Inspired by a Zor transhumanism thread some time ago.


In major cities around the world, strange pillars of light form. Portals to the magnificent Bazaar Bizarre, where dimension-hopping sorcerers and strange creatures ply their wares. From each portal a tiny cherub flies out to announce the coming of the Bazaar and the rules. Rule 1 is market truce, anyone starting trouble in the Bazaar will be subject to an unholy magical smackdown, and be forced to make reparations, possibly via indentured servitude to the Master of the Market. Likewise for anyone trying to exploit the portal connections for military gain, or attempting to use force to keep anyone from the Bazaar.

Rule 2, the Bazaar is open to this region of space/time for just 49 days, but will return every 7 years hence, so long as this world continues to hold both civilization and belief in magic.

Rule 3, anything of magic can be found in the Bazaar for a fair price. Any magic item, artifact, SPC, etc. from Excalibur to dragon's eggs is for sale, though obscenely powerful or one-of-a-kind items will command an appropriately greater price. Beyond that, if it's magical, it's here and for sale. There's a bookstore where the Codex of Infinite Planes shares a shelf with the King in Yellow, right below the Greater Key of Solomon and two rows from the Octavo, which gets a shelf all to itself. There's a stand with Devil Fruit across from the Apothecary, which aside from herbs that work and potions sells the Philosopher's Stone. You can even get yourself a House-Elf if you wish.
Regarding payment, earthly paper and base metal have no value to most of the bazaar's shopkeeps, who prize gold and silver, essence, sunlight, shadows, faces, voices, blood, hair, souls, certain herbs and arcane miscellania (hand of a hanged man, a mother's tears etc.) Barter and haggling prices are the lifeblood of Bazaar shopkeeps, and if you pay more than 60% list price you've likely been scalped. Fortunately, Gringotts Wizard Bank has a stall where the goblins will exchange "muggle" money using the (insane) canon rate of 1 gold piece= 5.5 Pounds.
Prices are loosely based on Dnd, as is another concept. Barring specific prerequisites for a magic form, anyone can learn most any spell if they have detailed instructions and are willing to invest 2-3 weeks of serious study, research and experimenting into it. There are exceptions to the time rule where a spell explicitly takes more, or it is simply too complicated, but that should serve as a general guideline for how difficult magic is.

Rule 4, Thieves caught in the Bazaar will be used as slaves and/or human sacrifices. That is all that need be said.

Rule 5, No Refunds. Management is not responsible for any mayhem resulting from sales, nor any customer's poor life decisions, nor even the quality and safety of the merchandise. If you brought a cursed item or a monkey paw, sorry kid, Caveat Emptor.

Rule 6, the members of the online forum bbs.stardestroyer.net receive a 50% discount for their Fantasy page's contributions in keeping magic on the minds of even cynical, highly-educated men and women.

Rule 7, Have Fun. As long as no-one's getting hurt, do whatever you feel like.

Realizing you can probably only afford a couple of magical items, what will you choose and what will you do with them? Will civilization survive the return of magic?

For the sake of clarity, please provide a brief description of your purchases, including what story/universe it's from. I am personally aware of nearly a dozen versions of Excalibur, for instance, with vastly divergent powers and other qualities.

How much would a philosopher's stone run me for? Eternal youth and the ability to turn base metals into gold. Of course, that really depends on if there are any caveats on it or not.

After that fortune, maybe a couple of knickknacks like an attraction charm, or a good luck token, or some other minor item.

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"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed,or numbered. I am a free man. My life is my own" Number 6
The Prisoner

Would it be possible to get a combination of the Dragon Balls (Namek version) and a Dragon Radar? I can use the first version for eternal life, super-speed, and a brain well-adapted not only for what it does already but also movement at super-speed. Between them I can then start spamming wishes to take over with virtually no opposistion as long as nobody else knows the Dragon Balls are loose (the shop, as these shops tend to, will presumably remain neutral).

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Note: After getting beaten badly in debate after debate, I've decided to stay out of the Science, Logic, and Morality and News and Politics forums alltogether for a minimum of six months.

On a budget, and want some really useful abilities? Have I got a shopping list for you. With a list price of 5GP each (2.5 with our discount), I strongly recommend finding some of NetHack's tins of dragon meat. Don't want to need to sleep ever again, and have less than $23 US on you? Eat one tin of orange dragon meat, guaranteed. Poison-proofing with the side benefit of a boosted immune system? Green dragon. Heat, cold, electricity, and disintegration-proofing? Red, white, blue, and black dragon. With our discount, get the six-pack for $132.95 US. Hell, the savings in your heating/AC bill will pay for that in no time.

If you're feeling lucky, try some floating eye for a chance of telepathy (it has its drawbacks), and tengu for a chance of uncontrolled teleporting and (separately) teleport control. Hope you get the latter before the former, or you'll probably end up somewhere unpleasant. You'll probably be spending quite a bit on these ones, just to get enough tins. The good news is, they're (usually) only as filling as an apple, so you can scarf a few in one sitting.

