Roma Universalis [EU IV LP] [No 56k]

[Borgholio]

So given how few people have commented - I am thinking of changing this a bit up. For example, I have somehow lost interest in describing wars as the end result of any war is almost always a given nowadays. So I would like to just save space/time and show the before/after of a war.

Truth be told I've just been enjoying the story. But yeah since you seem to be quite the capable military commander, I think that you can skip the military details unless something special happens.

[Thanas]

An update - and thanks for the feedback, guys, much appreciated.


A visit to China? Why, it is tradition by now.


It was time to go show the Ming Emperor again that he was not the son of heaven - we were.


The war started out great with a mad dash to Beijing,

...where we eliminated the Imperial Guard and laid siege to the palace.


The Ming responded in the usual fashion - gather a massive army (Honestly, how do they manage to supply close to 120k of troops?)

This was a hard-fought battle that went to the absolute wire.


The Roman forces lost much more, but kept up the siege.

This was important because it prevented the Ming from reinforcing their eastern allies:


Again, the Ming tried attacking our much-depleted armies at Beijing, this time amassing 150k troops (WTF? It would be one thing if these were low-tech forces, but Ming is fully westernized already.)


This time, the Roman lines broke under the onslaught.

Unfortunately for the Ming, four fresh legions were already marching towards them, led by the Emperor Bardas II Thanas himself.




With this victory, the legions could press onwards and started to threaten the Ming territories.


The Ming allies in the east begged for mercy...


and it was granted to them for the small price of half their territory.

The son of heaven recovered and led another massive army against the Emperor.



As usual, Roman discipline prevailed against the mass Qing artillery.

A peace treaty was soon signed...

in which the Qing Empire ceded over near-worthless desert and mountain territory again.

...but we are getting into China. Slowly. Should only take us another hundred years or so.

The war had a few side effects:

Wait...we never hired any mercenaries. So...why are former enemies begging us to sign them? No way. Get lost and be happy we did not crucify you for having that much cheek.

Meanwhile, in the new world:

We found the fountain of youth. Or not, because it has no effect whatsoever on the longevity of the Emperor, Generals or other people.

From "Curiosities of the world", by Pennus & Giletta, Colonia Mexicana 2010:
"...we are now convinced that the water from that fountain was nothing but ordinary water drenched with an extraordinary concentration of coffee fruits, thus giving the drinker an extraordinary boost of energy. As test on the water kept in the Imperial cellar at Rome showed, it had no biological effect whatsoever."
(OOC: Seriously Paradox, either have the fountain of youth be the fountain of youth or don't bother with it).


We increased our technology.

A glorious monument to celebrate the achievements of Rome and of our dynasty? Why, there can only be one place for that.



Meanwhile, our black conquistador (see last update) sent back new maps:


...that is a lot of unclaimed land indeed.


WAR GALLEONS. And an admiralty. Hmmmmm....if only we had a city in our empire that was the epitome of Naval success and had provided the Roman Empire with huge amounts of ships in CKII....

OH YEAH.



Yes, let's do that.


Don't worry guys, even Emperors get in trouble with female warriors sometimes....oh wait, when we do, WE MARRY THEM. You guys are pussies.



The reformed Tercio seems like the best way to deal with the mass chinese horde attacks.

Also, we could build a war college. Man, if only there was a city which was already renowned for the quality of its troops and the military schools...


*satisfied nod*


As if anybody would be surprised.

Let us try and go for more tangible riches.

Like the rich spices of Java.




I guess the Saxons are indeed a gift to civilization. Especially as all the cork-producing regions are owned by us.


An idea I don't need. (Mercs suck anyways as they don't upgrade, so if you are reliant on mercs you spent massive sums disbanding and rehiring them whenever a new troop type gets developed. Thus, mercs are not a viable alternative, making merchant republics utter shit at war due to their low manpower)


Islam is resilient, I give them that. However, our inquisition stamped this out within three years.


Who hasn't heard of the great farms of Salamanca?


Absolute rulership. Wait, we didn't have that already as Roman Emperor?

Meanwhile, the Roman and Westsaxon colonies in the new world had another fight among themselves, with nobody else caring about this.



Killing grounds. Exactly what is needed against the Chinese Hordes.



