Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[PeZook]

Also you probably won't have the option of using state-controlled media to claim they died during a rock climbing accident

[Simon_Jester]

Very well then. Send up the least competent people first, with the next-worst as seconds, then for the next round of launches use the most competent people, with the next-best as seconds. I'll let you work it out, you seem more a people person. Let my superior Aryan mind me do the work with the machines, and you get their crews ready, ja?

When your Thanasian mind had undisputed control of all work with the machines, you blew up two rockets and were all set to blow up two more, with negligible effort put into making the blowups stop happening. It is a miracle of good luck that none of the rockets blew up on the pad, as this was entirely possible and would have caused further disastrous setbacks by wrecking the pad.

As Director of Operations for the Baikonurek Cosmodrome, I must concern myself with all aspects of operations at this cosmodrome. You, Herr Doktor, are the man tasked by the Zenobian Onion with setting space policy. I must try to make it work. Somehow.

[bolts down cup of Turkish coffee rather than savoring it as is proper]

In an attempt to interpret your directives in meaningful terms, Herr Doktor, in my assessment, the most suitable (not competent, suitable) people for this specific mission are Comrades Karzanovich and Nikov.

The least suitable (again, not competent, suitable) people for this specific mission are Comrades Faaabio and Dostarovski.

The moderately suitable ("second-best") pair would be Comrades Titov and I. I. Ivanov.

The last person I would send on this mission is Comrade I. I. Ivanovitch, because he shows promise in a variety of complex space flight tasks, but no special aptitude for capsule piloting. Therefore, he is neither remarkably skilled as a pilot nor remarkably easy to replace.

If we are going to continue the policy of massed launches in hopes of getting one of them right, then you know everything you need to know for your mission plan. Now, I must get back to working out the bugs in the Vostok maneuvering thruster system; they are formidable.
______________

In other words, for the first two manned launches on the von Evilstein Plan, the primary crews would be Comrades Faaabio and Dostarovski, while the backup crews would be Titov and I. I. Ivanov.

For the next two manned launches on the von Evilstein Plan, the primary crews would be comrades Nikov and Karzanovich, with Titov and I. I. Ivanov again as the backup crews.

I have growing misgivings about the quality of this plan, and about the feasibility of getting the launches ready by Fall 1959...

[PeZook]

You know what's interesting? IRL, the USSR only lost 7 cosmonauts (Soyuz 1, Soyuz 11 and three training accidents) while the US lost 22 throughout their manned spaceflight programs

The actual number of catastrophes was similar (half the US body count is the result of the two Shuttle incidents), though USSR and Russia had fewer training accidents like the Apollo 1 fire. Yet, the stereotype is that Russians didn't care about lives of the cosmonauts...

[fnord]

Comrade Cosmonaut Nikov was last seen coming out of the Ops Building (it might have been Pavelovich's office - definitely not one of von Evilstein's mistresses), more than somewhat shiftaced, singing (abominably), "'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go..."

Yes, it would appear the stress might be starting to get to him. Either that, or he has nothing to do but drink.

[Narkis]

You know what's interesting? IRL, the USSR only lost 7 cosmonauts (Soyuz 1, Soyuz 11 and three training accidents) while the US lost 22 throughout their manned spaceflight programs

The actual number of catastrophes was similar (half the US body count is the result of the two Shuttle incidents), though USSR and Russia had fewer training accidents like the Apollo 1 fire. Yet, the stereotype is that Russians didn't care about lives of the cosmonauts...

Well, we're not Russians. Their lack of vigour and thrust lost them the space race. We're Zenobians! And no sacrifice is too great for the Motherland!

[doom3607]

OOC, this is Russia Zenboia! Of course he has nothing to do but drink, while waiting for the second round of launches!

IC, be honored- you're considered most suitable, and thus get to launch when the things should actually work worth a damn. The early launches are just for the off-chance we get way the hell in the lead.

Also, I did get us the satellite lead, Comrade Director of Operations. Even if the first three launches blew up. Try to remember that...

[fnord]

OOC - Surprise, surprise...

IC - I will *buuurp* celebrate with .... sleeping off this four-alarm hangover.... what in the name of Shroomanski is one of the Ivans doing?

