fajner1 wrote:So yu olso vrrk for dis guy behind offis dor?
I wish to
replace the guy behind offis dor, for he is a traitor, a louse, and a fool, as proven by his associations with the vile Thanasians and their slave labor programs. And also by his idiotic mismanagement of the rocket program, which imperils both the prestige and the military strength of the [insert equivalent of Warsaw Pact here]!
Pursuant to this, I, Syrgy Pavylyvych, Zenobian rocket scientist, have composed a draft plan for Spring 1958.
It is unlikely to be implemented unless the vile Thanasian, von Evilstein, is removed before implementing his own evil plot to sabotage the Zenobian space program in the spring of this new year. If he succeeds in doing so, I will draft a new plan for Autumn 1958, if need be, based on whatever is left of our resources after the monstrous Thanasian is done ravishing them.
PLAN PAVYLYVYCH, SPRING 1958:
THE FIVE YEAR MONTH PLAN!
Thanks to the gallant efforts of Comrade Badenov, and despite the interference of a certain accursed moose and squirrel, the Murcan rocket program has suffered grave setbacks in production.
On the one hand, this buys us time to recover from the hated Thanasian wrecker's sabotage and still achieve glorious success. On the other, it means the Murcans will redouble their efforts to improve the
quality of their rockets, since they can do nothing to improve the
quantity. Thus, in the year 1959, we can expect Murcan missile menaces to have improved immeasurably.
The October sky must resound with the beeping of our first orbiter at all costs! We cannot allow a missile gapski!
Now, let me discuss my reasoning...
The critical decisions to be made are:
1) Do we recruit cosmonauts?
2) Do we initiate new research programs, or continue research on current ones?
3) Do we schedule missions for Fall 1958?
My answers:
(1) Nyet.
Alas, we cannot recruit cosmonauts as yet. Our rockets are nowhere near ready and with the disastrous setbacks caused by Ratzi wreckers, I doubt we will be able to launch men into space before 1961 without taking unconscionable gambles with their lives. Therefore, at this time, it would be premature to begin recruitment and training of a cosmonaut corps.
I respectfully apologize to the Cosmonaut Candidate Cadets, and promise that once the noble work so many of them performed during the Great Patriotic Salvation War is finished and the accursed Thanasian is exterminated, their courage and skill will become the basis for a glorious manned space program, which shall form a grand chapter in the history of the Zenovian state and the cause of International Commienism.
The Cadets are encouraged to study and practice on their own time, in whatever ways seem best to them, but no training budget can be made available, as all resources must be devoted to creating the rockets with which to send them into the heavens!
(2) Da, but not yet. Da plus n'yet averages to "maybe."
Our top priority is to maximize the quality of the A-Series rocket. Improvements to these rockets are of great importance not only to the space program and the prestige of the Zenobian motherland, but also to the Strategic Rocket Forces. In their role as missiles, the rockets can never be relied upon in the event of war with Murca, unless they will reliably deliver their payloads without spontaneously combusting on the launch pad and spraying their surroundings with burning nuke-fragments. So long as the foul Thanasian is placed in command of the rocket program, this will take a long time to achieve.
All other research priorities are inferior to this, but may (should!) be inserted into the program as time and funds permit.
(3) Da!
Despite the uncertain reliability of the A-Series rocket thanks to the contemptible bungling of the Thanasian von Evilstein (that fucker of the devil's horse!), we must press forward. Comrade Badenov's heroic efforts in Murca have, as I said, bought us time; we must not let it go to waste. We must assemble new rockets to replace those destroyed by Thanasian treachery, and strive to improve their reliability as much as we can in the time available. Therefore, we
must schedule launches in Fall 1958, but there is no hurry, as the Murcans cannot possibly steal a march on us.
As of now, we have 50 MB in hand. My proposed plan for Spring 1958:
Purchase 2 A-Series Rockets (6 MB)
Purchase 3* Sputnik Satellites (3 MB)
Full research on A-Series Rocket (10 MB)
Full research on Sputnik Satellite (5 MB)
Schedule launch of the 2 Sputnik Satellites atop the 2 A-Series Rockets for Autumn 1958 (? MB)**
There will be no rushing of these launches- there is plenty of time to do the job properly, and no sense at all in trying to rush, as there is no need to forestall the capitalists, as they cannot possibly launch so much as a ball bearing into orbit before 1959.
Cost: 24+? MB
*The budget is tight, but Sputniks are cheap, and having a third satellite in reserve in the event of a crisis will work to our advantage.
**Does it cost to perform a mission independently of the cost of the hardware (and any astronauts involved)?
...
Now, do I also need to submit a plan in advance for Autumn 1958, aside from the scheduling of the launches? I can, but would prefer to await developments.