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FaxModem1 wrote:Did the dog just do paperwork?

Yes - presumably because U.M. Engineer said that any astronauts dissatisfied with their crew assignments could take it up with him, more in the expectation that they would be WARKed at until they ran away in terror, but the dog doing the paperwork and also being drunk works too.

He has a nose for the details.

Hmm...

15 MB in the unallocated budget, we can spend the 10 to repair the Proton and 4 should hopefully cover finishing Kicker-B... I'd hoped to have that money available for more Lapot flights next year, but them's the breaks.

We could skip the Proton repair; the overall reliability would be ~91%, and I think we usually consider that man-rated for a rocket. Still worries me though.

If we can put together some crews for Lapot, especially if we pull Savinkyh and Strekalov from training, I'd want to schedule a Duration-D for Spring 1972 if possible; that way we don't have to try and fly a mission important to the success of a follow-on the same season.

Other than that I think our future plans are mostly decided.

Thank you Comrade Engineerski, but I will have a plan up tonight, I expect.

My plan was to finish Kicker-B and do one team of N1 research with the 15 MB. This event forces me to scrub that N1 research, I think; I'll need to look it over.

I am... disinclined to fly another manned Lapot flight immediately. The suborbital flight is being done for prestige and because the risk of a suborbital flight is much lower than for an orbital flight. My intent is to do a series of unmanned tests to increase reliability, as (88+4)% is really a little marginal for an orbital flight, especially one where the prestige payoff of success is low and the cost of a disaster is high. The Duration D/EVA flight I'd be planning is only worth two points, after all.

The Duration D milestone is unnecessary until we're ready to do lunar orbitals, and we're just not quite there yet, so I think we have some time to work with.

Oh, PeZook? One thing I want to make clear, though I'm still writing the season's plan:

The Voskhod docking test is to be a boosted A-Series launch, like all the other ones I've flown since game start. I'm only using a Proton for the lunar pass.

Right. I forgot you can do that as russia

[removed pending edit]

Plan Pavylyvych Fall 1971

Comrades! All our labors have come to their peak in these past months, as we make ready to do that which no man has gone before, an exemplary case of Zenobian progress which will be marked in the annals of human history for all eternity. The wishes, not only of every Zenobian, but of every human being must go with Comrades Klimuk and Brzeczyszczykiewicz as they make ready for their voyage to the dark side of the moon! Even then, their record-settings will not yet be completed, as they demonstrate the Zond capsule's skip reentry capability, a new innovation designed to allow more time for a gentler reentry into the Earth's atmosphere from a high-velocity lunar return trajectory.

We do well to reflect that our work at Baikonurk proves international commienism's devotion to transcending the limits of nationality and boundaries, as Intercosmos cosmonauts such as Pollackistani comrade, Grzegorz Brzeczyszczykiewicz and our newly recruited Kerbalistani comrade Jebediah Kerman prove to all and sundry. So does the Zenobian Onion show its commitment to international spacepeace, unlike the warmongering Murcan degenerates and their fantasies of orbitbombing.

Closer to home, the Murcans will soon find their strutting and chest-beating about advances in their aerospace capabilities to be ill-timed. For the ZiG-105 spaceplane, so affectionately dubbed "Lapot" by men of all ranks, from the Comrade General Secretary himself on down, is now ready for its first manned flight test! Captain Karzanovski and his stalwart crew will be demonstrating the craft's nigh-immunity to the fires of reentry, and its ability to maneuver in the upper atmosphere at hypersonic speeds, on par with any Murcan aerospacecraft.