A few years later, our Emperor died.

Fountain of youth, my ass. Now we got another regency for 7 years.

Wait, you mean, just because she was fathered out of wedlock with some debutante you think she is unworthy to rule? We'll see what the legions think of that.

Not much, as it turns out. The dynasty of Thanas remained on the throne.


Meh, another idea that won't do much for us.


On:

Lithuania was integrated into the Empire.

giving our realm its biggest extent yet:


That's all for this update.

[Gandalf]

I'm glad you've kept up the historian's quotes in the game.

[LaCroix]

Another regency... Well, grab a chair and pop one of these new corked bottles open, and enjoy the show in the colonies...

Great game.

[Iroscato]

Holy shit, the Mings know how to pump out fresh targets, don't they? They're really not going to go down easily...

[Titan Uranus]

I assume Iceland being called "Island" is an artifact of the port? Are you just going to leave the remaining Europeans alone or are they on you vasselize/diplo-annex list?

[Thanas]

I assume Iceland being called "Island" is an artifact of the port?

Yeah, due to the CKII mod using original languages.

As for what will happen to them, depends on the time left to me.

[Thanas]

The Downfall of Saxony

A son was born.

Johan, of course. After all, our dynasty was founded by a Johan. (also, best stats of all the options)


It is a massive prestige hit, but we have always limited the nobility and promoted our peasants.


Iceland - now even more icier.

Thankfully we're more interested in expanding into warmer climates.

Like Brunei, where we took about a third of the territory.

Meanwhile, in Mexico:

Why do you colonists need an assembly in the first place? Your job is to provide taxes, get no representation and to shut up.

In response, we hiked up the tariffs. That'll show them (and definitely not push them into rebellion.)

To vent our anger, we decided to take the remainder of Java.


This was easily done.


The mother of all Afghans will serve us at our court. (Seriously, look her up, you'll be astonished). Her poetry is also nothing to scoff at:
"Dew drops from an early dawn narcissus
as if tear drops from a melancholy eye,
O beauty, I asked, what makes you cry
life is too short for me, it answered
My beauty blooms and withers in a moment
as if smile comes and forever fades away"


Rule O Roma, Roma rule the waves, Britons always always be our slaves.


Oh yeah.

A new Royal palace to rival the Palatin.


"They see me building, they hating."


Hmmm....sugar becomes more popular....
You know what that means, right?

That's right, more exploitation of the colonies.


We finished our administrative ideas.

This prompted us to undertake a full review of our Government policies and to consider what we should do now.

The recent events have convinced us that we need to strengthen our rules for colonial administrations. This will definitely not cause resentment or complaints of the stinking emperor telling FREE MEN how to live. And if it does, we will send a legion to sort it out. Speaking of the legions....

Our soldiers shall know that the Lord is on our side and that they are fighting for the divine rights of our dynasty.


Like the divine right to take whatever territory we wish to take.

From "Der Untergang" by His Highness, Duke Waldemar Wilhelmidus of Saxonia, Dresden 1920:
"The Romans, now buoyed by claims of divine surpremacy and pre-destination, swarmed the borders of Sachsen in alarming number. For every soldier we could field, they fielded four. For every soldier who fell, three more took their place, all with the iron discipline and unquestioning obedience to any order, no matter how suicidal. But we Saxons were not unprepared, for we had fought this foe for over four-hundred years by now. As usual, we let them penetrate deep into our Hinterland, gathered our army and awaited the moment to strike."

"Unfortunately for my Royal ancestor, the Romans were not willing to overextend this time, forcing us to engage them near Bremen. In the Battle of Bremen, we had the advantage of heavier artillery and infantry, while they had the advantage of cavalry."

"While our lines were engaged, we noticed too late the trap the Romans had laid for us. For soon, a third gold eagle appeared and the Legio VI Victrix fell upon our flank, whereas we had reports of a fourth legion marching to cut off our retreat near Stade. The perfidious Roman General Narses - undoubtedly a descendants of the Persian nobility long absorbed into Rome - did his ancient ancestor proud."

"For while we tried to retreat hastily and in good order, the Roman tercios ordered an all-out charge and cut our artillerymen to pieces. A third of our artillery was lost that day, enormous sums of material and treasure were taken and we lost thirteen standards."