Zontargs, I'm pretty sure you win this one.

I would give SO MUCH to not need sleep.

Polymorphitis with control would also pay for itself in no time. Barring really powerful or truly unique creatures, any form you know of is yours to assume. You just need to find the rings enchanted with such and eat them. (Yes, there are monsters that eat metal.)

Of course, having ways of getting more currency is a very good idea, and since the OP mentioning certain herbs, you could literally clone or farm those herbs and have great amounts of Bazaar moolah. You can even grow the herbs on Earth the mundane way.

Getting one of the myriad methods of time travel would allow you to enter the Bazaar at will (among other things). Getting items or spells that produce things would make you quite well off on Earth provided you're not dumb about it, ditto ways of getting to dimensions filled with stuff for the taking (assuming you take the appropriate safety measures, or course).

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"A word of advice: next time you post, try not to inadvertently reveal why you've had no success with real women." Darth Wong to Bubble Boy
"I see you do not understand objectivity," said Tom Carder, a fundie fucknut to Darth Wong

We would all watch rich own this planet with their newly bought stuff, including immortality and devices turning off magic for everyone who isn't rich.

Or they would just use Mass Mind Rape or something to create magical Matrix while laughing all the way to bank

You say there would be smackdown for everyone blocking entrance to market. What about exit? You buy anything, you lose right to return to your country unless you surrender all dangerous stuff you have under serum of truth or something. Passing such a law would be easy for power movers, while making sure the law wouldn't apply to them.

Then, there's issue of someone buying One Ring and enough willpower potions to go Galadriel Mode, all while giving away other 19 Rings to various powerful people. Or something even worse, like Narnian Word. All it takes is one psychopath and we can say goodbye to civilization.

When talking about phenomenal cosmic power from fiction (the One Ring, or something from Lewis's setting that is basically the power of Christ), I suspect the prices would be beyond what billionaires could pay. D&D magic items are one thing, walking no-limits devices are another matter entirely.

Personally I doubt the One Ring would work with 'potions of willpower;' I don't like that approach to crossovers. But that's me.

I don't see what's stopping someone from buying a similar object without the restrictions of the ring. Without context we have no idea what something like that would cost though. I'm more worried about governments buying up insanely powerful artifacts and being more corrupt as the magical arms races goes on.

I don't mean the spell that was used to create Narnia, but their equivalent of nuclear bomb. Even D&D magic heavily prefers rich, who can buy anti-magic spheres then deck themselves with extremely expensive Epic magic items or artefacts immune to common suppressing spells.

Then, there's issue of custom magic. Anti-radar spells? Stone-skin on tanks? Enchanted vests? Or, even common spells in military hands - let's suppose Pakistan buys 50 teleport scrolls, finds 50 martyrs, hands nuke to each one and watches entire American chain of command including NORAD, Congress, White House etc. turn to ionized gas in the same second - what then?

Or someone teleports into US carrier and fireballs every airplane on board - act of war or not? He was Chinese officer who claims being magically compulsed to do it - true or not?

In short, we would have huge magical arms race where governments would try to somehow make themselves immune to magic, and each instance of magic being abused would lead to huge crackdowns comparable only to what would have happened if CIA found proof Al Quaeda agents on US soil bought a few dozen kilograms of plutonium.

Read Singularity Sky

Apply lessons within to determine what happens to global society.

Yeah, I'm wishing for some way to escape to a remote, one of a kind pocket universe for me and my family so that we don't have to watch the world get roasted.

Oh, don't worry. The world isn't going to get roasted. That's why you have me around.

First of all, I obtain a few thousand million Poke'balls/replicator that can make Poke'Balls and a cloning machine (this is all for a project I'm working on). Each poke'ball is valued at a mere couple Yen, so that shouldn't be too much to purchase. Next a summoning portal or circle or better yet training to make such a circle on my own (again, same project).

Next, I obtain a warp capable spacecraft. Nothing big, maybe something small like a shuttlecraft or spelljammer style yacht (complete with modern amenities and construction sensibilities). Lastly, I get myself a foldbox.

The last thing any of you will see is the stars vanishing around the earth.








That, or just the Poke'balls, cloning machine, and summoning circle.

Talk about the proverbial grab bag. I'd have to at least get some amulets or rings that have "cure wounds" or "cure disease" on them. Keep me and my family healthy and run a sort of a free clinic healing people who are beyond the help of conventional medicine. Then a spellbook that I can study and create my own custom spells. I fancy being able to animate my own golems as my servants, cast a spell that lets me mentally interface with the internet, fly, etc... I don't mind a bit of study to unlock the arcane.

There would be some protection against people being targeted specifically for their purchases yes, but it would only last 'til the end of the market period in 7 weeks.

Simon is correct in that nobody is getting the One Ring or a no-limits genie's lamp is beyond the means of any individual. Maybe a major first-world government and/or a conglomeration of billionaires. Which begs the question of who will invest that much, and who will actually retrieve the ultra-artifact in question and how much you trust that man.

