Thank you, thank you for making my life so very easy. It was so nice of you to read all the user reviews you could find in order to make sure you were making a good decision. Then you walked the extra mile and read the Radio Shack circular, too. You are so good to me. I am glad that you decided to bring home that shiny new router, attach all the wires just right, and then click your way through the setup wizard at the speed of light. You make my life much more pleasant.
Now I can click my way merrily across the internet, doing as I please. I don’t even have to worry about the sites that I go to. If I want to look at nuclear bomb plans, so be it. If I want to join in a forum discussion on the proper way to engage in intercourse with a mule, it is my prerogative. I can even download all the movies and music that I want to, without any fear of repercussion. I somehow doubt that you have this level of internet invincibility, though, do you?
The price is not as bad as I expected. I am getting a lot out of my one time fee of thirty dollars. As it turns out, buying a wireless network card is much cheaper than even one month of cable internet. I was not really happy about paying sixty dollars a month for service, but that is a thing of the past now. I am glad that I took the time to do some comparison shopping between internet service providers. I found out that yours was the cheapest by far! Thank you for being my digital sugar-daddy.
It amazes me how generous you are! I know that you have looked at your router and seen that little glowing light that should not have been glowing. I am sure you went “Hmm, what the hell is this crap?” and went directly to your manual. I am sure you took the time out of your busy day to find out that I was accepting your kind offer of free internet service. You still let me have all the bandwidth that I can use, though. I would be indebted to you, if I had any clue as to your real identity. You are my anonymous benefactor, and I know you only as “default”.
It would have been easy for you to turn on your encryption, and lock me out in the cold wasteland of old technology. I would have been forced to spend my money on internet service, and not on the finer things in life that I would rather have. While I am eating my wonderful dry-aged steak this evening I promise that I will think of you and your kindness. I will softy shake my head and smile, and then I will laugh and laugh and laugh. I love stealing your internet, and I love you for letting me.
Anonymous facebooker on the "Snowmageddon" February 2010 DC snowstorm: