You are Robert Baratheon, first of your name

[Murazor]

So...

Good news: A random superbeing just made you king.

Bad news: You are king of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, the fairly unpleasant setting of the A Song Of Ice And Fire book series and A Game of Thrones TV series.

Your mission statement is pretty simple. You must survive as long as you can (the superbeing has made some body maintenance and you won't die out of heart attack, liver failure or STD if you take it easy with the meat, beer and whores respectively) and try to improve things, relative to the series status quo (focusing in the political and social side of things, since ROB doesn't expect you to tackle the ongoing metaphysical weirdness).

What do you do?

[Crazedwraith]

When exactly in the timeline is this? Do I get to avoid marrying Cersei?

In anytime period, I've got to work towards isolating the Lannister's powerbase. Getting their appointees out of positions at King's Landing. (Like say the Headsman for example) And generally being paranoid about them.

Make overtures towards Stannis and start acting more brotherly towards him. See if I get him to be more palling with the Lords as well, so they won't actually mind if end up lopping off the kid's heads and making him heir.

[Murazor]

When exactly in the timeline is this? Do I get to avoid marrying Cersei?

Right. Forgot the timeframe.

And nope. Jon Arryn just died, you are short one Hand and Daenerys Targaryen is about to get married.

-Copied verbatim from Spacebattles, where folks also asked me when this scenario starts.

[Guardsman Bass]

I don't over-do it with the strongwine on the hunt in the King's Wood. Then, when Ned tells me that my wife's an adulterer and my children are incest-born bastards, I put her aside in favor of Margaery Tyrell (as Renly wanted), and work out some way to send Cersei and children back to Casterly Rock with "guarantees" and "promises" in return (such as getting all of the debts to House Lannister wiped out).

[Thanas]

Domestic affairs:
Quietly poison Joffrey, quietly execute Varys (before any BUT VARYS IS SUPER POWERFUL AND OMNISCIENT people start crying, just invite him to dinner and then command the kingssguard to kill him out of the blue) and name Tyrion Lannister hand of the king once Lord Arryn dies.
Set Littlefinger certain economic goals and promise him a lordship if he manages to get the economy going without borrowing too much from the Lannisters.

With regards to the North:
Command Ned Stark to travel to the wall and reinforce the Night watch. Have him ready to call his banners to repel Mance Raydar and be ready to assist him should the others come.
Also send Prince Tomnen to be a page to Ned Stark to learn how to be a good ruler. Then send him to Tywinn to learn how to be cunning.

With regards to the Targaeryens:
Hire a faceless man to kill Daenerys once Varys is executed. (An alternative might be to propose marriage between her and Tomnen to get dragons to repel the others when she is starving in the desert, but that is a pipedream, so faceless man it is).

With regards to the Ironborn:
Reinforce the northern fleet, and try to place Theon Greyjoy on the throne once the old bastard dies. The more infighting among those savages the better. If they cannot agree, then do what you do best - wage war, smash them utterly and sow their lands with (more) salt.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

Littlefinger and Varys die. Straight up, early on, first thing on the checklist. Probably Joffrey too, but he can't really plot, so if I just dis-inherit him in favour of Tommen or one of my legitimized bastards (the second is probably a significantly worse idea, so I'll probably end up with raising my evil guard's incest child to heir, but hey), all should be well. I'll throw out Janos Slynt and Pycelle, too, as a matter of fact, since Lannister creatures are not what I need right now. So basically my entire Small Council is going to be wiped clean. Replacing them will be an interesting matter. And I'll probably look pretty bad. But at least I'll be able to bring in some new blood who owe their power entirely to me.

