Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[Simon_Jester]

Right.

[Scottish Ninja]

In any case, Petr Petrovich strongly supports Syrgy Pavylyvych's continuing leadership of the space program, for his moving tribute to his old friend and comrade.

Man. You go into these things knowing that people are going to die, possibly in huge numbers, but somehow you never expect it to happen to you.

Also, if the Murcans are still recruiting astronauts in the mid-70s I think young Ivan Ivanov should sign up there. That would have absolutely nothing to do with the GRU, of course. *whistles innocently* The Murcans will take 15-year olds, right?

[FaxModem1]

Rex Modem, of course, joins the second wave of astronauts.

[PeZook]

Moosecow
Sebrada Gadunky Apartment Blocks

A courier arrives, unnoticed by anyone save of course for the always vigilant NKVDVDROM. He carries a letter, sealed and marked "Eyes Only", delivering it to one of the myriad apartments that house minor officials and administrative workers.

This particular apartment is home to herr doktor Doom von Evilstein, currently staying in Moosecow while attempting to regain control of the Zenobian space program.

The courier takes von Evilstein's signature and leaves. The envelope is sealed and tamper-proof. Inside, a most auspicious message, even if it is hastily typed out and marked with white splotches where liquid paper was applied to correct mistakes.

Dear Dr. Doom von Evilstein,

On behalf of the Chairman of the Supreme Soviet, comrade Bragonid Bearzhnev, you are invited to attend an emergency Politburo meeting on May 4th, concerning industrial policy of the Zenobian Onion.

Comrade Bearzhnev requests that you speak about your impression on the current leadership of the space program in front of the Politburo.

With regards,

Pyotr F. Gosevich, secretary to the Chairman of the Supreme Soviet

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

I can't wait to see how this develops. A good ole power play is fun to watch as long as you're not the one involved in it.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

I can't wait to see how this develops. A good ole power play is fun to watch as long as you're not the one involved in it.

Agreed, tovarisch.

Five years. Hah.

[doom3607]

Well, it probably is physically possible, given that I'm doing it the technically easiest way. It'd just take luck.

[PeZook]

Moosecow

"Why is he back? He wasn't supposed to be back!", Bearzhnev mused to his secretary, Gosevich, as he observed the room fill up from his elevated seat. He called for this assembly under false pretenses, claiming it was supposed to discuss the state of Zenobian industries and decide on policies relating to them, while in reality he'd use the failures of the space program to discredit Shroomanski and get him deposed.

The major thing, of course, was that Shroomanski wasn't supposed to be here. He must still have allies in the Central Comittee, perhaps even in the Politburo itself.

"I don't know, sir", the secretary shrugged, "You will have to proceed with him here. It shouldn't be a problem."

"Yes...very well. Let's get on with it!"

Bearznev rose, seeing the room now full, and the representatives ready to hear him.

"Comrades of the Central Comittee of the Communist Party! Forgive me this breach of procedure, but I shall be the first to speak today!"

Bearznev rose. He could only see the back of Shroomanski's head, which infuriated him to no end, "Zenobia is in peril. Mismanagement and problems within its current administration left our industries, and the patriotic workers operating them, in a state of disrepair. Erratic and irrational decisions regarding staffing, resource allocation and price policies, all a work of this man!"

Bearzhnev pointed a finger accusingly at Shroomanski. There was a collective gasp from the Central Comitte at the accusation.

"Representatives of the Soviets! As a small sample of the overall incompetence of the premier, I present to you a letter, sent to him by the head of our glourious space program! This letter, copies of which you will find on your desks, outlined the sad state of affairs at the Baikonurek Cosmodrome. You will note it was signed by a man removed from his station by comrade Shroomanski in favor of another man, a protege of the Premier - at which point the program began to disintegrate."

Bearznev began waving a copy of the letter in the air, for dramatic effect, "THIS LETTER WAS HIDDEN! IGNORED! THROWN INTO THE TOILET! It was not presented before the Politburo for review! Nothing was done to stop the death spiral of the Zenobian space program, doktor von Evilstein's attempts to save it falling on deaf ears!"

