Mega Primus needs you - Lets Play X-COM Apocalypse!

[Edi]

Edi's log:

Waiting for mission reports and feeds from the probes after the failed attack. Had to stand in for one of the command center radar operators because the fool fell down the stairs and broke both legs and one arm. Well, it could be worse -

*beep beep*

Damn. Switching to dimension gate camera...



...

FUCK!

*slams hand down on the red alert button*

Air raid, X-COM Mega Primus Base! This is not a drill! Repeat: This is NOT a drill!

I knew those bastards were just warming up! That motherfucker must be as big as any ten previous ships combined! We're in for a goddamn hurricane now...

*calls in the next shift radar operator*

Yes, you! No, I don't give a damn about it not being your scheduled shift! Get up here! Yes, see that thing on the goddamn monitor? Would you rather sit here and keep tabs on it from afar or would you rather saddle up and get out there to shoot it down and then clear it out?

What was that? No, didn't think so either. Goddamn, I hope they've issued that new armor already...

*bolts down to gather his gear*

Fucking hell...

---

End log

[Mr. Coffee]

Captain Coffee's Log

Hey, airheads, do you frickin' job already so me and the boys can go on over and ring ET's fucking bell! Fuck, at this rate the city bus will have a stop in Alienfacefuckerville before we ever get our asses there. For fuck's sake, someone find a goddamned biplane and get my autocannon....

[SirNitram]

UNIT SIRNITRAM EMERGENCY BOOT.

FILE INTEGRITY: 100%
PHYSICAL INTEGRITY: 100%
MORAL SYNTHESIS STATUS: WARNING - Failure - WARNING

Continue Boot? Y/N.
Y

ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE.

Air Raid In Progress.

"...Get my gun..."

[Nephtys]

Today's Installment: Mr.Coffee is a Big Damn Hero.
Tuesday, April 18th, 2084
Status Update, Col. Nephtys, X-COM Intelligence.

After Action report time. Man, what a day.

At approximately 0115 hours, a massive enemy UFO appeared out of Dimension Gate Three, located near the newly rebuild Cult Headquarters. It's size is absolutely massive, and we have no idea how such a thing could even fit through the gates. Two additional craft, suspected to be escorts in function also appeared soon after, and joined this heavilly armed battleship in formation.


Every single aircraft we had was scrambled to stop the behemoth. One valiant MegaPol Hovercar attempted to intercept and was blown away by a single shot of a massive Disruptor-type weapon. The alien's flight path was towards Recyclorium 2, a structure officially owned by X-COM according to city records, and the location of a decoy base.


Sanguine Terra lead the assault, her entire cargo and troop compartment packed with the new shields. Whirlygig's new role as heavy weapons platform also made a difference, as combined ground and air fire eventually brought the monster down, but not before Sanguine Terra's quadruple redundant shield systems were destroyed, her armor nearly wrecked and barely able to fly home. The escorts were able to escape. The Alien Battleship was attempting to establish a transporter beam at the time it was brought down, so all suspected aliens were caught aboard as it crashed. No aliens were detected at the Recyclorium.

Alpha Squad drew the short stick, and those ten brave souls were tasked to assault the largest UFO ever seen on Earth.



Massive. Absolutely massive, with giant bristling guns. This monster was nearly half a kilometer in diameter, nine stories high. It crushed straight through several buildings as it crashlanded.

No entryway was visible to flyby sweeps. Alpha's fireteams split up with their flying units to try and find a way in.


White Haven found a breach from the air to air engagement, where three Skeletoids popped out. They engaged Wautd, White Haven and MrCoffee in a fierce close range aerial gunfight.


The aliens were equipped with personal shields, and shrugged off a point blank Devastator cannon hit by White Haven. Wautd however, noted that the Toxigun's low-velocity rounds seemed to pass right through the shielding, killing the aliens with the biological agents. The fireteam salvaged the alien shields for use, given our current shortage.


Other teams meanwhile, progressed through an underground section of the People Tube system that the UFO had crashed in. The entryway to the alien ship was likely on the lower deck, currently lodged in the crushed underground.



The entrance was found at last, in the remains of the Tube station junction. Three teams rushed down to this main doorway, right as the aliens released a pack of Poppers through the doors!


One popper made it through. Fortunately, two of our team members, Acidburns and Forcelord were shielded. Robo-Phred however suffered notable damage.