---

Budget: 82 megarubleoids

Mission Hardware Selection:

Zond Unmanned Orbital Docking Test on Pad A
Voskhod/Docking Module/Boosted A-Series

Zond Lunar Pass on Pad B
Voskhod/Kicker-B/Boosted Proton

Lapot Suborbital Test Flight on Pad C
Lapot/Boosted A-Series

Hardware Purchase
6 MB: Buy 2 A-Series Rockets
12 MB: Buy 3 Booster Stages
12 MB: Buy 2 Voskhod capsules
2 MB: Buy 1 Docking Module

Total cost: 32 MB
Remaining budget: 50 MB

Research and Development

5 teams' research on Lapot: 35 MB
2 teams' research on Comrade Module-bis: 4 MB

Debug Proton Rocket Gyro: 9.9 MB
Commissarial Ammunition Replenishment after Disciplinary Actions over Proton Rocket Gyro: 0.1 MB

Total: 49 MB
Remaining budget: 1 MB

Schedule Missions
Schedule unmanned suborbital Lapot flight on Pad A.
Schedule unmanned suborbital Lapot flight on Pad B.

Mission Go/No-Go Status:
We are GO for unmanned orbital docking on Pad A.
We are GO for lunar pass on pad B.
We are GO for manned suborbital Lapot flight on pad C.

OOC: Okay, after consulting with E_F, Unnamed MASA Engineer is officially being made Acting Permanent Underdirector of MASA, since Chaser's been unavailable lately; so I'll sort of swap sides until if/when anyone else wants to take over. Feel free to use my Zenobian characters as NPCs for the time being.

MASA plans and story posts to follow.

All otherwise unnamed Zenobian engineerskis will be assumed to be you, comrade. Even if this involves putting more than one of you in the same place at the same time.

Name-paperwork mixups can be truly headache-inducing, da?

Clearly the New Zenobian Mang isn't limited by the silly edicts of space-time requring them to only exist at one place at one time.

Either that, or the New Zenobian Mang now comes in a mass-production version, churned out in a factory in Stasograd. Soon we will be up to our ears in New Zenobian Meng, for such are the productive feats of the glourious leadership of the venerable Comrade General Secretary Shroomanski!

Money.

The sinews of war are infinite money.

Unnamed MASA Engineer had gotten a fancier office and his name and title stenciled on the door, after the Senate had confirmed his appointment as Acting Permanent Underdirector of the Murcan Aeronautics and Space Agency.

It did not, however, contain the enormous sacks of cash that he had told the Senate Committee on Aeronautical and Space Sciences that MASA would need to get to the Moon soon. They actually hadn't really liked that point at all.

They had, however, listened to another proposal of his with somewhat more interest...

The Hill
Washingtoff, August 2nd, 1971

"Gentlemen, we can sell the Moon."

The Senators were stunned into silence for a few moments (with a bit of a glare from Margaret Smith, the only woman on the committee), then burst into an confused babble amongst themselves and at U.M. Engineer. Finally, the Chairman of the Committee, Clinton Anderson, broke through the noise and asked a pointed question: "Dr. Engineer, would you care to explain what that means?"

"It's simple. We sell tracts of land on the Moon to private investors. There are enough rich idiots in this and other countries to bring in the funds that we desperately need to keep the Agency going. And it doesn't have to stop at the Moon - we can sell bits of other planetary bodies, bits of empty space, even, such as LaGrange points. Stars, even; give them the right to name the ones we 'sell'. The international science community won't care for it, but since when has Murca cared about the opinions of limp-dicked Stenchian science majors? This is our science - or at least it can be. And we can continue the grand Murcan tradition of rugged individualism, and make sure that Murcan freedom comes early to outer space."

This raised an uproar in the room. When it had died down again, Barry (as he was called on The Hill) Foolsgoldwater, spoke first, saying, "But, Dr. Engineer, how much money can this... cockamamie plan stand to bring in? Surely you don't expect that many to buy into it, can you?"

"The study, sir, is still underway, and we don't have an estimate yet. But every little bit couldn't hurt, especially if it allows the government to reduce expenditures on space exploration - which I do caution against. There are other cost savings measures to be considered, as well. I believe at least a good portion of the administration work of the Agency could be privatized - outsourced, if you will. Private concerns might be able to do our staff work at lower costs, freeing up more money for building rockets..."