[PeZook]

So, a final question: if the first manned launch succeeds, do you scrub the second one?

[doom3607]

YES.

But seriously, I don't want to lose more cosmonauts than I really need to. Even if they are only Zenobian and therefore inherently expendable, they are more useful to me still breathing.

Any who wash out will be sent to Zyberia after being hobbled with a pickaxe. This is to discourage deliberate wash-outs in the hopes of survival. Also my personal amusement.

[Eternal_Freedom]

The Murcans will fly both missions regardless of the success or failure of the first launch.

Also, don't I have a couple of Explorer launches scheduled soon?

[Karza]

Comrade Karzanovski would like to notify the hung over and halfway burnt out operations director that his name is in fact Karzanovski, not Karzanovich. Usually this wouldn't be a big deal, but if I'm going to get incinerated for the glory of the Motherland, I'd like a grave with the right name on it.

I assume we do get graves on land, even if technically our burial site is the upper atmosphere?

[PeZook]

The Murcans will fly both missions regardless of the success or failure of the first launch.

Also, don't I have a couple of Explorer launches scheduled soon?

I swear to God, people, I do write these things in your summaries!

[Eternal_Freedom]

I know you do, but your the Games Master and we're the Players. It's our job to irritate you in small ways

[doom3607]

How about we start coordinating it for greater annoyance?

[Eternal_Freedom]

How about we start coordinating it for greater annoyance?

Nah, we don't want to push PeZook toooo far. I'd for him to end the game by declaring World War Three.

[doom3607]

Damnit, you're right.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Then again, in this game WW3 would be fought with ICBM's based ont he A and Atlas rockets.

And mine seem to be a lot more reliable right now than yours...

I think you would hate to have an ICBM blow up on the pad

[doom3607]

Why? Not like the nuke would go up. Hard enough to make those blow when you want them to...

[Eternal_Freedom]

But a wrecked pad and live, possibly damaged nuclear devices lying around....never a good mix!

[Shroom Man 777]

MOOSECOW, Palace of the Zoviets
IN GODDAMN UNREAL TIME



"Comrades, da! Eat! Eat!" Stanislav Shroomanski said. He laughed, it was a good time to be a Motherland mang. The De-Virginized Lands project was yielding great crops, and the success of the Sputnik gave Zenobia prestige unlike any other.

Thus he was dining with the two stars of the space program, good Comrade Syrgy Pavylyvych and the foul hunchbacked Thanasian prisoner of war Von Evilstein.

"A toast to your success, comrades!" Stanislav shouts. They clang glasses and, afterwards, start smoking vodka cigarettes. "Truly your achievements will be forever remembered by the working-class proletariats of the Motherland! Our success brings gloury everlasting! Da, da!

"But this great victory of great justice did come at a price. Hard work, and sacrifices were made, such as the explosions of the test rockets. It was very fortunate that none of our Zenobian proletarian working-class comrades were killed, for the rockets did not carry live passengers. I also hear that the mid-air explosion prevented our irreplaceable launch pads from being damaged, had the rockets exploderized on the ground and burninated the structures. Such a tragedy would not only set us back in terms of manpower and monies, but also give the advantage to the damn Murcans, those capitalist pigdogs. We cannot afford to underestimate them, as Ztalin did his arch-nemesis Shitler. Haha, how is your Fuhrer doing now, Evilstein? Oh wait, he's dead. Da!"

Suddenly Shroomanski seemed serious.

"We cannot allow the Murcans to take the advantage. The Zenobian space program must win. And as the great founder and leader of the revolution, Vladimir Illych Lennon said, the core of proletarian labor victory is in the working-class proletariat and the fruits of his labor, produced by the means of production that the people have won for themselves and made with their own hands.

"If we lose our comrades, or the facilities constructed by the Zenobian peoples' labor, the consequences will be most dire. Not only for Zenobia, but for those who bring about this defeat. They will have to work hard to regain Zenobia's place, by for example... rebuilding a destroyed launch pad with their own bleeding hands under the watchful supervision of the NKVDVDROM compelled labor division. Or by taking the place of the fallen comrades in the next noble endeavor into space, to see if the vehicles are safe to ride.

