ZOND 1
OCTOBER 25/NOVEMBER 7, 1971
The capsule which was to be the home of two comrade cosmonauts for the next eight days was loaded to the limit. Designers worked day and night to accomodate the necessary supplies and equipment the scientifician technproletarians wanted to bring, while leaving enough elbow room for the cosmonauts not to go cranky and crampy and possibly homicidal upon their return.
Still, none of it mattered, for the capsule's occupants were used to such conditions. They were selected with utmost care and then trained and trained and beaten with sticks to toughen them up. Though to be honest, that last excercise was stricken from procedure after cosmonaut cadet Karelin seized the beating-stick and then threw the NKVDVDROM trainer through a concrete wall. He never became a cosmonaut - too much risk of capsule depressurization in flight - but the excercise was deemed too dangerous.
Either way, the day was here. Pyotr Klimuk and Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz were strapped in some time ago. They were as ready as they were going to be.
And inside the launch control bunker, tempers were short and nerves were strung tight. Already, an additional ventillation shaft had to be drilled in the bunker's thick roof, as otherwise the risks of death due to smoke inhalation would be unacceptable.
"I am uneasy about the pomp surrounding this flight, to be honest", Vasily Mishingun was starting one cigarette with another, and had been doing so for two hours now, "It smacks too much of Murcan hurrahoptimism."
"Da, I too would prefer a more reasoned approach to the flight, but you can't blame the Politburo for being excited", U.Z. Engineerski commented, "After all, we are doing a historic thing. Generations of patriotic technosocialist fiction writers, poets and thinkers dreamt of this singular moment."
Syrgy would have commented, but the comissar gave the sign.
"To your stations, comrades.", Syrgy commanded and took a piece of paper from the comissar. He then picked up a set of headphones and started reading.
"Comrades of the Baikonurek cosmodrome! It is fitting that on this day, the 54th anniversary of the great October revolution, we endeavor to bring the commienist spirit into the stars. Today, comrade cosmonauts of the Zond 1 mission shall push the boundaries and redefine the realms of possibilities. The eyes of the world are upon us. The thoughts of an entire nation and the well-wishes of its people shall follow the spaceship into the heavens. We have faith in your skill and spirit. Da. There can be no outcome but success.
Or else!"
Syrgy cleared his throat, "This letter was sent to us by the premier himself. I trust you will all devote yourselves fully to accomplishing this mission."
The Chief Designer's steely gaze swept across the room, stopping briefly as every station. Engineerskis toughened up, preparing for challenges of the coming days. The silence lasted for several long moments, before Syrgy finally removed the launch key from a chain around his neck and slid it into his console.
"We have ignition, comrades! Maximum thrust...umbilicals detaching...the rocket is clear of the launch pad!"
"Crew of Zond 1...", comrade Klimuk's voice was shaky and barely audible over the engine roar, "...wishes everyone at home good luck!"
"We copy that, Zond 1. Go with Lennon!"
The Proton launcher roared upwards, riding a massive collumn of flame.
"Hey, Pyotr...", Klimuk's copilot turned his microphone off, "...we forgot to pee on the bus."
"
Pizdets! Damn. Well, it's no use worrying about that now. I'm sure we can get away with not doing it this one time."
"Come again, Zond 1? We didn't quite catch that last transmission..."
The cosmonauts cursed under their breaths and switched their radios back to active transmit setting, rather than passive microphone.
Suddenly there was a jolt, and the roar of second stage engines was replaced by gentler vibrations of the Proton's final stage.
The launch vehicle shut down safely after merely twelve minutes of flight. The Zond 1 crew carried out their proscribed checkouts dilligently, and found no problems.
After barely an hour of spaceflight, the moment finally came. Mission control gave the spacecraft permission to ignite the Comrade Module's mighty engine, which easily hurled Zond 1 out of low Earth orbit...and towards the Moon!
Flight Day 4
Reel-to-reel tape recorders rolled quietly in the side room, recording every word spoken by the cosmonauts for posterity. In a mission full of historical moments, yet another was coming up, and it would be meticulously recorded. Photographers snapped photos of the mission control room, every word and gesture and decision would be recorded and filed and archived so that the world could marvel at the genius of the proud Zenobian Onion.
"We are both feeling just fine. The trip did not bother us at all. Our physical and mental condition is excellent. According to our dosimeters, we have received very modest radiation doses, far below the mission limit.", comrade cosmonaut Brzęczyszczykiewicz was giving his daily report on crew and payload biomedicals, "The insects are also active and do not seem to mind the trip at all. We have had some minor problems with urine removal systems, but that has since been fixed with duct tape."
"We are receiving you Zond 1. We wish you good luck on your flight around the far side. Hurl a shoe at the Moon for comrade premier!"
"We will see about that, mission control.", the signal was beginning to break up, "Looking forward...to..."
"This is it, comrade Chief Designer. They are out of communications for now."
Syrgy nodded, "Start the clock, please."
The control bunker had several clocks, all of which had a precisely defined purpose. The most important one of all was, of course, the mission elapsed time clock, which was also the biggest and most pronounced. However, there were several others: most of them counted down the time to several important events, such as the next maneuver, next scheduled transmission...right now, one of them began counting down the time to reacquisition of signal from the capsule.
Everybody present froze, and stared at the slowly descending numbers. There was silence at the control bunker, despite the fact no engine burn was actually needed.
And then, suddenly, it was over, and the first transmission came through. It shocked everyone even more, for it was not just strange, but also ideologically unsound.
It went "Boshe moi..."
![Image](http://www.nasa.gov/images/content/54427main_MM_image_feature_102_jw4.jpg)