I think getting Cersei off the throne is a good idea, what with her despising me utterly and plotting my death, but obviously that would irritate Tywin, and by 'irritate', I mean, 'Tywin will murder me somehow probably', and I don't know if I could appease him by allowing Jaime to resign his Guardship to become heir to Casterly Rock and making Tyrion or Tywin my Hand. Those seem a bit weak compared to the slight of dishonouring the house by renouncing his only daughter. Basically, it's a huge gamble either way: leaving Cersei around endangers me greatly because she's completely psycho, incredibly close to me, and has a bunch of minions, while divorcing her will make Tywin's previously secure legacy seem suddenly imperiled, and he's likely to react immediately to that, and there's not my I can do to alleviate his distress. Having her die suddenly and then mourning her briefly enough that my bed won't get cold between her and Margaery is a good idea, but I'm not sure how exactly I'd go about that without casting suspicion, especially since I'll only be able to get it done after I've already had a purge of the Small Council. Man, murdering your way to security is complicated. Now I know how Stalin felt.

Following Renly's idea of securing a Tyrell alliance is good, since unlike the Lannisters, who are entrenched already in King's Landing, I can control the influx of Tyrells and their bannermen into positions of power, particularly if I can keep Mace discombobulated between trying to serve Olenna and Margaery and trying to serve me.

If I gain a Tyrell alliance, and the Northmen and riverlands are still safely in my camp due to my friendship with Ned, Tywin won't act overtly, but even so, he can call in the Crown's debts, and then I'll be fucked.

I really want to give Stannis some overdue honours, but given the fact that about eight swords of Damocles are hanging over the realm, I can't make him king. Well, the least I can do is thank him appropriately for his role in winning both My Rebellion and the Greyjoy Rebellion. Maybe give him Storm's End, while, say, rebuilding Summerhall for Renly. That seems like the kind of project Renly might be happy with. A Winter Palace for the Baratheon dynasty.

As far as policy decisions, Thanas' ideas seem pretty good, but I think I will utilize the threat from Beyond The Wall to enforce one of Cersei's very few good ideas: centralizing the Realm. Wait until the Watch sends me some letters implying that evil monsters have come and such, and decree that every Kingdom must send, oh, 300 men-at-arms and knights to the Wall to assist in the defense of the Realm, and as King I will send 500 from the Crownlands and 500 from the Stormlands as a shining example. This both protects us from evil zombies and establishes a precedent for a more stable time, when I hope to establish something like the New Model Army or some variation thereof - a standing army that is not beholden to my conniving lords, but to me alone. I'll have Stannis command the war beyond the Wall. It will at least give him something to do other than brood. And I'll shower him with honours. Re-name the Gift 'Stannis-world' maybe.

As far as Daenerys, I do nothing. I'd really like to assassinate her, but also I don't want to, I dunno, eliminate the possibility of the Dragons' return and therefore fuck up prophecy and doom the world to an Eternal Winter. I really don't want that. But if I don't try to assassinate her, Drogo won't really care enough to try to invade Westeros, so maybe it will just end up with Rhaego stomping around Essos being Stallion That Mounts The World and we can import enough obsidian and mix enough wildfire to murder the ice monsters on our own. But if Daenerys shows up with fucking dragons, I'm bending the knee so fast my head will spin, and I'll blame the shit out of anyone not me for the murder of her entire family.

Also, maybe ring up Asshai for a shadowbinder. Human sacrifice and realm conversion aren't fun, but I don't see the High Septon being all buddy-buddy with the Smoke Monster from Lost, so Rh'llor has my vote.

[Thanas]

Thinking this over, I would amend my plan as follows:

My goals are:
a) neutralize the "external" threats (Varys/Daenerys, Others, Ironborn)
b) Do not alienate Tywinn. Why? Because I'll need a competent commander when the Ironborn wage war and Ned is occupied fighting the others.

If I would have to get rid of Cersei, make sure that she and Jamie are discovered together. Preferrably by somebody of good repute, like Ned Stark. Then, and only then, divorce her and sent both her and Jamie into exile (maybe even to Casterly Rock). Tywinn won't tolerate their incest any more and given that I still would not have disinherited Tomnen he would not feel the need to act. Even further, this leaves Tyrion as the head of house.

Tyrion of course will get honored by me every turn and get the chance to prove himself as ambassador etc. This will raise him in Tywinn's eyes.

No remarriage of me btw until Tywinn is cold and dead, which given that he is older than I am, might give me a decade or so with a friendly head of House Lannister (Tyrion). If necessary, I can always use the secret about Tyrion's "wife" to get him to trust me against Tywinn.