"Another calamity befell us in the east, for our siege train which was marching to join the remnants of our main army, was surprised near Breslau by the Legio II Parthica and cut to pieces."

"Our general Poppo was caught near Posen by no less than five legions...."

...and forced to surrender his entire army. My noble ancestor dug in at Oldenburg, but the Romans did not fear his field fortifications and ordered an all-out assault by their infantry."

"The assault succeeded. Though we bloodied the Romans, our main army had no choice but to retreat and disintegrated over the course of the next few months, always being chased by the Roman Hussars, never being able to organize effectively again. In this situation, more and more soldiers decided to desert, leaving the standards for their homes."

"Two years later, the last army was cornered between the legions, while the Hinterland was all but in Roman hands. My noble ancestor, not wishing to further see his people suffer, asked the Roman Emperor Johan V for peace. But the Emperor with the Saxon name was cruel. He ordered that half the land be split from our country and the Kingdom of Pomerania be given those lands. His pomposity further declared that he would take no land for Rome itself, for Rome would be a liberator, not a conqueror. Meanwhile, the people of Saxony, now divided into two seperate states, wept for their dead."

Pommerania, now risen from the dead.



Land clearances were now a widespread method to get new land, which provided a boom in agricultural production.

This new shipclass will definitely not be used by our privateers to prey on Westsaxon trade.

Speaking of Westseaxe, let us take stock off the world.

In Africa, Westseaxe was gathering more and more territory, but the continent remained untouched for the most part.

In Europe, we had finally split Saxony and made Pommerania an ally.

In the east, we had enhanced our possessions with the conquest of Java and focused most of our colonization efforts there.

South America was largely unclaimed - except for the Westsaexons successfully genociding the Inca and spreading their influence eastwards.

In North America, we had started to colonize Canada.

(to be continued below)

[Thanas]

(continued from above)


We researched Line infantry, allowing our pike squares to form into a new formation. We still kept the tercios though because for the time being, muskets with bayonets wouldn't cut it in close combat against the Chinese hordes.

Speaking of hordes, we had left the Rus of Vladimir unattended for too long. And they held juicy baltic states Johan wanted.

The main assault started from Finland and Estonia into Nerva.
The Russians definitely were not Saxons, for they crumbled completely without offering noteworthy resistance.


All it took were four legions and two battles to completely wipe out their pathetic excuse of an army.

Again we took no territories and instead demanded the release of a new country which held the baltic territories.

Said country immediately became our vassals, paving the way for them to be integrated into the glorious Roman Empire.


Hooray. She truly was a remarkable women - and the reason why one cannot just claim there was a blanket ban on female education in catholic countries. Surprisingly, the Anglo-Saxon countries often had far stronger troubles with women education. As an aside, I wish I had her language knowledge.


"Looks like we will pay the iron price then soon".


We conquered all of Brunei, they put up close to no resistance.

And now it was time to push into China again.


From "Tipping point - How the east was won. The Roman Campaigns of 1666-1676", by Mag. Kosmos Liu, Soul 1973:
"It was at this juncture that the Emperor Johan wisely decided upon the strategy that would ultimately subdue China. He did so while citing a popular Rapier manual: "If thou cannot strike at the head of thy enemy and thou cannot hurt his trunk, thou shall pierce his hands, limbs and joints." Thus, it became Roman strategy to focus always on the Ming periphery first before striking at the heart of the Empire. In previous conflicts Rome had gone blow to blow with the main Ming territory. Some Generals saw this new strategy as a form of weakness, others saw it as a prudent conserving of manpower. Thus, while war was declared against Ming, the real targets of this campaign was the Ming periphery, namely the nations of Jianzhou and Korea, both faithful servants of Ming which provided much treasure and manpower for their overlord."

"The Ming army was allowed to penetrate into Roman territory to waste its energy on pointless sieges - for no Ming army had ever taken a Roman city fortress - and then beaten back by a flying column of six legions."

"Meanwhile, the Ming army made the attempt to attack the Roman eastern fleet which was resupplying the forces in Korea."

