Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[PeZook]

You really shouldn't have sent a message to the guy who fucking hates you. Or did you miss how Shroomanski wanted you gone right from the start, but was stymied by other members of the politburo?

[Eternal_Freedom]

The game does not allow such a reschedule, sorry. You also can't downgrade a manned mission to an unmanned one.

Ok. Um, basically, do everything I said that the game allows you to do.

[Simon_Jester]

Omega, I'd do the politics game but my last attempt seems to have made the General Secretary want to kill me, no matter how reasonable. I'm no politician. Defecting, now... that I'll think about...

The General Secretary doesn't want to kill you; he just wants to wipe his ass with the letter you sent him. Seriously, you sent the letter to a character played by Shroomy. Remember this post, where Shroomanski came to believe that Dr. von Evilstein was taking, um... large bribes from the Murcans? What did you expect to happen?

Meanwhile, you know perfectly well von Evilstein has other allies in the Politburo. Remember this post, where PeZook took Shroomy's attempt to declare von Evilstein fired and soundly demolished it?

On the other hand, von Evilstein's name is already associated with many costly failures that, in character, trace back logically to his own reckless attempts to win the space race by attrition. His management style would inevitably make practically every Russian Zenobian he meets think he's a worthless shit, he sneaks and backstabs and mutters about revenge fantasies enough to make people want to strangle him- for their own safety, if nothing else.

Perhaps worst of all, he refuses to accept responsibility for the predictable failures that result from his decision to fly with unreliable rockets, while trying to claim credit for the successes that occur when his unreliable rockets succeed. That was barely tenable while all we were launching was Sputniks; how long would it have lasted when cosmonauts started dying on the more technically challenging manned orbital flights?

You can't slap together a space capsule with duct tape and baling wire and expect it to fly. In real life there were good reasons why the first manned Vostok launch took place in April 1961.

In a lot of respects, von Evilstein is like a cartoon character- one of the bad ones, the stereotype of the scheming unreliable madman. Sure, that's amusing, or can be. But who, in character, would trust someone like that with a job chopping steak at a restaurant, let alone with a national space program?

If you want to stick around and fight it out, go ahead. Just try to show, in character, more political savvy, honor, and competence. Otherwise, no one else, in character, will want anything to do with you.

[PeZook]

Ok. Um, basically, do everything I said that the game allows you to do.

In other words, two more unmanned launches in the fall?

[Shroom Man 777]

Von Evilstein was not appointed on Shroomanski's orders, but that of Ztalin, and after the death of Ztalin, Shroomanski made the Seekrit Speach and is now trying to de-Ztalinize the great Onion and bring about reforms such as space travel and corn. Da, comrades.

[Simon_Jester]

I assume you mean Eternal Freedom, not me; my plans are described in detail with one unmanned and one possibly manned launch to be scheduled for the fall, manned only if the research teams surpass themselves.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Ok. Um, basically, do everything I said that the game allows you to do.

In other words, two more unmanned launches in the fall?

And the maximum possible research on Mercury and Atlas.

[PeZook]

Excellent! Time to start implementin'!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

Oh, yes, I'm in the process of moving back home this Saturday, so I may or may not be able to post reguarly.

In that case, I shall appoint Sam Francisco as acting-Director until my return.

[FaxModem1]

The defecting scientist and Modem Jr sit in the scientist's lab, talking about how the rockets need the proper amount of lubrication. It takes a lot of talent from a certain astronaut to make sure the joystick is handled and that when its time for liftoff, there isn't any premature ignitions and that liftoff is a glorious experience.

In a totally unrelated matter, loud noises are heard from the laboratory for the rest of the night and one of the other astronauts in training thought it was a Zenobian screaming something about the rocket needing more thrust. That was until the final scream, with the payload being delivered.
Spoiler

If I'm not being funny, let me know.

[HMS Sophia]

If I'm not being funny, let me know.

I'm slightly disturbed, but it is certainly hilarious...