This leaves the Tyrells and Dorne. The latter are placated once the mountain so happens to get lost in their territory. As for Margaery, I'll try and have her married to Tyrion. This will provide him with an independent power base and will please Tywinn as well. This should give me plenty of time.

Meanwhile, Tomnen should die a sudden death unless Ned Stark manages to straighten him out. If he has to die, Mycella has to as well. That way I can proclaim any son of the Tyrion-Margaery union my heir and live the rest of my days out in peace, knowing that such a child would have Boratheon, Tyrell and Lannister on his side and be the heir to the ultimate stable house there is. Peace and stability reign etc. Probably would have to get rid of Renly or something.

The others are the real unknown.

The other houses like Dorne might grumble like "too much power" but Stark is too honorable to rebel so no worries there as without him they are nothing.


I'd also try to honor Stannis in some way, probably following NUA's example.

[Ralin]

and name Tyrion Lannister hand of the king once Lord Arryn dies.

This stands out to me as a bad idea. For all the crap they put him through Tyrion was really loyal to his family until things went completely to hell, and he loved Jaime to boot. To say nothing of how much it would piss Tywin off.

[Mr Bean]

The main problems in my mind for Robert are the following

1. Dorne and the Iron Islands hate him
2. His wife hates him and Joffery is a monster
3. He has very competent enemies and pissed off most of his friends (His own brothers and Ned to begin with)

I like some of Thanas ideas and many of Nieztchean but I prefer to come at this sideways and try to keep the Seven Kingdoms together by rebinding them to my sons.

First off sending a raven to Castle Rock telling Tywin the King needs to see him for a three day visit. Second sending a Raven to the Starks telling them I'm coming to visit in a month or two. Once Tywin gets there I'll be blunt with him, Joffery is not ready to rule and I don't see it getting any better because of my lady wife has not been helping and the Hound is hardly a role model for a future King. I then offer him a choice, I can send Joffery for the next two years to either Stannis or him to beat the smug out of him. Second I made a mistake in John A, sure he's was a decent hand but having one of my Wardens of the South/East/West/North also serve as hand had not done good things for his house or the Kingdom. I can't ask Tywin to be my hand (I don't #@$@#$ want him as my Hand despite how good he'd be but because of that fact) because he's one of my Wardens otherwise I'd have asked him or so I'll tell him. So I'd ask him to put forward names, my hope is that he will recommend Kevin because Kevin is most of the smarts of Tywin without any of the ambition, if not I can get a Tyrell (there are several who might serve) or a Riverlander or a Northman(Except Bolton of course and Ned for that matter).

Also as a side matter I'm going to need a master of Coin could I have Tyrion for that post as it just so happens Littlefinger suffered a case of sword through face yesterday along with the Spider the day before you got here.

Once Tywin's ego is stroked, his good son as my finance minster I'd start reaching out to the other Kingdoms. My long term goal is to turn Tommen by focusing all my efforts on teaching him right under first Ned Stark and then hopefully under Highgarden or if I want to get crazy Dorne. I'm hoping I can form a Tommen-Bran-Arya tag team of awesomeness with backup from the good guys in each Kingdom I can find. Joffery is going to get offed at some point and Cersi I'm going to keep with Mycella busy trying to win us friends a long way from King's Landing. Tommen as I said will be being a page for Ned Stark with instructions for him and Bran to become good friends if possible so they can go together to wherever they will be send for Squire training

Pycelle I will dismiss for reasons of age, Janus Slynt will be sent off after some evidence of corruption is found by Varys the day before he dies. I'll send him to the Wall or the hangman depending on how bad the corruption is. Once I'm back with Cersi and Mycella off, my new hand in place with Tommen at Winterfell I'll cast my net wide for some wards of my own. One from each Kingdom sans the Iron islands which are a bunch of worthless rocks I'll be purging sooner or later.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

Thanas, I really, really, really doubt that you could secure a marriage between Tyrion and Margaery. Even when Tywin was at his most diplomatic, he failed to secure far less prestigious matches.