The Monkey's Paw (story of the same name) should be doable for the upper class.



Not sure I get your plan. You box the entire world, and then what?

Um-one of the people theoretically doing the buying is me. I spend more on Bat gadgets on a regular basis than any real world government could dream of. Of course, The One Ring is pretty timid compared to what I regularly have access to and chances are I already have half the seriously dangerous artifacts under lock and key anyway.

Scroll down the page and read the followup story. I can tinker with the contents of the foldbox.

Now, can you guess what the summoning circle, cloning machine, and Poke'balls are all for?

Yup, I start another RAR with the tools I picked up in this one. RAR continuity.

My first thought was summon creatures (possibly the real ones) that can be controlled with the pokeballs, and clone them endlessly until the world has effectively become that of pokemon.

RAR continuity. Sweet Valen, no.

Well, I could just summon a celebi, travel back in time to before the Bizarre Bazaar (nice way to get those two words backwards, by the way), and do it then. But I enjoy torturing you like this.

I like Bazaar Bizarre, it's an interesting variation on the themes of English. I've seen such phrases before, they're traditional.

It's really going to be hard to talk about the RAR without some idea of whether the power of devices available at the Bazaar scales with cost. Assume Setting A has a Potion of Anvil Juggling for the price of a beer, and Setting B has them only for the price of fine whiskey. Does that mean that somewhere in the Bazaar there's a very frustrated merchant trying to sell Anvil Juggling potions for a ridiculous cost and being stupidly undercut by another merchant?

Or does it mean there is (effectively) one consistent price for potions of anvil juggling?

What item would there be in the bazaar that would grant the person buying it the opportunity to learn magic, both my experimentation and by intuition? I mean, say, a staff that bonds with you and that you can use to do limited about of magic more or less just by concentration.

Also, how would a dragon egg go? The kind that gives you telepathic connection to the dragon?

I'll be looking for a few Ioun Stones and Rings of Sustenance. Never need to sleep or eat again!
Also, how much are Dragon Eggs? I think the military is going to be sending people in to by them enmass.

I meant it that way, Baazar [of the] Bizarre.

Celebi was the new Mew of the second generation pokemon, no? I don't remember any time-travel abilities but it was mostly the second generation that turned me off pokemon.



With some allowances for supply (some settings have so-and-so really common items) the prices are broadly based on Dnd equipment lists, and magic items not present in that setting will be fitted in with items of similar power "levels" for want of a better word.

So a single bottle of Universal Solvent (undoes any glue, mortar, or restraining spell) will run you about $125, counting conversion into gold. An Efreeti Bottle (10% of getting attacked, 10% of getting three wishes as Dnd spell, 80% of having an Efreeti warrior-servant for 10 minutes) would be a bit shy $300,000 for board members. And any means of getting wishes that would be more reliable or less limited would cost proportionally more than the bottle.



There are magic staves and wands that grant effortless casting of some spells, but generally either have a finite "magazine" of spells they can cast over their lifetime, or can cast a finite number of times a day.

It is assumed for purposes of this scenario that you CAN learn most varieties of magic that don't require you to be, say, an elf, dragon or spirit, or require energy from a non-existent power source. So not doing the Wheel of Time here. In keeping with the Dnd bent, it is assumed that any single spell can be learned from a given spellbook with two weeks or so of dedicated study and practice so long as appropriate prerequisites are met. For example, If you wanted to do HP-verse magic you'd have to visit Ollivander's stall for a $40 or so wand, pick up some HP-verse spellbooks and study the hell out of them.



A single Ioun Stone will run you $8-80,000, depending on the stone in question. I assume you mean a Clear Stone, so 8 grand.

Dragon Eggs, eh? SOmething I'll have to think on...

Yes, pricktastic as the idea of event poke'mon are celebi was the second. Might summon a mew instead, then I can use its genetic information to clone any Poke'mon in existence...

Anyway, time travel:


So yes, time travel. Based on the direction fourth generation took the series, I dare say that Celebi is in fact the Poke'mon god of time.

Second gen had some hit and miss designs like celebi, but it has a certain special place in my heart as the generation that got me into the poke'mon video games. Third gen was when I stopped, but only because I never bothered getting a DS.

You know, even if I just start breeding/cloning Eevee I could make millions selling them in markets outside the Bazaar.

Can I buy My Little Pony?

Anyway, how to break system: grab less than ten cubic feet of Clydesdale-printed 5 pound banknotes; buy scroll of Fabricate [~6200 pounds]; assuming printing is complex or superior item, we need to beat DC 20. Coincidentally, spell called "Impeccable Timing" gives us a +20 bonus on the next roll (craft skill check) at paltry sum of 825 pounds. Enjoy resulting pile of 100 pound banknotes, of which just 70 pay our expenses back

Proceed to buy One Ring after a few repeats