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 4: OW! MY CAPSULES!
Time is: Spring 1960

MURCA

[/size]

THE CAPE

The window in the Director's office was open, showing all seven astronauts running on the tarmac, their chests bare and freshly oiled with industrial lubricants. The astronaut quarters were one of the primary consumers of MASA's industrial lubricant supplies. The Director would rather not ask why: he was satisfied that his men were not yet complaining about delays to the manned program.

Delays that, hopefully, would soon be over. As he reviewed the mission plan for these two quarters, Johnny was full of optimism.

Sam Francisco assured him in the strongest hick accent he could muster that the Atlas was as good as the R&D team could make it ; They had every chance to think frequent explosions and fires were a thing of the past. The capsule was still a work in progress, but with the recent decision to take it slow, it should come together nicely in time for the first manned launches next year.

For now, Johnny approved the plan. It was time to rock and roll!

Code: Select all

Current funds: 42 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: 
MODEMJR - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 2
FLASHHEART - CAP 1, LM 0, EVA 4, DOCK 1, END 1
CUNTSER - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 
MCCAIN - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 1 
KELLY - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 2 
HARDBEEF - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2
OHJESUS - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 1

Programs running: Explorer, Atlas, Mercury

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: Launch Pad A, unmanned suborbital, Mercury/Atlas
                            Launch Pad B, unmanned earth orbital, Mercury/Atlas
                            Launch Pad C, none, freshly built

ZENOBIA

[/size]

BAIKONUREK

Syrgy Pavyllych climbed a huge piece of industrial machinery, right next to the tarp-covered prototype of the Vostok capsule.

"Comrades!", he began his speech to the gathered machinists, scientists, security workers and other staff of Baikonurek Cosmodrome, "I know you were disheartened by the setbacks we have suffered this season! The mysterious failures and technical problems have destroyed your hope of beating the capitalist poison at the technical race."

"But you need worry no longer! Thanks to great generosity of the Zenobian people, who saw fit to trust us with a great many more resources, and your hard work, we have achieved - indeed, surpassed! All our goals."

The engineer pointed to the unassuming capsule, still covered by the tarp and surrounded by mean-looking Interior Ministry troops.

"Thanks to your dedication and skill, the Vostok spaceship is almost ready. It will now leave for its home factory, where final fitting shall be realized. Because of its fine performance during tests, I am hereby approving a MANNED MISSION for fall this year!"

"Long live Zenobia! Long live the Zenobian people!"

The cheering of the crowd carried far across the steppes. Back in Murca, Johnny von Braun woke up with a cold sweat, as if a communist hid somewhere in his room.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 48 megabucks

Current astronaut roster:
KARZANOVSKI - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2 (VOSTOK/V)
IVANOV - CAP 4, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 1 (VOSTOK/IV)
FAAABIO  - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 (VOSTOK/I)
DOSTAROVASKI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 3 (VOSTOK/III)
IVANOVICH - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 3, DOCK 2, END 3 (VOSTOK/VI)
NIKOV - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 2 (VOSTOK/VII)
TITOV - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 (VOSTOK/II)

WARNING: Comrades Titov, Dostarovski and Ivanov are becoming increasingly dissatisfied. Comrade Nikov's assignment as a backup for Vostok II, the first manned launch, seems to have lifted his spirits, though.

Programs running: Sputnik, A-Series, Vostok, Booster stage

Launch pads: 2

Scheduled missions: None

***

MISSIONS LAUNCH
MERCURY I, APRIL 1960

The cup of coffee slammed onto the console with the strength of a thousand elephants. Johnny von Braun was still distraught by his nightly episode, which strangely did not have a happy (though messy) ending. It wasn't an episode of the pleasant kind.

However, the phallic sight of the first ever Atlas-Mercury stacks comforted him. The huge rocket, ready to pierce the virgin skies at his command, was a sight to behold.



Just a button touch, and the rocket was off! Perfectly, with no failures whatsoever, it rose...and rose...and rose...

It released its payload above the atmosphere, ejaculating it into the aerther. Unfortunately, telemetry was lost soon thereafter.