Meanwhile at the 6th story breach in the UFO, Wautd cautiously peeks into the alien Bridge, only to be struck by a high powered Devastator bolt from the darkness. His new shield absorbs the hit, as he scans for what fired the energy blast.


What the hell are those? Fifteen feet tall, bristling with weapons!


Wautd gives it a hearty volley of five MarSec Minilauncher rockets. The alien behemoth barely seems to notice the blasts. Worse yet, there's THREE of these monsters!


Captain Mr.Coffee takes charge, spraying down the alien position with high explosive and incindiary shells from his trusty Autocannon, while White Haven fires several devastator blasts. Still, these alien mechanoids are all but unfazed by these attacks.

---


Meanwhile, A squad of Anthropods fought a delay action near the entryway, tossing explosives and shooting at our mostly unshielded agents.


Acidburns grabs a shield from a downed anthropod, and uses the Toxi-Gun to fight the team's way slowly towards the elevator. SirNitram supports with multiple missiles down the hall.

---


Somehow, Wautd and White Haven were able to knock themselves unconscious with a faulty Stun Grenade while trying to see if the gas would have any effect on these powerful aliens. Coffee would have to fight his own way out of this burning alien spacecraft, against the trio of massive walking arsenals hereby dubbed 'Megaspawn'.


Coffee continued to fire with his autocannon, blasting away and diving for cover as the massive 'Megaspawn' aliens brought their weapon appendages to bear.


Alien energy blasts narrowly miss Coffee has he takes cover around the alien control panels.



The engagement continues as Coffee draws back, exchanging exploding shells to the alien beams.


Finally, a flash in the distance and a purple streak lash out around a corner. One of the Megaspawn lands a powerful missile directly into Coffee! The explosion is deafening and nearly colapses the floor, but Coffee remains upright, his shields overloaded and useless after the blast.


After scrambling to grab White Haven's shield generator off his unconscious back, Coffee returns to battle with frothing rage! Firing his autocannon wildly at the alien , he strikes it many times before a series of secondary explosions erupt nearby with great intensity. It appears that down below, many spitters were cooked alive by the blazing inferno, and several shielded anthropods had taken cover behind the megaspawn in the engagement. At least two of them died in the firefight, their own volitile weapons and explosives detonating with shipboard systems into a pillar of flame. One of the Megaspawn falls to his knees, the others visibly damaged.


The other Fireteams sweep the many decks of the Battleship, but Acidburns and SirNitram lead their respective squads to attack the Megaspawn from behind! Soon, three cartridges of Toxin-B are placed into the dazed Megaspawn, Toxiguns firing until the behemoths fall.


The aliens are soon located and wiped out, demoralized after their crippling losses to one man and his autocannon, and the destruction of their great weapons. And that's when we made a terrifying discovery.

The Megaspawn were down and out... but still alive.


Mission Accomplished. No losses. One wrecked UFO, but no losses.

Two of the MegaSpawn were killed before they could recover by repeated uses of Devastator Fire at close range. One has been given every single sedative we could grab in the city, and taken to a triple reinforced special alien containment cell for further study. The UFO is being disassembled in a process that may take days. It's weapons and shields have at least been extracted and brought back to base for study.

So, I think it's time for a mild celebration. The massive alien attack has been repelled. We're awarding Mr. Coffee the Platinum Star, and promoting him to Colonel for this action. I never thought I'd see the day.

Tomorrow, our Scientists say they have a plan hatched for a way to strike back at the aliens, despite their formidable defenses. We need now only hurry to finish production of the new Disruptor Armor and Explorers...
LOG TERMINATED

[RecklessPrudence]

Those animated GIFs are a lot more immersive than the old static images. Combined with the annotation and the music I have playing, it really sucked me in.

...Okay, I admit it, I was making "pew pew, whoosh, thkthkthk, thooom" sound effects whilst reading it ...

And shit, Coffee's a Colonel, now? Well, that might mean I see him less around the base (I'm still alive, right?) what with the layers of officers to buffer me from his... unique level of enthusiasm.

[PeZook]

HAIL, PUNY MEAT-UNITS!

UNIT PEZOOK requests permission to engage presently in WORTHLESS BIOLOGICAL XENO LIFEFORM eradication control operations!

[wautd]

Sweet, sweet kerplosions.

Hail Coffee!