"When I suggested to Lord Hoster that Lysa might be wed to you instead, he replied that he wanted a whole man for his daughter.”
...
“When I offered you to Dorne I was told that the suggestion was an insult,” Lord Tywin continued. “In later years I had similar answers from Yohn Royce and Leyton Hightower. I finally stooped so low as to suggest you might take the Florent girl Robert deflowered in his brother’s wedding bed, but her father preferred to give her to one of his own household knights."

[Chirios]

*This post is made assuming I inhabit Roberts body, rather than just being me and having everyone think I'm Robert*

Start exercising/Stop drinking. Don't want to have a heart attack while I'm running shit.

Okay, if I don't name Eddard as Hand then Bran doesn't fall from the tower, which should give me an extra three to five years of peace to get shit sorted. I'm saying that because Cersei didn't want to have me killed yet because she hadn't put her pieces into place. Given how horrifically incompetent she is, I suspect it would take her some time, especially considering all of the other players. So Cersei, while a threat, isn't an immediate threat.

Varys on the other hand fucking is. This dude is likely to kill me within a year so that Viserys/Dany/Young Griff can take the throne. His end must come.

Ditto Littlefinger. Second he gets a chance he'll use his contacts to start a war. Killing him will alienate Lysa, but, if I betroth Myrcella to Harry the Heir, Robert will die within five years and I will have a daughter on the throne.

So it's very important that those two die. I'll come up with some reason. Worst case scenario, lie. Say Baelish has been stealing from the treasury and Varys, well, we can tell the truth about Varys, he's been trying to get the Targ's back on the throne.

Okay, now I've cut out a large part of the council, time to get rid of the next one: that old fucker Pycelle. Don't know about the exact legal principles, but I know he's working for the Lannisters and there are too many Lannisters in my presence, what with the squires and the wife and the Kingslayer. He needs to go. Not sure how, but getting rid of him will be another step. I'll probably just "suggest" that he's too old for the service, and that his mind isn't as quick as it used to be.

Okay, so the council is pretty much dead. Next I have to pick replacements. Stannis as Hand won't work. He'll pick too many fights and be too caustic. Mace Tyrell is the only sensible option, as Tyrell as Hand pretty much forces the Tyrells and the Lannisters against one another, and both families are already too powerful. @ Thanas, placing Tyrion as Hand is a bad idea, as it gives too much power to the Lannisters, and Tyrion won't betray them.

Next, Master of Ships. Davos Seaworth if he agrees to leave my brothers service. Dealing with smugglers and pirates will be a big deal, since I want to have maximum taxed income if I want to clear my debts. I'll move Stannis and make him Master of Laws, then try and rebuild Summerhall as a placation. Harys Swyft as Master of Coin, and I'd have to control the Whispers myself. All of the new appointments will have to make a donation to the crown, which I can then trade as collateral for my debts.

I'll hold perhaps one tourney, encourage some of my squires to enter the lists. I'll get them killed if I can, if not, I'll knight them and send them back home. Once that's done, I'll offer squire seats for sale to some of the greater lords; while trying to make sure that I only pick one squire from each of the major families.

All of that should be done within the first year. Next step is, start investing I suppose. Look around for areas of industries that I can improve with 21st century knowledge.

After that look North. Mance should be making his march south by now, so I'll have Ned start preparing. It should only take a couple of thousand men to properly man the wall, so I won't have to call up a mass levy. I'll take Cersei north with me though, and leave Jaime south, so she won't try any funny business while I'm gone.

[Ahriman238]

It would be nice to have both the Starks and Lannisters working with me as I semi-modernize, or at least build some roads that aren't shit. But if Jon Arryn is already dead, it's likely too late, Lysa will already have accused the Lannisters of his murder. Varys and Littlefinger have to go, others have said it, but it reallt can't be overstated. I'm not sure precisely how involved they are in everything that will happen, but I know enough to seal their fates. I cannot have such men hovering around and playing their games on the eve of my knigdom's greatest crisis, not least because of how good they are at it.