"And now, comrades, now, as the result of this incompetence, which was NOT adressed, which was NOT rectified, which was allowed to run rampant, a brave cosmonaut is dead! Zenobia's son paid in blood for mismanagement and procrastination of the man who promised to lead us towards a better future! This man hid the wrongdoings of his chosen puppet, his man, this...Syrgy Pavylyvych. And that's not the end!"

The chairman crumpled and threw a copy of von Evilstein's letter to the floor, and then suddenly noticed someone sitting in the lower row, reserved for VIP guests.

It was von Evilstein.

Bearznev locked down for a moment, glancing back and forth between the Thanasian and his secretary, as if trying to ask who invited the man. But the chairman couldn't appear weak, he couldn't waver now that the comittee was at the height of its outrage. Then again, he also couldn't be sure why the Thanasian was here, for all he knew...



Shroomanski expertly seized the short moment of Bearznev's hesitation. He stood up and addressed the Comittee.

"I would like, if the Chairman allows...or even if he doesn't...to present a fuller picture of the matter to the Central Comittee. Doctor von Evilstein here has been head of the space program in its early days, and will present to you a proper and unbiased report without unnecessary dramatics and theatrics the Chairman is so fond of, da? Come, comrade doctor and speak! Let the truth defend itself!"

"The Chairman has not granted the floor to...", Bearzhnev protested, feeling his command of the situation slip from his hands. What the hell? What was this man planning?

Shroomanski slammed his fist into the podium, making the microphones go into a feedback loop, "Procedure will not stamp out the truth!", he yelled at the stunned Central Comittee, "The Chairman shall shut up and listen!"

Von Evilstein rose, very slowly. He was wondering the exact same thing as Bearzhnev, his eyes darting back and forth across the room. He walked to the podium, trying to buy some time to think.

----------------------

Well, doomie? Now or never.

[doom3607]

"You want to know about the space program, in its entireity? Very well. Part of any argument against me will be that I made mistakes early on. This is true, I do not deny it. I hurried because I assumed the Murcans would be hurrying to beat us. As it happens, I was wrong, and lost control of the program as a result of a failure that outdid all other failures- the explosion that destroyed a pad.The explosion of a rocket, that had been inspected to determine its safety... by Syrgy Pavylyvych. There have been other disasters since he took over this program. When the Vostok capsule's gyros failed explosively, it was after he approved a plan with a rather basic mathematical error. And more recently, his attempts to build two capsules at once may have resulted in confusion that ended in heat shield problems for them both... resulting in the death of a cosmonaut. This man is an incompetent. He sent up a cosmonaut in a pod with a known one in five chance of failing, even if everything else went perfectly! This man gambled with the life of another man, and the superiority in space of the Zenobian Onion!"

"And then there are his current plans to get to the Moon. He has been tlaking about building a 'space plane' that can be re-used for landings. I think it is ridiculous, and will take far too long to have ready. He will need a rocket far larger than what we already have, and he will need to perfect it. My plan requires rockets only marginally larger than the ones we have now, and can be done with our current capsules. His way will get to the moon, all right- by halfway through the next decade! So if you're willing to give the Murcans the lead, and kill off more brave cosmonauts, go ahead. Leave him in charge. But if you want a reasonable chance of getting to the moon safely, and beating the Murcans in the process, without killing any more cosmonauts, he needs to be removed."

"Thank you for your time."

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

Would this be on TV or anything like that? Or would it be a closed session?

[PeZook]

Spoiler

Would this be on TV or anything like that? Or would it be a closed session?

Closed session, obviously.

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

Darn, in that case, pass the popcorn, its going to be quite a show for us players.

[Simon_Jester]

FLASHBACK



Offices of the Political Bureau of the Central Committee of the Commienist Party of the Zenobian Onion
Moosecow, Zenobia
May 3, 1962

The May Day celebrations had wound down, and Comrade Spetchkov, People's Commissar for Industry, now had time to investigate some of the claims made by Dr. von Evilstein, at Bearzhnev's orders. Pursuant to this, he had summoned Syrgy Pavylyvych to Moosecow; reports said that the rocket scientist had wound up making a bumpy flight in one of the Cosmodrome's own training aircraft to get here as quickly as possible. With the appointment coming up, Spetchkov decided to try and control his serious doubts about the general viability of the space program, in order to learn as much as possible about the man Pavylyvych himself.