That...did not inspire confidence. But they still had time to make adjustments and do an incident analysis before the second launch.

MERCURY II, JUNE 1960

...unfortunately, the adjustments were not quite enough. They didn't even get the opportunity to test the improved heat shield - a thruster problem caused the rocket to spiral out of control.




"Whoops", said Sam Francisco, "I hope we get it worked out before manned launches."

[Eternal_Freedom]

"Shit!" Schedule another pair of unmanned flights in Fall 1960 (one suborbital, one Earth orbital.)

Continue maximm possible R&D on the Mercury capsule
If the Atlas program is at max reliability, remove R&D, there's nothing more to be done.

Begin Titan program, 5 teams. We need to start thinking ahead while we have the funds.

EDIT: Cursing fixed as per Akhlut's comment.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem Jr looked at the screen with the scientist he had been spending a lot of after hours training with. Drago Ivanov grabbed his hand after the thrusters failed. Fax squeezed as well. It was fortunate that they had gone unmanned first, otherwise someone might have died.

They quickly let their hands go apart as Drago went to work, looking for problems. Fax went back to training, hoping the problem could be found.

[Akhlut]

Hey, Murcans don't say Bollocks. That's Anglians.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 4: OW! MY CAPSULES!
Time is: Fall 1960

MURCA

[/size]

THE CAPE

Johnny von Braun had another nightly incident. But that was because of wailing sirens.

Military police vehicles raced across the spaceflight center. Dogs barked, helicopters whirled about. Somebody was blaring through a megaphone.

"What the hell?!", Johnny screamed and got out of bed, slipping on a pile of technical reports.






"ARGH!", he yelled, "ARGH SQUARED!", he yelled again, when a military police trooped busted into his office.

"Are there spies here?!", he yelled at the Director

"What?"

"Are there spies here? Are you a spy?"

"No!"

"Oh! Okay then."

Code: Select all

Current funds: 42 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: 
MODEMJR - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 1, END 2
FLASHHEART - CAP 1, LM 0, EVA 4, DOCK 1, END 1
CUNTSER - CAP 3, LM 3, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 
MCCAIN - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 1 
KELLY - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 2, END 2 
HARDBEEF - CAP 3, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2
OHJESUS - CAP 4, LM 1, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 1

Programs running: Explorer, Atlas, Mercury

Launch pads: 3

Scheduled missions: Launch Pad A, unmanned suborbital, Mercury/Atlas
                            Launch Pad B, unmanned earth orbital, Mercury/Atlas
                            Launch Pad C, unmanned earth orbital, Mercury/Atlas

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!", the Director demanded after getting dressed and getting out of his office. When he learned the answer, he could only curse.

"Scheisse!"

ZENOBIA

[/size]

BAIKONUREK

"Welcome back, comrade", said the gravely voice, "I hope you managed to say goodbye to that nice and muscled astronaut you were sleeping with when we found you, because you have lots of work to do."

The owner of the gravely voice tore the bad off Dr. Drago Ivanov's head, and the traitorous rocket engineer found himself staring at a massive corck wall filled with technical schematics.

"LOTS OF WORK. And don't think we'll let you stop!"

Code: Select all

Current funds: 48 megabucks

Current astronaut roster:
KARZANOVSKI - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 2 (VOSTOK/V)
IVANOV - CAP 4, LM 2, EVA 0, DOCK 1, END 1 (VOSTOK/IV)
FAAABIO  - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 3 (VOSTOK/I)
DOSTAROVASKI - CAP 2, LM 0, EVA 1, DOCK 1, END 3 (VOSTOK/III)
IVANOVICH - CAP 2, LM 1, EVA 3, DOCK 2, END 3 (VOSTOK/VI)
NIKOV - CAP 4, LM 0, EVA 2, DOCK 0, END 2 (VOSTOK/VII)
TITOV - CAP 3, LM 1, EVA 1, DOCK 0, END 1 (VOSTOK/II)

WARNING: Comrades Titov, Dostarovski and Ivanov are becoming increasingly dissatisfied. Comrade Nikov's assignment as a backup for Vostok II, the first manned launch, seems to have lifted his spirits, though.