[phred]

Ouchie... They just keep escalating

[White Haven]

Oh come ON, a STUN grenade? *grumbles*

[Peptuck]

Holy shit, Mr. Coffee was awesome. I mean, he survived fighting three Megaspawn by himself with just an autocannon for multiple turns? That deserves a bottle from the stash.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem's log:
Colonel Coffee is my new god. What he did on the battlefield today. I wasn't there and had to watch the after action reports on the news, but wow, I have to be like that guy.

In the meantime, seeing as how my performance at learning how to shoot anything has led to holes in the ceiling of the shooting range; I've been assigned to Cleaning Detail. Which is all right with me, my primary assignment is getting these burn and acid marks off of the heroes armor.

Now where did I put that baking soda?

End of log.

[Mr. Coffee]

Colonel Coffee's Log

Well, well, well... Everyone kept going on about disruptor this and toxigun that, but what was it that sent those fuck Megacucklefucks running like little alien bitches with skinned knees? One motivated agent and his autocannon. Behold the might of Betsy and fear her multi-barrel wrath, fucksticks! Now, someone find me a way into Alienfacefuckerville so I can take Betsy on over ring their fuckin' bells!

Also, remind me to not let White Haven and Wautd they ain't allowed to have stun grenades no more. Thank fuck it wasn't a frag, *I'm a smarmy asshole*.

Someone bring me a beer... Having to drag around balls of depleted uranium is thirsty work.

[Grif]

Wow, just wow. Surviving three Megaspawn certainly is no mean feat. WITH AN AUTOCANNON NO LESS.

Coffee is my new god.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem's log:

Apparently, baking soda and power armor don't mix. Especially on a live circuit. On the plus side, I discovered how to work the fire extinguisher. And hopefully with a couple of hours of polish, the suit will be as good as new.

Wait, what button did I just press?

End of log.

[Force Lord]

Forcelord's log:

The shields worked like a charm. But that's to be expected.

But...HOLY SHIT COFFEE! THAT WAS FUCKING EXTREME!

[Mr. Coffee]

Yeah, maybe those alien purveyors of face-fucking poultry will think twice before sending another tour bus full of 15ft mutant gimps with disruptor cannons for arms into my motherfucking town. If anyone is going to "accidentally" destroy an old folks home or crash anvanced aerospace vehicles into orphanages it's gonna goddamned well be us that does it.

Question for one of the science types. Any way we could genetically engineer a form of monkey that grabs aliens by their ears and fucks their nose holes? I mean, pay back's a bitch, yo...

[The Yosemite Bear]

1. ask R&D if we can research some shotgun/autocannon hybrid for "Good old Boys"

[fnord]

Like a gatling shotgun, YB?

[Mr. Coffee]

We must master this gatling shotgun technology before the face fucking chicken ranchers next dimension over master it first...

[The Yosemite Bear]

more like the fallout jackhammer assult shotgun, with optional HE, solid, buck, or WP shells....

[Nephtys]

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2048
Status Update, Col. Nephtys, X-COM Intelligence

Today, we began the counter-attack. Omega Team was reinforced with new members, each soldier fully refitted with our latest equipment. They were to be sent into the Alien Dimension. Covenant has been promoted to Captain, and tasked to lead this mission.


Tasoth here shows much of our new kit. Toxiguns, redundant shielding, Our new X-COM Brand Disruptor Armor along with a MarSec Flight unit. Other troopers are carrying alien explosives and Devastator Cannons as well.

Additionally, we've picked up Faxmodem1 for Alpha Squad, Peptuck and UndeadUnicorn for Omega Squad. Eulogy, Teleros, Satori, Grif, PeZook are now forming a reserve of troops to garrison the base and reinforce our tactical squads as needed.


The target: This first structure, which our scientists say is some sort of medical facility to rejuvinate aliens after they return from an incursion into our dimension. Based on the scans of our Dimension Probe, we believe this is the weak point in their defenses. We can blast our way into an underground cavern.


These are the sleeping chambers in which the aliens recover from the hostile environment of Earth. The scientists say if enough of these are destroyed, the organic alien structure will enter an immune response mode. We can then access the lowest levels of the structure and detonate a nuke to destroy the faculty.