Give the man rope to hang himself, should he show the inclination.

Pavylyvych entered at the secretary's announcement. Spetchkov began with a brusque question, to try and catch the man off guard.

"What do you think of the general secretary?"

"I am... highly grateful for his support of the program."

"More generally."

"More generally, the broader character of the policy changes he has enacted? Sir, it is not my place as a junior Party member to pass judgment on the doings of a senior member of the Politburo."

Noncommittal. Hmph. Then again, about what would be expected from a man who was not especially political, who knew anything about Spetchkov's own reputation, and who was not a complete fool- and from Pavylyvych's own dossier, any tendencies he might have towards political outspokenness had probably been beaten out of him at Kylhima. There were reports that he had been one of many victims of 'Comrade Bear's' beating-stick.

Spetchkov nodded slightly, then pulled a document from his desk.

"Some among the Politburo have recently received a proposal for a lunar landing program based on your new Voskhod capsule. Here is a summary of what's being looked at, with a target date. What do you think?"

The Politburo man handed the rocket scientist a single sheet of paper. Von Evilstein was not named, but it was a reasonably accurate précis of the lunar-Voskhod orbit-rendevous plan he'd proposed. Spetchkov's investigation had confirmed that large parts of von Evilstein's presentation of the program were drawn from earlier documents composed by Pavylyvych. It was not entirely reassuring that von Evilstein hadn't done his own work on the subject- not so much that he had improvised while pressed for time in Moosecow, as that he had apparently made little or no independent investigation of the matter in his years out of favor and out of control of the program. But that notwithstanding, the idea of a 1967 moon landing was intriguing and merited investigation.

Spetchkov watched Pavylvych closely, and saw some very informative things as a result. The moment at which the rocket scientist first grasped exactly what was in the proposal was obvious. His eyes widened, his lips parted, and for a fraction of a second he simply stared straight forward. He looked more than a little like a man who'd just been shot. After he regained his composure, his face locked down to an even tighter degree- though the rocket scientist's poker face was not good by Politburo standards. With the air of a man proceeding through darkness by the light of his burning bridges, Pavylyvych answered Spetchkov's question with one word.

"Nyet. It could be done, but not on this schedule."

Spetchkov's brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"At a minimum, we need the rocket and the capsule. Assuming that all research and development work proceeds at an unusually fast and efficient rate, and with no further setbacks, Voskhod will be ready for test launches some time in Fall 1963. Getting it up to near-peak reliability will require at least a dozen launches, many of them unmanned: two more years for that, and we'll have a capsule that can be sent to the moon with reasonable safety some time in Fall 1965. Risk of failure on a lunar mission due to mechanical defects in a modified Voskhod will still be significant, I would eyeball it as roughly one in three."

"Is this not enough?"

"Ah, sir, if you would allow me to consider this, I believe I can assess the viability of the date in more depth."

"Go on."

"Well, as a thought experiment, let us assume there are no further setbacks, every launch goes according to plan-" was there a cynical, ironically humorous twinkle in Pavylyvych's eye? "-and unrealistically high funding; as if money were no object and the space program received top priority for specialists and materials, even above military programs."

The Politburo man frowned. "While you're at it, you might assume that it rains soup, or that the Murcans will elect the head of their Commienist Party in '64."

"I know this is most unrealistically favorable, but I think the exercise will illustrate the problems we would face in trying to meet this schedule, sir."

"Very well, go on."

"Proton cannot be begun before Spring 1963. Getting it up to snuff will require two years' research at the optimistic pace I describe: again, it cannot be man-rated before Spring 1965, at which point we can begin launching things to the moon without a high risk per launch of failure- something down to one in ten, or better. We will need a significant program of lunar mapping from close-range radar and lunar probes before we can identify suitable landing sites, and I would like to test robotic landers on the surface first. That would consume the use of our launch infrastructure going into 1966 easily, and possibly into 1967, with only a bare minimum left over for the actual manned launches necessary, on which more later."