Office of the Acting Permanent Underdirector
Teddy Space Center, August 3rd, 1971

Dr. Engineer sighed and resisted the urge to just swig from the whiskey bottle; he'd just sent away the disappointed rep from Grummang after telling him that they still had no plans to award the contract to design the lunar lander, though they were still the top contender for the job. The rep coming from Martin Marietta in fifteen minutes would be somewhat happier; they would be getting immediately an order for another Titan IIIC in the next few months and that they should expect two more orders the next year.

Other contracts were being drawn up for the construction of the Saturn V scheduled to start next year; Boeing for the first stage, North Murcan Aviation for the second, Douglas Aircraft for the third, while the solid rocket boosters would be built by Republic Aerospace Engineering; Boeing had already built the Hermes spaceplanes that would ride on top, inside a payload fairing to be built by McDonnell. Grummang would probably get the contract for the lander, when all was said and done. It was a marvelous display of private enterprise working together to defeat the specter of International Commienism. Engineer leaned back in his chair. Truly marvelous indeed... just like the kickbacks he had quietly gotten. That was certainly capitalism at its finest, rewarding the producers as they shook off the parasites. At least that was what his young aide, Lee Atwater, had told him, or something like that. Atwater was still pushing him to fire half the staff, regardless of how the "parasites" clung to their "jobs" and their "families" and "food on the table" or something like that. Engineer still didn't understand the idea - weren't people supposed to have jobs? And the "parasites" were on welfare, like the ones that Joanson had supported to the detriment of the Agency? He wasn't sure that he liked what Atwater was pushing, but he was a good worker, if aggressive.

With the future in mind, Engineer set about working on the operations plan...

---

Unnamed MASA Engineer's MASA Plan, Fall 1971

Budget: 51 MB

Hardware Purchases:

1x Titan (12 MB)
1x Booster (4 MB)

Remaining Budget: 35 MB

Research and Development:

None this season.

Remaining Budget: 35 MB

Then Dr. U.M. Engineer had a flash of pure balls.

Narrow Island
Grummang Iron Works

The phone rang.

"Tom Kelly. Hi, Joe. We've been... I see. Uh huh. Okay. Thanks, Joe. Bye."

Kelly walked out into the Engineering Bullpen; the room fell into silence as everyone looked up immediately at the Program Manager. "I'm afraid you're going to have to give your wives and children some bad news, gentlemen."

That cast an immense gloom on the room. "You won't be seeing much of them the next few years, because we got the contract!"

And then the room exploded in cheers.

Additional Hardware Purchase:

Eagle lander (30 MB)

Remaining Budget: 5 MB

Additional R&D:

2x team on Eagle (4 MB)

Remaining Budget: 1 MB

Astronaut Management:

None at this time.

Mission Scheduling

Pad B: Manned Orbital Docking (Orbit) EVA Duration-D, Crew III/I

Mission Go/No-Go Status

ALL MISSIONS ARE GO (yes, I know there's just one)

I'm taking a bit of a gamble on having enough money for more docking flights next year, but I would really love to have a LM ready for flight tests before the Zenobians. And after all, being docking-ready won't be any use until the LM is ready anyway...

Considering this is the same universe where the Baris Tower has a giant Mickey D's sign on it, this plan of selling the moon is ingenious.

Nooo, it's just as the Commissar warned all those years ago, the Muricans are going to turn the moon into a giant advertising sign! Giant Ads pressing down on the face of humanity forever!

Director von Braun pulled his nose out of the whiskey bottle long enough to look over the plan thant Underdurector Engineer had just shown him.

"Yup, approved."

The new guy turned to leave, buit not beore von Braun had a flash of inspiration.

"Hey, mate. You're planning on selling parts of the Moon? Surely we as senior MASA employees get first dibs on parts right?"

U.M. Engineer nodded, having not thought through the idea completely.