The alien sleeping pods are surprisingly heavilly armored. Fortunately, we're going to turn the aliens weapons against them. This is the 'Vortex Mine', a high-powered demolition weapon that actually utilizes a minute amount of antimatter. It is the most potent man-portable tactical explosive we have.


At 1500 Hours, Bio-Trans 'People Tube', escorted by Explorers 'The Peacebringer', 'The Warmonger' as well as our commandeered UFO 'The Whirlygig' took off for Dimension Gate 3, preparing for an armed transit. Each ship has been fully armed and equipped with redundant shields.


Our ships were transitting successfully. Command lost contact naturally. We had to wait until the next day for a return in order to download the recordings of what actually happened. Starting the recording now. I will note significant events.


Immediately upon arrival, two Type-7 Alien Bombers hammered our ships. It's an ambush! People Tube was able to disengage as our captured UFO covered it's escape. Whirlygig took several dimension MIRV missile hits, nearly crushing it's substantial shielding in a single volley. Surprised by the point blank assault, our counter-fire was utterly feeble.


The Peacebringer and The Warmonger arrived as well, to find the two alien UFOs at close range on their tails. They also took several hits, with The Warmonger's shields failing under heavy bombardment. The Explorer-class ships were unable to engage the aliens at long range, where their dual plasma cannons and disruptor banks would be most effective.


Covering the two Explorer-class ships, the Whirlygig, outmatched and outgunned, held off the Alien Bombers with her own ordinance. However, outgunned more than two-to-one by the superior alien warships, she absorbed hit after hit, blasting through her defenses.

With Whirlygig's shields fried, hull damaged and jury-rigged alien control systems failing, Pilot Zixinus and the crew of the ship made their decision. The Whirlygig's last act was to ram and destroy one of the Alien Bombers, destroying both vessels in a great explosion. Zixinus, Mutant Headcrab, CplKendall and Vendetta are presumed KIA. They've all been posthumously awarded the Platinum Star for this selfless act, which saved The Warmonger from destruction and bought time for the rest of the assault team to land safely.

---


Omega Team's 12 Soldiers are the first Earthlings to ever set foot on an Alien Homeworld. The structure seemed to be an overgrown organic structure, built into a cavern. Before them was a strange garden of sorts, with podded green xenoflora of unknown purpose scattered everywhere. The squad spread out in fireteams of three, moving rapidly and anticipating a heavy alien presence.


Dave, Narkis and Netko discover an unknown alien structure. It looked almost like the entryway to some kind of transport system. Wary with no sign of alien resistance, they proceeded further into the base.


Steel, Gramzamber and Robo-Phred discovered the first sleeping pod, entirely unguarded.


They set a Vortex Mine and let the powerful blast consume the alien structure. As the pod came crashing down, it's elements exploded as well in a series of loud secondary blasts. The Aliens had to know we were here now.


For good measure and to discourage pursuit, Omega set the alien garden on fire. Just in case.


While traversing through the smoke of the destroyed sleep pods, a Skeletoid scout comes across Steel's fireteam.


A squad of Skeletoids emerged from the orange transport structure, revealing their purpose as rapid-deployment tubes. Gramzamber's powerful disruptor fire and Phred's Toxigun bursts cut down two of their number quickly.


Steel advances under cover of his comrades, autocannon ready. He however, runs into a nest of ravenous Hyperworms! These creatures previously have been observed as being able to chew through armor plate. His shields hold off their violent lashings, but for how long?



Steel sprays a burst of incindiary autocannon shells at nearby spitters, then down at his own feet to roast the Hyperworm swarm alive.


Meanwhile, Narkis demolishes an alien Sleeping tube, with minimal alien resistance on the left flank.


Covenant, Tasoth and Ford Prefect's squad spot a large cluster of heavilly-armed Anthropods gathering in preparation to counter-attack against our forces. Ford Prefect is spotted by one of the, and absorbs a direct hit to his shields.


Having no Vortex Mine, Ford Prefect Junior throws an alien Boomeroid proximity bomb at the gathering. It detonates quickly, leaving most of the shielded aliens alive but wounded. It however, colapses part of the cave wall, crushing a sleeping pod chamber in a hide


The surviving Anthropods flee from Ford's onslaught, as Tasoth and Covenant close in on the flanks. Several seemed to be screaming in alien terror.