"In short, we must remember that there will be no rocket to launch anything to the moon before Spring 1965, and no capsule safe enough to make a trip to the moon- considerably more challenging than a trip to orbit- survivable before Fall 1965. In addition to this, to do a lunar Voskhod mission we will need to develop- at exceptional expense- a lightweight lunar lander that can be handled by one man. The pilot must, by radar and by eye, steer a rocket-powered vehicle from a speed of roughly one kilometer per second to a safe landing on the lunar surface. This is a challenge in some ways like flying a helicopter, but at least an order of magnitude more difficult; having a copilot to assist greatly simplifies the process but this is not possible for the lunar-Voskhod plan."

"Can any man do it?"

"The landing? Difficult for the cosmonaut, but possible if the hardware can be created in time- which is the truly difficult part. The cosmonauts' skill often surprises me, and there are suitable candidates to pilot such a lander. The most obvious man I can think of would be among the new cadets, Porfiriy Yebanov."

Spetchkov snorted. Comrade Cosmonaut Fucked? "You are joking."

"No, sir, there is indeed a candidate cosmonaut of that name, as can be confirmed in our training records. The man has considerable experience in precision helicopter maneuvering and who shows great promise at extravehicular activity. If I had to assign any man to land on the moon in 1967 based on the lunar-Voskhod-orbit-rendevous plan, that man would indeed be... Yebanov."

"Very well. So, could you build the lander?"

"With the aforesaid funding, work on the lunar lander could run in parallel with all the other parts of the program and be completed by, say, mid-1965, if everyone involved surpasses themselves. More realistically, it would not be ready until 1966, even with unlimited funds."

"What else?"

"Well, an auxiliary support module for Voskhod- another development stage, roughly the same timescale."

"So, the hardware would be together by 1965 or 1966, you say?"

"...I do not think this schedule is realistic; money doesn't grow on trees. But if everything went perfectly, which has never happened on any engineering project in my experience... we could have lunar-capable hardware by 1966. Then there would be the matter of testing."

"Yes?"

"There are a number of hardware test milestones that we really must pass before trying to put a man on the moon. We must test orbital docking systems for the rendevous- that can be done in parallel with the Voskhod testing and orbital manned flights to a large extent, though. We must make sure our lunar lander design works, both in space and in the descent stage as it drops toward the moon. We must test the long-term survivability of the modified capsule and the viability of the booster rockets' ability to set it on course for the moon and again to bring it safely to Earth. This will require a phased program of multiple manned missions using the lunar-Voskhod configuration... I would think, at least two or three missions flown in succession with the hardware, modifications being made to the systems after each to incorporate the lessons of the last, before a manned lunar landing could be undertaken with confidence of success."

"And that would be the delay?"

"That would make it extremely difficult. If every single scheduled launch proceeded according to plan, with no failures that limited our ability to collect data and certainly no further losses of manned capsules that would force an extended period of reexamination and redesign on us, if money were no object and every engineer and technician worked like a Stakhanovite, it could... barely be done, which I am actually surprised to say since I hadn't thought it would be possible even then. But who could plan on such favorable conditions?"

Spetchkov snorted again. "Indeed. Go on."

"Sir, in all seriousness, I would not ask for the magnitude of funding and materials priorities that it would take to make this possible, certainly not without showing results first- and much of the money would be needed up front in the next two fiscal years, to pay for several extremely complicated research and development programs, all running in parallel at great expense. Any major setback in any of the programs, such as we have had several times in the past, would have ruinous effects on the schedule. This includes setbacks not under the space program's control, such as the recent difficulties with alloy tube production at Derevyna Gaduyinko."

"So, you say it is impossible to do this in five years? Why do the Murcans not face similar difficulties?"

"I'm sure they do, sir. A deadline of late 1969 for their landings, such as they set themselves in their propaganda, gives them significantly more flexibility. I do not know if they can meet even that deadline, but I know that if they can, we can with expenditure of comparable resources. As for the idea of a late 1967 lunar-Voskhod landing... With great good luck and a total commitment by the state, it would... not violate the laws of nature for us to be able to do it, but-"

"What?"

