordsman if anyone manages to get to him? Or do we accept it as a fact that Conan has borderline superhuman endurance and willpower, and therefore has resistance to magic and so on that is much greater than that of normal men?

Hm. Anyway, back closer to the topic.

I'm going to assume for the sake of argument that the ground-swell of support for Conan doesn't just magically evaporate, and that he's (somehow) supported by nobles as well as by smallfolk, unrealistic though that may be. My reason for this is that otherwise, we don't have a plot. You'd see outcomes like "Stannis gets in contact with Stark and Arryn and they put him on the throne, possibly with Tywin Lannister's support, and wouldn't Stannis/Cersei be an interestingly weird marriage." Or "the Seven Kingdoms just decide to randomly stop listening to the Iron Throne and Conan has to fight endless rounds of wars just to get them to pay attention to him."

So I'm going to picture King Conan as having at least somewhere near as much support as King Robert I, enough that he can actually be the king, assuming he doesn't do anything stupid and get killed or deposed the usual way.

I honestly can't see Conan being a good king by himself, but he's more likely to hire people who do a good job for him. My feeling is that he's a pretty good judge of trustworthy men, if not so much of trustworthy women, and would try to find a reliable noble of high administrative ability to serve as his Hand, while keeping a close eye on him. Hard to say who he'd select.

I suspect his greater experience with the seamy underbelly of places like King's Landing would pay off in that he would have a better grasp of how someone like Littlefinger was scheming to take control of his government. Even if Littlefinger shows up, Conan may be able to cut off his manipulations- literally or figuratively.

[Zwinmar]

He inevitably will find the hottest noble woman he can find to bed and marry. Which, as par for the course, she will betray him and sic "The Mountain..." on him, he gets knocked, sent to the wall, has hijinks beyond the wall, comes back, kills "The Mountain..." and various others including his wife, gets another hot noble woman, the throne, then marries Daneris.

At least if the pattern from the Conan books is followed.

[Lagmonster]

Conan, at least Howard's Conan, is pretty much unstoppable by GoT's more 'realistic' standards. He's more or less single-handedly became lord of (and lost control of) pirate armadas, savage hidden kingdoms, and western empires. He's defeated (or at least fought and survived) a good handful of extra-dimensional beings, minor gods, and powerful sorcerers. Add to that the fact that every woman from Empresses to evil witch-beings seem incapable of staying off his dong, even when it is painfully in their own interests to do so.

[Elheru Aran]

The downside is that Howard's Hyperborean world is rather less civilized than even Westeros, and it's easier for an independent lone warrior to make a name in that context. Arguably, in the more organized and clearly stratified society of Westeros, vertical progression would be more difficult for him. It's more likely he would be noted as an outstanding fighter and strong warrior who gets promoted quickly to knighthood. Actually becoming King is rather another question; even the nicer Houses are still kinda snobbish in that regard.

I wouldn't put it past him to fight (more or less literally) his way into marrying into a House, though. That would be the most likely avenue to kinghood IMO.

[The Romulan Republic]

Hmm, which house would be most likely to accept a marriage with someone like Conan? And who, of the noble women who would give him a path to the throne, would he be most likely to seek a marriage with?

[NecronLord]

Well. I'm willing to bet that Cersei would enjoy her wedding night a whole heap of a lot more in this reality, given how Conan is apparently exceedingly attractive and vigorous between the sheets.

So that's a lot of problems gone immediately.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Well. I'm willing to bet that Cersei would enjoy her wedding night a whole heap of a lot more in this reality, given how Conan is apparently exceedingly attractive and vigorous between the sheets.

So that's a lot of problems gone immediately.

But, could Conan turn his back on her?

[phred]

But, could Conan turn his back on her?

Hells no. But he could put her down safely if it came to it.

[Simon_Jester]

The downside is that Howard's Hyperborean world is rather less civilized than even Westeros, and it's easier for an independent lone warrior to make a name in that context. Arguably, in the more organized and clearly stratified society of Westeros, vertical progression would be more difficult for him. It's more likely he would be noted as an outstanding fighter and strong warrior who gets promoted quickly to knighthood. Actually becoming King is rather another question; even the nicer Houses are still kinda snobbish in that regard.

I wouldn't put it past him to fight (more or less literally) his way into marrying into a House, though. That would be the most likely avenue to kinghood IMO.

Realistically yes. I can actually imagine Conan fighting his way into the position of a Lord Paramount by sheer martial vigor; if there's a war on I wouldn't put it past him to somehow do something like, oh, conquer the Vale and defend it against all comers.

So again, this thread subdivides into two separate questions. One is "what could Conan reasonably accomplish in Westeros?" and the other is "what would happen if, by random act of Q, Conan were accepted as the legitimate king of Westeros by the bulk of the nobility and smallfolk?"

[Elfdart]

A Conan-Cersei marriage would probably work out much better than the Robert-Cersei one. For starters, Conan is a graduate with highest honors from the 3-F school of how to deal with women, so I doubt he'd ruin his own wedding night by blubbering about a past flame while consummating the marriage*. Secondly, I think he'd catch on right away if any of Cersei's kids looked and acted nothing like him, unlike Robert. Most importantly, drunk or sober there's no fucking way Conan would be killed by a wild pig.

* This would also make Cersei less likely to boink her own brother.

[The Romulan Republic]

A Conan-Cersei marriage would probably work out much better than the Robert-Cersei one. For starters, Conan is a graduate with highest honors from the 3-F school of how to deal with women, so I doubt he'd ruin his own wedding night by blubbering about a past flame while consummating the marriage*. Secondly, I think he'd catch on right away if any of Cersei's kids looked and acted nothing like him, unlike Robert. Most importantly, drunk or sober there's no fucking way Conan would be killed by a wild pig.

