Game Review -> English dictionary

[Uraniun235]

"Every choice you make matters" = halfway along the game a choice you make alters the cut scenes you see later

aerisu my eternal kawaii beloved



nooooooooooooooooooo

[Stark]

Wide range of unique NPCs = a black guy, a crazy guy, and a chick with giant titties. Guaranteed to have no plot relevance.

this is the cast for deadspace amusnigly

geomod = in the first level you can blow holes in walls but magically not doors, then you can't blow holes in anything

never play same way twice = must play twice to see all game content; alternatly, game has no plot
finely balanced difficulty = 'i didn't have trouble so if you do, you suck. as a game reviewer i am representative of the game-playing public. OMG NOOB.'

[VF5SS]

"platformer" = wants to be mario so bad it fucking hurts like a punch to the throat

"fps" = this is Half-life w/ bullet time

[Flash]

'...with a mysterious past' = is a vampire. If no supernatural theme, reformed hitman. Possibly both.

Dynamic content = game not finished, will patch it in later

[Stark]

'chilling twist' = intro has nothing to do with plot
'mindfuck ending' = ending is only signposted from the halfway mark as opposed to the intro
'relevance' = game is about environmentalism
'reverses tropes' = does not understand tropes


types of story

'epic' = boring and bright
'chilling' = boring and dark
'heartwarming' = boring, but with tits/dogs
'revolutionary' = epic
'science fiction' = chilling

[Uraniun235]

"star trek" = abysmally awful shit

[Stark]

'user-created content' = game is a soulless skeleton players are expected to fix; content is also unbalanced
'romantic subplot' = protaganist whines all the time and thus the titty chick loves him

[Vendetta]

'genre breaking' = combines all flaws of genre

I thought "Genre Breaking" meant "Combines all the flaws of one genre with some of the flaws of another, usually unrelated genre".

[Stark]

okay doods i'm going to either a) get this moved or b) move everything into the first post

we can give something back to the internet community


we can send a message to gamespot that says SDN IS ON TO YOU

[Stark]

I thought "Genre Breaking" meant "Combines all the flaws of one genre with some of the flaws of another, usually unrelated genre".

i thought that was 'genre reversal' or 'twist on genre'?

[Stark]

for hawks

'technical achievement' = 50% more nose hairs, five more normal maps, 50 square kilometers more of soulless procedural terrain devoid of interest, zero game relevance

[Zablorg]

no we need to send it to IGN

Gamespot is on the list but there are priorities right

[Losonti Tokash]

music games:

"mountains of dlc"=less than 10% of the songs available from competitor
"when their instruments break, you can just use ours"=massive hardware failure rates that make the 360 look reliable
"innovative interface"=palette-swapped features created by the competition last year with a giant burger king logo taking up the play area

how'd i do

[Vendetta]

Also:

'innovative' - the same as something that I liked.
'stale' - the same as something I didn't like.

[VF5SS]

no we need to send it to IGN

"IGN" = THOSE FUCKERS HATE GOD HAND

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage

[Stark]

'dry' = too much dialogue/text i don't like
'enthralling' = lots of dialogue/text i like

'confusing' = not enough hand-holding
'rigid' = too much hand-holding

'uninteresting single player' = probably a party game that nobody will ever play single player
'dlc available from launch' = gamer pic available from launch

[Flash]

'From Peter Molyneux' = Pretentious story, ambitious design, will have 90% of features cut before release.

'From Will Wright' = no story, ambitious design, will have 90% of features cut before release.

[Stark]

'from sid meier' = is either civ1 or pirates with graphics from four years ago
'from tom clancy' = is low-rent swat4
'from david braben' = is broken, or will never be released
'from derek smart' = is a terrible muddled mess that you don't like BECAUSE HE'S BETTER THAN YOU

[General Zod]

"from 3d realms" = it's never coming out, even if we say it will be someday

[Stark]

'instant classic' = totally generic
'blockbuster' = isn't out yet
'winner of awards' = big in europe
'game of the year' = should be budget but is still full price

'based on source engine' = is a mod for hl2 that costs full price

[Pablo Sanchez]

Hey, why not keep this around.

[Zablorg]

Stark, does the context matter depending on who says it?

Like the developers or producers or Gamespot or fap forumers?

[Stark]

Oh yeah, that's totally the Starcraft thee-way division; devs, reviewers and fans. Reviewers and fans are pretty much the same, though, and reviewers just repeat the marketing buzzwords straight from the devs. I think it'd be better to break it up by point in lifespan - because early in dev the statements are absurd, then it comes out and gets a rimjob from reviewers, then fans defend it for years.

[Dark Hellion]

RTS:

Unique economy = two resources
Control Vast Armies = 25 dudes
Fight on Multiple Terrain types = You have boats and planes (like warcraft 2!)
Resource Management = you have infinite resources that recharge at an absurdly slow rate thus ensuring you can't build vast armies
Immersive Tactical command = hitting x makes your dudes scatter

FPS:

Sniping = You can shoot people further than 50m away
Close Quarters combat = The pistol is the best gun
Hard-hitting physical combat = a punch does more damage than an AT rocket

[Zablorg]

Actually I've found that the devs kind of talk about the game while it's in development in a casual way depending on what they want to do with it and interviews feed it to previewers and they interpret them into buzzwords.

So like in Left 4 Dead or something the interviewees might say "Yeah, we're trying to get the zombies to spawn in different locations in an effort to keep it from getting bland", and then Gamespot or something will translate this as "NEVER PLAY THE SAME WAY TWICE". But you do play it the same way each time you play it; you just don't know where the zombies are. I suspect this phenomenon becomes more obvious the more layers of description it has to go down until it reaches the public, so "The game rations your health and the number of zombies depending on how you're going" would become adaptive AI or something.