"Even ignoring the political impossibility of such a large budget, there are major issues of personnel management, because there is no room in such a schedule for any failures, setbacks, or failed tests. It would require every man, from the project chiefs down to the machinists, to perform every day as they do on their best days; it would require constant shuffling of several very challenging technical programs, a level of close supervision of subordinates that in my experience would be physically impossible unless there were thirty-six hours in a day... I know I couldn't make it happen. If there is any man who could, it would be a pleasure to work for him, sir."

"So, you would have us replace you?"

"Sir," and to Spetchkov's practiced eye the look in Pavylyvych's face was desperate behind the mask of self-control, "if we are to commit to a manned lunar landing in 1967, then without going into personalities, I do not know of any rocket scientist in the world, here or in Murca, who could keep the program on track at that pace. If ordered to try, I will try, but I tell you that failure to meet the schedule is virtually certain, even given unlimited funding. I don't know who suggested the idea to you, but I suspect they either have very little knowledge of the practical difficulties involved, or are trying to mislead you with false promises."

Spetchkov said nothing for a moment, thinking before he spoke. "Your comments are noted, Comrade Pavlyvych. Thank you, and you may go."

I must speak on this at the meeting of the Central Committee. It does not reflect well on von Evilstein... It would not be good if the opposition to Shroomanski were to fix its chariot to von Evilstein, thinking him a rising star, only to find that the man was another Lysenko.

Pavylyvych dipped his head stiffly and shuffled towards the door. As he walked out of the room, a Politburo secretary-agent heard the Chief Designer mutter under his breath, "we will all vanish without a trace."

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

So, the Politburo are setting up Von Evilstein for a fall while they also take out Shroominski, or are they just making sure not to bet all their money on that one horse?

[Simon_Jester]

Well, if they want to use bad management the space program to discredit Shroomanski, they need a credible alternative to Syrgy Pavylyvych- or they need to argue that the program should be canceled altogether. Von Evilstein is the only high-profile alternative; surely there are other candidates, but none who are obvious ones (i.e., they're NPCs).

The question the Committee has to ask itself is basically whether von Evilstein can manage the program, or whether he is to rocket science what Doctor Nick is to medicine.

[PeZook]

This man is an incompetent. He sent up a cosmonaut in a pod with a known one in five chance of failing, even if everything else went perfectly! This man gambled with the life of another man, and the superiority in space of the Zenobian Onion!"

"And then there are his current plans to get to the Moon. He has been tlaking about building a 'space plane' that can be re-used for landings. I think it is ridiculous, and will take far too long to have ready. He will need a rocket far larger than what we already have, and he will need to perfect it. My plan requires rockets only marginally larger than the ones we have now, and can be done with our current capsules. His way will get to the moon, all right- by halfway through the next decade! So if you're willing to give the Murcans the lead, and kill off more brave cosmonauts, go ahead. Leave him in charge. But if you want a reasonable chance of getting to the moon safely, and beating the Murcans in the process, without killing any more cosmonauts, he needs to be removed."

All of a sudden, there was another fist slam, which startled Evilstein.



"AHA!", yelled Stanislav Shroomanski, "You are such a considerate man, comrade von Evilstein! Such care you show for the brave cosmonauts who risk their lives under your command, da?"

Shroomanski suddenly extracted a massive binder from somewhere. It made a truly impressive thump on his podium. Without warning, women from the Red Army Hot Librarian Corps appeared from nowhere and began circulating similar binders to the people in the room.

"I present to you, comrades, the proof of doctor Evilstein's foul lies!"

To add effect, a huge white screen rolled down, and on it a slide projector displayed, in all its gigantic gloury, a reproduction of a launch approval document from 1959.

"Our good comrade, the former Thanasian slavedriver, who does not dare risk any of our cosmonauts, had approved in 1959 two manned launches of capsules that were not just imperfect, but utterly unsafe!"