* This would also make Cersei less likely to boink her own brother.

Well, simply preventing Joffery's birth will save a whole lot of lives, potentially.

[Solauren]

Okay, assuming this starts with Conan on the throne....
You pretty much just shifted the Prince that was Promised prophecies onto Conan, you know that right? The guys practically a demigod, and he doesn't mess around when it comes to combat.

First after being handed the throne, he'll clean house. Odds are, if he finds the Mountains killing of children offensive, he'll kill the Mountain, (child-murder) and order a lot of Targeryian loyalists to the Wall (can't trust them). He might even order Jamie to the Wall, (betrayed an oath) or kill him to be safe.

Then, he'll marry Cersei, screw her brains out, make her like it despite the fact he probably cut her twin in half, and then next day ride off with Ned to help him rescue his sister. Cersei would be pregnant already, and desperately wand Conan back.

They'll reach the Tower of Joy, and Conan will learn Jon Snow is Rhaegar's heir, and then give Ned his blessing to raise him, and name him Stark.

Then, if the Iron Isle rebel, he'll crush them, and probably leave the island a blood stained ruin.

Then the White Walker threat rises up, he'll lead the Armies north, and go after them. This may or may not involve him getting captured by the White Walkers, or injured, nearly turned into a Wraith, and then fighting the transformation off, and then busting White Walker heads. Melissandra might resurrect him along the way, and there Conan will equate the Lord of Light with Krom. (If he does, I petty what will happen to the Faith).

When the Mother of Dragons comes calling, she'll take back the Iron Throne, and probably kill Cersei. If Conan had fathered any children on Cersei, they may or may not survive.

Conan will then ride back, probably end up knocking out a dragon, and then marry the Mother of Dragons. He'll remind her so much of Khal Drogo, she'll happily go along with it.

[The Romulan Republic]

Hmm... the Conan franchise is not an area of expertise for me, but from what I do know-

He'll probably marry Cersei, yes, and it might go better than her marriage to Robert, though I wonder if he might piss of the Lannisters, particularly Cersei herself, by screwing other women the way Robert did.

In one on one combat he'll likely be unmatched by pretty much anything human.

However, he doesn't seem like much of a schemer. Not that he's stupid or anything, but he seems a bit more... direct. If he listens to Ned Stark, and picks the right subordinates, he should be fine, but I worry about the likes of Littlefinger and Tywin running circles around him without character shields.

[NecronLord]

I'm imagining the Lannisters trying to get Conan drunk enough to die while hunting Boar. And him just having faar too much sense.

[Solauren]

I'm imagining the Lannisters trying to get Conan drunk enough to die while hunting Boar. And him just having faar too much sense.

Conan hunting boar would pretty much be him standing there, hearing the boar, and tossing his sword into it from 30 feet away through the underbrush.

He tossed his sword because he ran out of spears killing the rest of the boars in the area.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Melissandra might resurrect him along the way, and there Conan will equate the Lord of Light with Krom. (If he does, I petty what will happen to the Faith).

"And, if you do not resurrect me, then to hell with you!"

[Thanas]

The same thing will happen to him that happened in history to any outsider trying to control a kingdom of which he knows nothing about and where he has no powerbase.

At best he will become a pawn in the hands of noble powers, more likely he will just end up in a ditch somewhere.

[Ralin]

* This would also make Cersei less likely to boink her own brother.

I'm pretty sure she was already doing that, but it might encourage her to stop doing so, yes.

Secondly, I think he'd catch on right away if any of Cersei's kids looked and acted nothing like him, unlike Robert.

Wasn't Conan blond?

Because I'm pretty sure Joffery was consciously or unconsciously emulating Robert.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Conan was always depicted as dark-haired in cover art, comics and graphic novels.

[Ralin]

Conan was always depicted as dark-haired in cover art, comics and graphic novels.

Huh. You're right, now that I think about it. Only ever read one or two of the Conan novels.

[Simon_Jester]

The same thing will happen to him that happened in history to any outsider trying to control a kingdom of which he knows nothing about and where he has no powerbase.

At best he will become a pawn in the hands of noble powers, more likely he will just end up in a ditch somewhere.

Realistically yes; which is why when I even tried to talk about what would actually happen, I wound up injecting something along the lines of:

"I know this isn't realistic, but it's the only way to make it interesting- assume Conan somehow has enough legitimacy that he doesn't just get sidelined, ignored by the Lords Paramount, or otherwise screwed to the point where talking about him being the king is meaningless."

That's not very likely, but it's the only way that this isn't a completely boring and pointless thing to talk about, so why not try it that way, I figure.

[Ralin]

I figure the closest thing to a viable take on this is that Conan somehow gets into command of a relatively small but significant number of troops (maybe former Baratheon, maybe sellswords and peasants) and through his amazing warrior skills seizes King's Landing ahead of the various armies and defends it against all comers. Possibly aided by Ned and Tywin's armies coming to blows as they fight for the prize.

Also in this scenario Conan has Jaime, Elia and her kids as his guests. He might not outright hold them hostage if he thinks that's something a coward would do, but just making that known might give Tywin pause and win him goodwill with Dorne. And really...if the Mad King is gone and Rhaegar isn't there then I'm not convinced King's Landing would be Ned's priority once it was taken by a man who had no grievance against him. I can believe he'd pull back to go after his sister if Robert wasn't there and King's Landing proved conquest resistant.

I mean, IIRC Conan has cobbled together armies out of outlaws or raiders and what have you before. The man wasn't just a dumb fighter. He was smart and charismatic and had a talent for leading and organizing men.