"Although Rome lost well over 50 ships filled with precious cargo, not a single Ming ship returned to its ports, for the Roman Wargalleons, carrying two massive gundecks each, destroyed the Ming junks."

The Ming attempted to stop the Roman progress into Korea. Here the lesser quality of the Korean troops showed, for despite some Ming reinforcements...

A single Roman legion swept an army more than twice its size.

Another calamity for the Ming happened at Gyegu when the main portion of the Ming cavalry was caught by two legions while raiding Roman territory without artillery support and decided to attack the Tercio squares head on. The result was a slaughter in which the Romans lost little over 2000 soldiers, whereas Ming lost 35.000 men.

"Jianzhou, which was entirely conquered, was forced to surrender half its territory."

"Two years later, all of Korea was conquered."

"The Romans took two thirds of the country in exchange for piece."

"As the troops released from Korea poured into Ming proper, the Ming attempted to attack the single legion besieging Boading."

"However, a single legion sent in further support was enough to defeat the remainder of the entire Ming army. It was clear that with the new invention of the Line tactic, the killing grounds tactic of artillery and the general increase in morale and discipline the point had been reached where numbers were no longer enough to stand toe to toe with the Roman legions."

"This time, Ming was forced to surrender proper territory, territory that was valuable and not just empty desert wasteland. The Romans had finally managed to get a port in the Chinese Coast."

(In case you are wondering, yes, those massive territories would have put me over 100% overextension. But: Those were separate peace treaties with Korea and Jianzhou. It took me two years to conquer enough of Ming to make them release the territories of Ming proper, so overextension was avoided by coring the Korean territories during that time).


"Yes, with all those wars, I imagine there are quite a few widows these days".


Hooray for cartridges.


Oh yes, proper ships of the line. Definitely useful."


Constitution. Pfft. We already have the Roman laws, so why would we need to rewrite that which works? Probably some silly colony will use that....

Speaking of colonies, we formed Roman Canada.

Sorry.


The East India company will shut their mouths. Our resources are strained enough with integrating the Koreans, we don't need any more land in India. Besides, China and Indonesia are more interesting, have better-looking women and are richer with better trade goods anyway.

We had to pick a new idea, so we chose diplomacy, as our limit for administrative ideas was full (with the newest DLC you cannot have more than 50% administrative ideas).

Foreign embassies. Why do we need them? Our demands are simple. Give us your land and your money. If not, we will take it. There. All the diplomacy Rome needs.


Yes yes, more colonists. Quite useful.


"We are the Romans. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Your trade goods will be added to our markets. Your genes will enhance our gene pool. Shall you resist us, we will assimilate you anyway, it will just take a bit longer."



Sow discontent against us? Why, I never. Who would hate our glorious Roman Empire?

As we had a lot to integrate, we made peace for a few years, during which we researched the next diplomatic idea.

Yay, a cabinet. Why do we need it again? The previous division of labour ("You are the governor for this province. We demand an annual tribute of money and slaves to be sent to our palace. You will also build roads, civilize the populace, give out citizenship and build a lot of buildings, for which we will send you money. If you get corrupt, we will see you again in the arena") worked just fine for us.


"Wait, what?"
So...what happened was that while we were fighting the Ming Sachsen and Pommerania (who we had a Royal marriage with) got into a squabble over some border territories, which killed the Pommeranian king. A noble of our dynasty then got the throne, but died a few years later. Then we inherited it....and the war with Saxony.
Fine....if you insist, we'll get into it with Sachsen.

This time, there was little resistance from the armies - Pommerania and Saxony having bludgeoned each other to exhaustion already - but the weather was less forgiving.

As many as it takes. We got over 3 million available soldiers and the elements will not defy Rome.

A year later we had stormed all across Saxony and took Bavaria and Friesland in the peace treaty.

(Mandatory: UGH, BAVARIAN SCHLUCHTENSCHEIßER).

And the game decided to balance this out with our leader dieing. Emperor Johan was no more.
On:

he was succeeded by his son, also known as the nitwit.


(Honestly, this pisses me off. I finally get it going, know how to defeat Ming and the game decides to kill my best Emperor yet. Hooray. It seems as if the game balances success with early death of your ruler.)

End of this part.

Tl, DR:
- smashed them.