Another slide appeared. A murmur rose from the Central Comittee members, as they excitedly flipped through their binders, to find hundreds of memos and signed warnings not to launch the Vostok I mission due to reliability problems - all of them carefully and painstakingly preserved by Syrgy Pavylyvych, later seized by Shroomanski's loyal agents, and now reappearing at the most auspicious moment.

"He promises he will not skimp on safety? He promises to you, really insistently? Do you know who was to fly on these launches, only to be most certainly killed? The fabulous Comrade Faaaabio Elenin, Hero of the Zenobian Onion! Yes, comrades! VON EVILSTEIN WANTED TO MURDER FAABIO!"

A gasp. A shocked silence.

"Those were different times! We had to gain the lead!", Evilstein protested.

"Really, doctor?", Dryzdyn Spetchkov rose from his seat, not being able to take it any more, "Different time? And who promised, just now, yet another rapid schedule, a schedule which was impossible to meet without cutting corners and taking risks? You promise us no deaths, comrade Evilstein, knowing full well you cannot deliver!"

If Shroomanski was surprised by Spetchkov's sudden change of heart, he did not show it and maintaned a truly awesome poker face. Bearzhnev did not, however.

"Spetchkov! What are you doing?!", he blurted out. The hall filled with sudden protests and excited chatter of the Central Comittee members, only to be interrupted by a sudden banging noise.



"NYET! NYET! SILENCE!", Shroomanski yelled, abusing the already abused podium with his shoe, "You have heard the truth! You have heard what man comrade Chairman supports, da? A liar, who butters you up with words you'd like to hear, like a filthy Capitalist pig! But I have to ask you, comrades, why did comrade Bearznev invite this lying filthy dog-loving hunchbacked..."

"I AM NOT HUNCHBACKED!!!", yelled Doom von Evilstein, but his screed was lost under Shroomanski's booming outrage.

"...hunchbacked, I say, and deformed Thanasian? Why, I will tell you! He wanted to dicredit me, to claim I was unworthy of the post I hold! An incompetent! You all heard his words!"

"Sit down, comrade General Secretary! This is a place of serious discourse!", Bearznev yelled and cut Shroomanski's microphone, "The General Secretary is clearly deranged! He is to be restrained immediately! I propose a vote..."

"NO! NO VOTE!", Shroomanski yelled, even without microphone managing to drown out the increasingly noise hall, "I INVOKE THE TRIPLE STAS BUSH TRIAL!"

And then, suddenly, there was nothing but silence.

[PeZook]

GREAT ZENOBIAN ENCYCLOPEDIA, T
Triple Stas Bush Trial

Tradition of the Commienist party ; Involves the spirit of the first post-revolutionary Premier of the Commienist Party of the Zenobian Onion, Stanislav Lennon Bush, to judge a person worthy of his commienism.

Suspected cause of death of Leon Troutsky, who was found inexplicably murdered with a fireaxe while shaving during his internment in the Mohican embassy.

The Trial requires the candidate, or candidates, to stand in front of a mirror and utter the words "STAS BUSH" three times in a row. According to tradition, this will summon the spirit of Comrade Stanislav to pass judgement on the aspiring commienist.

Tradition says if a candidate survives the trial, he is judged worthy of his station within the Party.

[HMS Sophia]

Spoiler

[doom3607]

Now this is just crazy. Not silly, crazy!

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

You better say that was out of character, or Von Evilstein just accused Shroominski of being insane.

[PeZook]

Huh? But it IS crazy. To this date, nobody's survived the Trial.

[doom3607]

As it happens, it was OOC. As is this.

EDIT: So are you outright killing von Evilstein, or what?

[PeZook]

No, in the grand scheme of things, von Evilstein is just a puppet. The trial is between Shroomanski and Berzhnev, for the seat of general secretary.

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

PeZook is fair, as long you give yourself a justifiable reason. For instance, having Evilstein challenge Shroominski right back, or persuading the Politburo that the man is clearly insane and that his evidence is forgeries. As long as you can find a way to do it.

[PeZook]

Again, Shroomanski challenged Bearzhnev, not Evilstein.