It'd be nice to have Tyrion on my side, but perhaps not so easy to recruit him without making Tywin suspicious and hostile, maybe if I use the "Jaime's brother" approach.

Jaime is another complication, I believe there's a decent person deep within him (very deep) as demonstrated by his killing of Aerys. He's certainly a most capable fighter, politically connected and a member of my bodyguard. But he's also fucking my wife, who will try to kill me at some point in the near future. I'm not sure yet how to handle that situation, but it will have to be done delicately.

Stocking up on Valyrian steel and obsidian is good. I'd like to test the effectiveness of obsidian arrowheads if I can get enough, but spears should do in a pinch.

So yes, I'm king of a fantasy kingdom that is sadly divided, almost half of my immediate nobles hate my guts. The long hard winter is basically upon me, and the Others are returning. Reinforcing the Night's Watch with good and steady men once the crisis starts is an obvious move. For that matter, the Watch did a fine job making a man out of Jon Snow. Perhaps a couple years guarding the border, protecting the Realm and generally assuming a king's most important duties will straighten Joffery out?

Doubtful, but perhaps worth a shot.

Mending fences with Stannis and Renly will be important for personal and political reasons. I've just been thrown into a medieval world, and if they're different people, and think I am a very different person, I feel like I'd need the support of a family. People I can trust, maybe not with the secret of who I really am and where I'm from, but with most lesser things.

And perhaps Renly could replace Littlefinger or Varys on the small council.

Daenarys is another problem, but one I can safely put off dealing with for a while.

Hopefully Balon won't be stupid enough to start anything if the kingdom isn't further divided by civil war. If he does, I will divert enough forces to shut him down as quickly as possible and as brutally as necessary.

All the wasteful feasts and tournaments shall cease for the time being, as the crown adopts a more fiscally responsible view and works it's way to paying off it's debts. This may alienate Tywin, but I can't let him have that handle over me. Of course, I'll also need money for military expenditures agains the walkers, and I hope to live long enough to do some serious public works.

[Mr Bean]

There is a way to keep the tournaments (Which do serve a purpose for both the commons and the Lords) while at the same time letting the Crown avoid paying for most of it. Send a Raven saying KL has had to many tournaments in the past few years, instead those Lords wishing to demonstrate the worth of their house and bannermen and to win glory for their sons. Put in between the lines that the best way to get the King's ear on some personal matter is to host great enough tournament because any of the big ones you'll be sure to come out in person to attend and officake, but not more than once every X months.

As well drop a letter on behalf of the Nights Watch (Send it from the Wall which I will visit in person after talking to Ned when I visit Winterfell) calling for third sons and bastard sons to join the Night's Watch and again imply in the writing that those who had sons in the Watch would be given preference over those who did not.

[Thanas]

Thanas, I really, really, really doubt that you could secure a marriage between Tyrion and Margaery. Even when Tywin was at his most diplomatic, he failed to secure far less prestigious matches.

Yeah, but that is without a) Tyrion being the heir to house Lannister, b) having distinguished himself in some sort of conflicts c) being the hand of the King.

A longshot, but it just might work.

[CaiusWickersham]

For that matter, the Watch did a fine job making a man out of Jon Snow. Perhaps a couple years guarding the border, protecting the Realm and generally assuming a king's most important duties will straighten Joffery out?

Except that the Watch is for life, unless you're going to buck ancient tradition and re-structure the Night's Watch from the ground up. Which may not be such a bad idea, really. Making Watch service something like ten years would provide more incentive to southrons looking for something to fill their resumes and I'm not just mucking out dungeons for warm bodies of questionable motivation.

Also, perhaps allowing the Watch to have families. Yeah, I know what Aemos told Jon, but that gate can swing both ways: men with families and homes depending on them fight that much harder when they're in danger.

[Revy]

Might it be worth converting to the Lord of Light? Not only would that help mend fences with Stannis, it'd be handy having one of those Red Priests around to resurrect you in the event that someone does manage to off you. Plus it would scare the crap out of any enemies if you were to come back from the freaking dead.

[Ralin]

It could also spark general rebellions against you. The Faith is pretty old and entrenched in Westeros, near as I can tell.