Tasoth and Covenant chase down the routed aliens without mercy. What survivors are soon handled by Tasoth's own Vortex Mine. Strange green gas eminated from the ruptured alien plantlife nearby. Each anthropod in the north-east sector were killed horribly, even as they tried in panic to surrender.


Ford blasted a few more of the strange alien puddles before they could attempt more psionic attacks on our forces. What is with these creatures? Our scientists are still puzzled at their nature.


Steel's team covered the demolition squad of Consqeuences, Peptuck and UndeadUnicorn. His high-explosive and incindiary shells suppressed the aliens until Peptuck was able to toss a Vortex bomb over and kill the aliens as they boiled out of the corridors.


Robo-Phred shows off his penchant for destruction as he disables the last of the sleep pods. The building was now disabled, and our team now had access to the foundation of the building.


We armed the nuke at the vulnerable foundation of the alien building. Our team retreated back to their ships quickly and took off, leaving the aliens a hell of a present. The ground beneath the crippled alien building gave way as the bomb went off, collapsing the entire structure. Take that, you alien bastards.


Fleeing under cover of both damaged Explorers, 'People Tube' managed to reach the dimension gate without taking much fire. The Peacebringer suffered severe damage, and The Warmonger was barely able to make it home. Clearly, the Explorer Class is inadequate for our operations. An even heavier Warship must be designed to take the fight to the enemy. The loss of Whirlygig's crew shows that we still have a way to go when attacking the aliens on their own turf.

Well. So it's a mixed celebration back here. We've hit the Aliens where it hurts for the first time, taking the fight to their own turf. However, we've also lost three of our finest soldiers and a veteran pilot in a desperate kamikaze attack due to the alien ambush at the gates. We're going to give them proper services shortly. But you know, based on my luck, the aliens always seem to attack while I'm writing these damned lo---

(*BZZT* Ma'am, Command Center here. We've picked up Dimension Gate Activity...)
See? Like Clockwork.


What the hell is that? It's even BIGGER than the Alien Battleship? No matter, I'm confident we can handle it with all of the firepower we now ha---


---fuck.

LOG TERMINATED

[PeZook]

THE PATHETIC XENOFORMS ARE OBVIOUSLY ATTEMPTING A DESPERATE LAST-DITCH ASSAULT BEFORE THEIR PUNY MEAT-BODIES SUCCUMB TO CRIPPLING DESIGN FLAWS.

HAVE NO MERCY.

[Teleros]

+ Begin Log: 17:30:22, Tuesday, May 2nd, 2048 +

Well, how's that for a first day: I managed to get to the base just in time to see our lads head off to give those aliens a good seeing to on their home ground, so wished them the best of luck. Spent a few hours being given an introduction to the facilities here, but the highlight (well, apart from the damn good tea they have in here) must certainly have been learning that those remarkable exploits by Mr. Coffee on the news were all real. Now that's the kind of derring do we'll need to stop these aliens. As a new recruit I've been assigned to the base for additional training and the like, but there's always a chance some of those collaborators will attack.

Must go, sounds like something jolly exciting is about to happen.

+ End Log +

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem's log:

Well, turns out that button I pushed was the missile launcher. Luckily it only hit the mess hall's wall, and now everyone has a lovely view of the city as we eat.
In a totally unrelated matter, and in no way connected to the fact that I could have killed everyone; I've been assigned to Alpha Squad. Hopefully with the mission Omega Squad is going on, they won't really need me that much. Then again, if I could do something as awesome as Colonel Coffee...

***noises of clattering pots and pans***
Whoops. DON'T WORRY. I'LL CLEAN THAT!

I've also been assigned to KP duty during my off-duty hours. Apparently the cooks weren't happy about my conduct. Oh well, this is better than prison.

(intercom)"Dimension Gate Detected. Incoming"

I need to learn to shut my mouth.
End of log

[Edi]

Edi's log:

I've been bored out of my skull lately. They've sidelined me from most of the bigger missions for some reason and there's only so much time I can spend on the target range or reading or doing whatever before it all starts to seem stale. So I've been passing time in the command center, because the occasional stint doing something else at least breaks the monotony.

Well, shift's over, so time to go get a bite to eat and admire the view FaxModem1 managed to renovate into the wall.

*dimension gate alarm goes off*

Hmm, I take it the aliens are looking for some payback for Omega's raid. Let's see...

*looks at screen*

You have GOT to be kidding me! Fuck, we're in for it now...

*end log*