[LaCroix]

Well, your new emperor isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but neither is a hammer. It still can smash things pretty well.

It's not as if you were in need of diplomatic skill...

[Eternal_Freedom]

Indeed. I think Rome's attitude to diplomacy in this game is rather like Davros's definition from the Second Empire comic: "Instead of exterminating your enemies now, you lie to them and pretend to like them. Then, later, when they least expect it, you exterminate them."

[Borgholio]

As an aside, I wish I had her language knowledge.

Out of curiosity, besides German and English, how many languages do you speak?

(Mandatory: UGH, BAVARIAN SCHLUCHTENSCHEIßER).

"SCHLUCHTENSCHEIßER" translates into "Canyon Ass"... say what?

[Purple]

"SCHLUCHTENSCHEIßER" translates into "Canyon Ass"... say what?

It translates as "people that shit into canyons".

[LaCroix]

It's a really impressive insult, though, as the Bavarians usually call the Austrians "Schluchtenscheisser".
The only way to insult them even more would be to call them "Bavarian SauPreussen"... (Prussian pigs - as in, everyone living north of the "Weisswurstäquator")

My best hit was telling a Bavarian from Munich that being from Munich makes him half a Frank (Inhabitant of the german territory of Franken), already... They also hate those.

Come to think of it, they hate a lot of people who aren't Bavarians. Almost all of them.

[Thanas]

It's a really impressive insult, though, as the Bavarians usually call the Austrians "Schluchtenscheisser".
The only way to insult them even more would be to call them "Bavarian SauPreussen"... (Prussian pigs - as in, everyone living north of the "Weisswurstäquator")

My best hit was telling a Bavarian from Munich that being from Munich makes him half a Frank (Inhabitant of the german territory of Franken), already... They also hate those.

Come to think of it, they hate a lot of people who aren't Bavarians. Almost all of them.

It is even more hilarious because Bavarians and Franks live in the same state, yet don't really want anything to do with each other. My aunt is from Franken and she got really outraged once when I called her a Bavarian (I was seven and did not know better).

As an aside, I wish I had her language knowledge.

Out of curiosity, besides German and English, how many languages do you speak?

Well, I am proficient in seven languages (German, English, Latin, French, Spanish, Italian and Ancient Greek) myself, so the total number of languages is the same. But - she has far harder languages to learn (including Arabic, Hebrew and Chaldaic (Biblical Aramaic)). So that gives her almost all the major language families of antiquity, each with their own alphabet. And she was more likely more proficient than I was in the four languages we share, for it is generally accepted that she spoke nearly all, if not all of them, fluently whereas I can read, but only speak fluently three of them (maybe five on a good day and in the right situation, but with a terrible accent so I don't consider myself really fluent in them).


I mean, I could cheat a and count low German, which is its own language, but not really spoken anymore. If one would count low German - and I know people who do - my total language knowledge would be eight. Old German would push it to nine, but really that would be major cheating as both languages aren't really spoken anymore and barely have any written words except for old books and a few plays today.

A new update coming in a few hours, tomorrow morning at the latest.

[Borgholio]

Don't mean to take this thread on a tangent, but I've often wondered how polyglots handle that many languages. Naturally the more you practice the better you become, but do you have to dedicate time to just sit and read or practice speaking one of these languages the same way you would dedicate an hour a day to physical exercise? I can't imagine you use all of those tongues casually in your daily routine...

[Iroscato]

It's a really impressive insult, though, as the Bavarians usually call the Austrians "Schluchtenscheisser".
The only way to insult them even more would be to call them "Bavarian SauPreussen"... (Prussian pigs - as in, everyone living north of the "Weisswurstäquator")

My best hit was telling a Bavarian from Munich that being from Munich makes him half a Frank (Inhabitant of the german territory of Franken), already... They also hate those.

Come to think of it, they hate a lot of people who aren't Bavarians. Almost all of them.

It is even more hilarious because Bavarians and Franks live in the same state, yet don't really want anything to do with each other. My aunt is from Franken and she got really outraged once when I called her a Bavarian (I was seven and did not know better).

As an aside, I wish I had her language knowledge.

Out of curiosity, besides German and English, how many languages do you speak?