I think the biggest question is what to do with Stannis. Given the timing he would know about the incest, and he's not going to be willing to keep silent about it. You could try sending a Faceless Man after him, but I suspect Melisandre would see it coming. Declaring him a traitor and going after him conventionally is also probably a Bad Idea if you don't want to deal with shadow babies. Really not sure how to deal with him.

[Irbis]

Church wants to have its own army back, and its "Pope" is easily steered. Why not pick a few trusted knights, bribe "Pope" into announcing it's will of the gods, and form something similar to Teutonic Order? By which I mean relatively small body of knights loyal to me, and commoners bolstered by faith into somewhat orderly military force. Of course, I don't expect them to be able to face knights of other houses in combat, not yet. I'll order my men to drill them, and to start researching long pikes. I'll start buying saltpeter and sulfur, ask a few Maesters to find a way to mass produce "dragon powder", and to find a way to reliably cast matchlocks and caronades. A handful of caronade ships will be much less expensive than existing fleet, too, and should solve the problem of Iron Islands nicely.

Now, to find a way to buy time to get first Tercios in place, preferably a few years. The above people mentioned - killing a lot of people around, is too dangerous, IMHO. Pycelle and co stay, only replaced bit by bit, without casting suspicions. Littlefinger might be useful, too, if he can be controlled. Varys? Debatable. What we need, though, is external enemy that can distract others, and Daenerys might be perfect in that regard. Maybe send an order to agent to off that priest that poisoned her husband, Mirri? The more dangerous she is, the less will the Lords rock the boat, and dragons shouldn't stand well to massed gunfire if it comes to that. Plus, the fact that they were born after her husband and child died, so saving Drogo might left her with conventional, not supernatural force.

As for domestic affairs, playing Casterly Rock against Tyrells is too dangerous. Someone might come to conclusion removing me is the only way to gain upper hand against other house. How about playing a gambit - secretly summoning Stannis, apologizing to him, explaining I was wrong all along, and mentioning Cersei's children aren't mine... Then promising to give him everything he wants, lands, money, everything, if he could arrange for Cersei and Tywin to 'accidentally' die in a way that would cast blame on Tyrrels? He has his supernatural killer on hand, after all, and if Tyrrels can be blamed, then Lannisters are suddenly firmly in my camp, and lack two of most dangerous schemers that could threaten me. With Tyrrels crushed/captured by combined might of the kingdom, most major houses are neutered by lack of competent leadership or being led by my friends, remaining Lords being too scared of Daenerys to oppose my reform program, and no one will protest too loudly when I purge remaining Lannister agents and start slowly offing Cersei's kids fulfilling promise given to Stannis.

Oh, and as birthday gift, I'm going to purge the Twins top leadership and sent Mountain's head on a platter to Dorne somehow. They don't deserve to live anyway.

[Chirios]

Might it be worth converting to the Lord of Light? Not only would that help mend fences with Stannis, it'd be handy having one of those Red Priests around to resurrect you in the event that someone does manage to off you. Plus it would scare the crap out of any enemies if you were to come back from the freaking dead.

Don't think so. The OP said that we were changed just after Jon Arryn died, so it's likely Stannis hasn't even met what's her face yet.

The above people mentioned - killing a lot of people around, is too dangerous, IMHO.

True, but the problem is the people mentioned will try and kill you ASAP.

[Irbis]

The above people mentioned - killing a lot of people around, is too dangerous, IMHO.

True, but the problem is the people mentioned will try and kill you ASAP.

Out of all of the above, only Tywin and Cersei would have had chutzpah to try something, IMHO. Maybe Varys. The others might be traitors or have their own goals, but unlike above trio, won't start anything without orders. Killing indiscriminately might make a dozen people who tried nothing in the books for whatever reasons try to kill the king (you) instead. Remember how Tywin for all his brain and power died? In horrible pain, because he pushed wrong person too far. Killing the whole council might just launch another dagger you won't see because the man behaved peacefully in the book. What if, say, someone from Kingsguard thinks you're next madman monarch and repeats Jaime's feat? Not worth it.