"Perfect. Well I call shotgun on the Sea of Tranquility. Henceforth it will be known as the Republic of Fuckyeah."

BALLS!, or balls-up?

Does U. M. Engineer bear any (possibly striking) resemblance to U. Z. Engineerski, despite so totally not being a relative?

It was a heavenly sight, the thick, solid, stamped-steel liquid fuel boosters gently cradling the hard shaft of the A-Series rocket. Engineerskis watched it wistfully, hoping their thoughts would not be picked up by the ever-vigilant NKVDVDROM. Some probably also wished for the mission to succeed, but the angle of the ground camera made it almost impossible not to stare.



Fortunately, someone had the presence of mind to switch to another camera on ignition, thus preventing degeracy from corrupting the minds of the New Zenobian Mangs controlling the flight. They returned to their duties with newly found energies, monitoring the beloved and much-abused Semyorka as it climbed into the heavens.

Its turbopumps and fuel lines and ignition chambers performed beautifully, as they did so many times before. Before long, the unmanned Zond voskhod-derivative capsule separated - quite cleanly - and sailed towards its target.

"Comrade Chief Designed!", Vasily Mishingun was besides himself with joy upon reading the telemetry data, "It looks like we'll be able to accomplish a first-orbit rendezvous! And with an unmanned spacecraft to boot!"

"That is ineed fortunate, Vasilyj, though we shouldn't skin the bear before it is dead, hmm?", Syrgy Pavylyvych was his usual reserved self, "How long until the capsule acquires the docking target?"

Mishingun consulted his newfangled electronic pocket watch, which he could buy in East Thanasia thanks to all the myriad perks that working at the cosmodrome brought. Of course he didn't have to use a watch, since the mission clock was right there, but he couldn't stop bragging about the thing, "Fifteen minutes, comrade Chief Designer."

"Excellent. Let's use up some power to run a diagnostic of the docking radar."

"Da!"

High above the Earth, the capsule activated its docking radar early, pinging empty space. Engineerskis mulled over printouts of the results before giving their thumbs-up. Everything worked fine.



Indeed it did. Syrgy allowed himself a smile. Murcan automation was years behind the great products of commienist thought, da!

Hail to Heroes Of The Zenobian Onion!

Seen on the photograph above is the brave crew of Zond 1, the mission which will carry two humans on a flight around the Moon. As the nation - and, indeed, the world! - prepares for this historic moment, in which the spirit of the Zenobian proletariat comes together with technical thought unrivaled across the globe, the comrade cosmonauts engage in exhausting physical and mental preparations.

The crew of Baikonurek has every reason to trust these two men with the greatest endeavor ever attempted by man - as indeed, for comrades Klimuk and Brzęczyszczykiewicz (a citizen of Pollackistan, selected for training via the Interkosmos program) this is not their first space mission.

They already have copious and glourious histories in space, having spent six days together in orbit aboard their Voskhod capsule - a flight most succesful and full of historical records that most certainly and in terms most strong did not end in a premature abort due to systems malfunction. In fact, the flight has the honor of being the first space mission ever to bring back a larger crew than went up: the well-known litter of myishanauts, born in orbit and safely returned to the Earth.

For that flight, comrades Klimuk and Brzęczyszczykiewicz were awarded many medals (which sadly they will not wear on their historic moon flight due to weight concerns...), amongst them the Star Of The Onion, the Medal For Bravery and of course two titles of Hero Of The Zenobian Onion. They met comrade Premier at a special dinner in their honor.

The Motherland extends its best wishes to her sons on their mission to the heavens. Let them bring back glouries and scientific discoveries the likes of which the world has never seen!

[crosses fingers]

This was a great day for Gzregorz. He would be one of the first men to circle the moon. Or to slam into it.

Oh man. This is it.

What was that about heroes of the Onion raining down again?

Well, you may have to wait a little while longer then - I have much of the flight post, but probably won't be able to finish it today. Sorries.