Programs running: Sputnik, A-Series, Vostok, Booster stage

Launch pads: 2

Scheduled missions: Launch pad A, unmanned Suborbital, Vostok/A series
                            Launch pad B, manned suborbital, Vostok/A series

[Simon_Jester]

Hang on! I need to think!

[Zixinus]

It was inevitable really. It was only a matter of time till we bring out the phallic jokes.

[HMS Sophia]

Full research on mercury (5 teams, 5MB)

Sam would like to advise the director to start EVA suits instead of titan. That way we can get our EVA prep done in the mercury once its ready to fly.

[Akhlut]

Earn your corns, Pavylyvych! Why do you think the Premier is paying you with so many bushels of it? To not think? Nyet!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Continue maximm possible R&D on the Mercury capsule
Keep 2 teams on the Atlas program

Begin Titan program, 5 teams. We need to start thinking ahead while we have the funds.

[FaxModem1]

To put it in a word; Fax Modem was pissed. Soviet agents had entered the base, broken into the barracks, and forced Drago to come with them. Fax Modem received a butt-stroke with a Soviet rifle to the face for his trouble. He informed the Director of what happened, and wondered if Drago would be okay.

He had also forgotten that the Murcan government tended to frown on that kind of behavior.

[PeZook]

No more research on the Atlas is possible, the rocket is past the max r&d level and thus you have to fly it to improve it further.

[HMS Sophia]

Continue maximm possible R&D on the Mercury capsule
Keep 2 teams on the Atlas program

Begin Titan program, 5 teams. We need to start thinking ahead while we have the funds.

We cant research atlas any-more I think.

And I still suggest doing EVA suits instead of Titan. It would be a better use of the funds, as it gives us more missions. With Titan we need to do Gemeni or Ranger as well really, to make it worthwhile.

[Simon_Jester]

Re: FaxModem

First von Evilstein, and now this!

Will you foul capitalists never stop corrupting the morals of our upstanding citizens with your hot dogs and Coca-Cola bottles? We must condition the New Zenobian Mang to be IMMUNE to your blandishments!
_____________

Syrgy Pavylyvych walks into the room and leans against a desk. His face looks a little drawn, but otherwise well enough. His smile reveals a great deal of dental work- always has.

"Comrade Ulyanov, just the man I was hoping to see... You understand, we've been having some difficulties with the retro-rocket package. And here you are, now with valuable additional experience from the Murcan laboratories! I have heard very interesting rumors from the NKVDVDROM about what they're doing to give their capsules that essential boot in the rear, a subject on which you are perhaps the world's foremost expert. So, you'd best have at it, eh? The weather at Kylhima is terrible this time of year. Trust me."


PeZook, as a character behavior thing, Syrgy has fairly tight standards on this launch. In his heart, he doesn't really expect all the technical problems to be solved in time, though he will of course work as hard as he can. So he wouldn't promise it in quite such glowing terms- it'd be couched in stuff like "there are many challenges ahead of us, but if we all put our shoulder to the wheel and work proceeds according to the schedule, we will have a manned launch by the end of the year!"

He will scrub the manned launch if reliability is still too low after the Fall '60 research program. Also, I assume we can still scrub the manned launch if the unmanned launch that comes before it is a failure? I'll have to work out a decision tree for you soon, along with an R&D and procurement budget for Fall 1960.


Hmm. What would go in the unmanned launch. Nothing but automation? A box of turtles? A monkey? I am not sure! Though despite some suggestions, under no circumstances will Herr Doktor von Evilstein be used to test a space capsule. Syrgy will tolerate no such suggestions.


Finally, I understand that cosmonaut dissatisfaction is becoming an issue; this is why I didn't want to hire the cosmonaut cadre so early back in '58, knowing we wouldn't have a working capsule for a good while after they left training.

Are you willing to give me the numbers for cosmonaut satisfaction? I seem to recall those being visible.