[Ralin]

I'm not sure how much Tywin could really threaten you. I mean, sure, he could hire a Faceless Man, but other than that I don't think he has the power to challenge the Baratheon dynasty (such as it is) without one of his own on the throne and a civil war to divide everyone else. If he could have done that on his own he would have a long time ago.

[Ahriman238]

I'm not sure how much Tywin could really threaten you. I mean, sure, he could hire a Faceless Man, but other than that I don't think he has the power to challenge the Baratheon dynasty (such as it is) without one of his own on the throne and a civil war to divide everyone else. If he could have done that on his own he would have a long time ago.

Hahaha, The crown is so deep into debt they may as well replace the crown with a collar saying 'Tywin's bitch.' Tywin doesn't need to start a costly civil war to take over the kingdom, the status quo suits him just fine. He own the king anytime he feels it's worth it to make demands, and his grandson will be king in a matter of years, or days.

I'm actually not worried about Pycelle. He may give reports to the Lannisters, but so do my gardners, cooks, stablehands, and whores. In King's Landing, the only people who aren't spying for SOMEONE are players in the game or in no position to ever overhear something important.

I like the idea of telling Tywin having a Warden be the Hand was a mistake, and asking him for suggestions.

So we have very limited gunpowder production. What else can we come up with to confound the Walkers, and everyone else who wants a shot at the Iron Throne? I'm thinking it may be a decent time to set aside some able-bodied men and have a Royal Army Corps of Engineers started.

[madd0ct0r]

Yah, i would remind people we've had 10 years of piece while my fat fornicating buttocks are on the throne, so let's have more of the same.

Assuming I can dodge the heart attack, my main duties should be listening to reports from the north, readying the countryside in preparation of the coming winter and sorting the economy out*.
All of the schemers will be happy to play along as things get richer. Even Cersi managed to avoid offing me for a decade, so I think she'll last a while longer. Spreading the tournament circuit between the noble houses sounds like a good idea, as does the creation of 'the Black years' - sending squires (and Joffery) to the wall for a year or two so they can learn winter warfare and grow up a bit. The Blackwatch will get a pay-raise to accommodate them.

*even getting out of debt with the lannisters is a lower priority. Tywin can be happy with my balls and his daughter as my wife. No need to stir the old lion up.

[The Yosemite Bear]

definatly queitly kill little Caligulia, work on my brothers, try and figure out how to not piss off Tywin, get Tyrion to keep a close watch on Littlefinger, investigate Diabeties, (Robert seems to show all the signs of it.)

[Elfdart]

The real problem facing Robert is that a few things have already started by the time Arryn is killed, so he's still got a lousy hand:

1) He has been cuckolded by his brother-in-law, leaving him no legitimate heirs. Unless he's willing to tolerate having Jaime's son take over when he dies, he has to take action against the Lannisters. At the very minimum, Joffrey and his siblings would be disowned and disinherited, and that means a war with Tywin.

Solution: Jaime, Cersei, Tyrion and the kids are locked up. Tywin rebels? Off with their heads.

2) The Targaryens and those dragons of theirs. This is probably the most difficult issue since there's almost zero chance of burying the hatchet with them. One longshot would be to send spies/assassins not to whack Vaseris or Danerys, but to steal those dragon eggs. Without them, they are just a couple of traveling orphans with delusions of grandeur. It's certainly less likely to provoke Drogo than trying to poison his pregnant wife.

3) The Wall: The best way to kill those zombies is to burn them. So why doesn't the Night Watch have wildfire? Also, why aren't there any siege weapons? Since they need more men, send them -starting with ex-Crown Prince Joffrey. A stint north of The Wall would be perfect for building the young man's character getting rid of the little shit without looking like an ogre.

4) The Brothers: Stannis should be elevated to a better position, either as Hand or something of equal prominence. If Tywin rebels and gets crushed, give Casterly Rock to Stannis. Also, legalize gay marriage so Renly and Loras can be happy together. This way, Margery can be my new queen instead of Renly's beard.



"No, I don't need your brother's help with my wood!"



"I made it happy!"