Well, I am proficient in seven languages (German, English, Latin, French, Spanish, Italian and Ancient Greek) myself, so the total number of languages is the same. But - she has far harder languages to learn (including Arabic, Hebrew and Chaldaic (Biblical Aramaic)). So that gives her almost all the major language families of antiquity, each with their own alphabet. And she was more likely more proficient than I was in the four languages we share, for it is generally accepted that she spoke nearly all, if not all of them, fluently whereas I can read, but only speak fluently three of them (maybe five on a good day and in the right situation, but with a terrible accent so I don't consider myself really fluent in them).


I mean, I could cheat a and count low German, which is its own language, but not really spoken anymore. If one would count low German - and I know people who do - my total language knowledge would be eight. Old German would push it to nine, but really that would be major cheating as both languages aren't really spoken anymore and barely have any written words except for old books and a few plays today.

A new update coming in a few hours, tomorrow morning at the latest.

Well, don't feel too bad; you seem to have a better grasp of english than I do, and I'm a native

[Thanas]

Don't mean to take this thread on a tangent, but I've often wondered how polyglots handle that many languages. Naturally the more you practice the better you become, but do you have to dedicate time to just sit and read or practice speaking one of these languages the same way you would dedicate an hour a day to physical exercise?

Depends on the language. With English, for example, I use it daily and its gotten to the point where I will think in English, or in a mixed German/English language, or in German. Similar with latin. Sometimes I dream in foreign languages too. Dreaming in ancient Greek is weird, especially because it is not my favorite language. Some languages I just get, some I don't and have to put time in. For the latter, my spoken Spanish and Italian atrophied a lot (I got some Italian colleagues but they refuse to speak anything but German while in Germany, the bastards ) Sadly I am not such a big talent that I can just speak a language naturally (at least not romanic languages - I do just fine with germanic languages like English). I don't know, this is all pretty weird to me myself and honestly I don't dwell a lot of time on it.

My brother is the one in our family who gets every language naturally. That guy is capable of speaking with his former French teacher in french after not even hearing the language for several years. But he is also utterly disinterested in languages and learning them per se and only took them because he had to in school. I wish I had this natural gift, but I don't. C'est la vie.

I can't imagine you use all of those tongues casually in your daily routine...

Well, most of them on any given week. Research being international and all that.

[Gandalf]

Don't mean to take this thread on a tangent, but I've often wondered how polyglots handle that many languages. Naturally the more you practice the better you become, but do you have to dedicate time to just sit and read or practice speaking one of these languages the same way you would dedicate an hour a day to physical exercise? I can't imagine you use all of those tongues casually in your daily routine...

My work keeps me doing stuff (mostly documentary analysis) in three languages. As a result of this I periodically think in Russian, or unthinkingly count in German.

But on days when I'm not doing that, I make sure to spend a little time reading a foreign newspaper or something. As you posted, it's like working out, and if you let it sit idle for a few days, reversibility kicks in.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Wow. Makes me feel incredibly lazy that the only languages I speak are English, Bad English and Maths. With a bit of brushing up I could probably get by in German though.

[Borgholio]

Wow. Makes me feel incredibly lazy that the only languages I speak are English, Bad English and Maths. With a bit of brushing up I could probably get by in German though.

Ditto. I speak enough Spanish to get by but most of the time even the Spanish immigrants speak a mixture of English and Spanish so I really never had any need to become fluent. I know I'd be too damn lazy to keep up on a language I never used.

[Thanas]

I am terribly sorry for taking so long and not delivering on the promised update yet. I am currently travelling and internet access is spotty, plus some Hotels apparently block imgur as a pornographic site. Why, I do not know.

[Iroscato]

I am terribly sorry for taking so long and not delivering on the promised update yet. I am currently travelling and internet access is spotty, plus some Hotels apparently block imgur as a pornographic site. Why, I do not know.

Can you use a proxy, or will that result in you being tarred, feathered and kicked in the nuts by law enforcement?

[Esquire]

Hotels block websites? I've never experienced that before... Anyways, this is supposed to be a fun passtime for you as well as for us; don't sweat it.

[Iroscato]

Yeah no worries either way. As entertaining as this is, you have no need to apologise for not being able to post