"But, fortunately, this will not be necessary for I am absolutely certain you brilliant gentlemen will not fail us, and glory shall be Zenobia's forever. We cannot lose. Or else. Am I understood? Good. Da. Here, eat some more corn, comrades! Don't be shy! Salyut!"

[Narkis]

But a wrecked pad and live, possibly damaged nuclear devices lying around....never a good mix!

The world will be glowing from the irradiated ruins Capitalism's funeral pyres and the people will be lying on the streets wishing they had died celebrating all day, for the explosions glorious worker's revolution will have finally freed them from the oppression of modern civilization the bourgeoisie.

Who cares if some nukes get misplaced along the way?

[doom3607]

I'm not hunchbacked.

[Simon_Jester]

"But, fortunately, this will not be necessary for I am absolutely certain you brilliant gentlemen will not fail us, and glory shall be Zenobia's forever. We cannot lose. Or else. Am I understood? Good. Da. Here, eat some more corn, comrades! Don't be shy! Salyut!"

Salyut!

I'm not hunchbacked.

Don't worry, Herr Doktor, I'm sure something can be arranged.

But a wrecked pad and live, possibly damaged nuclear devices lying around....never a good mix!

The world will be glowing from the irradiated ruins Capitalism's funeral pyres and the people will be lying on the streets wishing they had died celebrating all day, for the explosions glorious worker's revolution will have finally freed them from the oppression of modern civilization the bourgeoisie.

Who cares if some nukes get misplaced along the way?

At the moment, the Semyorka has a 34% reliability rate. Of every three ICBMs launched we can expect one of them to actually deliver a payload somewhere. This is in addition to any concerns about warhead reliability and circular error probable. Therefore, to be reasonably confident of scoring one direct hit on an enemy installation, we would probably have to fire a dozen or more ICBMs.

In consequence, thanks in large part to the von Evilstein program of massed launches at the expense of R&D, in the event of nuclear war with the capitalists, we would have to rely heavily on the Zenobian Air Force's ZiGs- and, of course, the bomber wings commanded by Comrade Air Marshal Ditkaski.

Da, Bears!

You know what's interesting? IRL, the USSR only lost 7 cosmonauts (Soyuz 1, Soyuz 11 and three training accidents) while the US lost 22 throughout their manned spaceflight programs

The actual number of catastrophes was similar (half the US body count is the result of the two Shuttle incidents), though USSR and Russia had fewer training accidents like the Apollo 1 fire. Yet, the stereotype is that Russians didn't care about lives of the cosmonauts...

Well, look at it on a percentage basis. In terms of manned missions, the US launched... 6 men for Mercury, 20 men for Gemini, 36 for Apollo, and... God, probably about a thousand astronaut-flights on the shuttle. Fourteen astronaut-flights ending in death out of a thousand launches.

The Soviets haven't sent up that many people over the years, which affects the numbers.

Comrade Karzanovski would like to notify the hung over and halfway burnt out operations director that his name is in fact Karzanovski, not Karzanovich.

I apologize and will note this. However, I must insist that I am not burnt out or hung over. I am exhausted, because I am working my ass off here trying to get this thing to work on the schedule set by von Evilstein.

Usually this wouldn't be a big deal, but if I'm going to get incinerated for the glory of the Motherland, I'd like a grave with the right name on it.

I assume we do get graves on land, even if technically our burial site is the upper atmosphere?

Absolutely. In addition, any identifiable crash-landing sites will receive a tasteful memorial, and in addition the victims' names would be recorded on the wall of the Kremlin in Moosecow as befits a space hero of the Zenobian Onion.

[Akhlut]

The last person I would send on this mission is Comrade I. I. Ivanovitch, because he shows promise in a variety of complex space flight tasks, but no special aptitude for capsule piloting. Therefore, he is neither remarkably skilled as a pilot nor remarkably easy to replace.

Comrade Ivanovich knows the best way to serve glorious Mother Zenobia is by being as irreplacable as possible! I will strive to work with the technical crews as much as possible to ensure that all the hard spaceflight tasks are built to my specifications! That way, I know how to work with them! Certainly not because I'm going to try to make myself so irreplacable as to give me functional immunity from anything! Not at all, Comrades! Da!

[Simon_Jester]

Actually, Comrade Ivanovich, one of the things I think you might be well suited for is the first Zenobian spacewalk...