Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Eternal_Freedom]

With this AWESOME SPACEPLANE we only need a short runway. And I mean VERY SHORT. Like, the distance from the HANGER to the OPPOSITE HANGER.

ANd EVERYTHING is READY, ENGINES ready but still definitely OFF. That's why I'm waiting at T-30 seconds.

[Zixinus]

Don't wait t-30 seconds. Wait till we are in. I will open the HANGAR DOORS with IVAN IVANOV once he gets back here and then immedeatly get inside the RAVENSTAR. Punch it once we are seated.

EDIT: Actually I'll BEGIN to OPEN HANGAR DOORS once I hear IVANOV's DISTRACTION and merely wait for him by the RAVENSTAR'S ENTRANCE with the AR-15. Hopefully he set a timer so we can get a better starting signal.

EVERYTHING is about timing here. We need the distraction for the FEDS to focus on THAT instead. When they FOCUS ON THAT we'll make our escape, hopefully fast enough and climb high enough that the FEDS won't be able to react.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Will do.

[MKSheppard]

ASK FEDERAL AGENTS FOR GUN.

GET DENIED GUN.

ASK FEDERAL AGENTS FOR LARGE IRRITABLE DOG TRAINED TO ATTACK ON COMMAND.

GET LARGE IRRITABLE DOG. (NAME: SHEP) (BREED: GERMAN SHEPHERD)

ASK FOR A BADGE.

GET TOLD TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND INFILTRATE THE HANGAR.

DO SO.

ONCE IN; USE LARGE IRRITABLE DOG ON EVERYONE.

[FaxModem1]

Call WHITE POLAR BEAR and tell him we need a DISTRACTION. Preferably non lethal and just NOISY!

I also tell him GOOD LUCK and that this is a great OPPORTUNITY for the FAMILY BUSINESS.

[Scottish Ninja]

RETURN to HANGAR. BOARD SPACEPLANE.

"Is a very good time to be going, my friends! Let us hope this thing works!"

[Shroom Man 777]

INEXPLICABLY PRODUCE a STRING of SAUSAGES to DISTRACT the LARGE IRRITABLE DOG while MAKING ESCAPE into SPACE PLANE

[Zixinus]

TRIES HARD NOT TO NOTICE THAT NAKED FILIPINO JANITOR HAS PRODUCED A STRING OF SAUSAGES OUT OF NOWHERE. DEFINITELY DOES NOT CONSIDER WHERE HE WOULD HAVE KEPT IT.

[PeZook]

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday

ROUND 2



Barack Obama Private Spaceflight Complex
Hangar no. 8
Merrit Island, FL

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, ZIXINUS, PHANT, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, SUAVE PLAYBOY and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY.

You are in a HANGAR. You are WELL RESTED. It is MORNING. It is HORRIBLY HOT. Also EXTREMELY HUMID. The HANGAR is EMPTY. There is an ACTUAL SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is MAGNIFICIENT. There is CHINESE TAKEOUT scattered EVERYWHERE. There is a HORRIBLE MESS of VARIOUS GEAR around the HANGAR FLOOR. A HELICOPTER seems to be CIRCLING above the AIRFIELD since EARLY MORNING. There is PANIC. The PANIC is ENORMOUS.

People have been RUNNING AROUND like HEADLESS CHICKENS ever since the FEDS were DISCOVERED at the AIRFIELD. ZIXINUS is ATTEMPTING to FIGHT the PANIC. The PANIC is WINNING. ZIXINUS is LOSING his HIT POINTS at an alarming RATE.

Nobody seems to KNOW how to PROPERLY LOAD all the ESSENTIAL EQUIPMENT, but you TRY anyway. Even SUAVE PLAYBOY seems DRIVEN by GIRLY FEAR and helps HOIST the BOMBS on WOEFULLY INADEQUATE WINCHES.

ETERNAL FREEDOM SHOUTS from the COCKPIT that he is STARTING a PREFLIGHT CHECK on the SPACEPLANE. He is in a HURRY. He is READING the MANUAL at the same TIME. It is VERY DANGEROUS.

IVAN IVANOV has DISTRIBUTED his PIRATE COPIES of the SPACEPLANE MANUAL and then DISAPPEaRS like a WRAITH. It is VERY CONFUSING.

ETERNAL FREEDOM SHOUTS from the COCKPIT that you can't CARRY the BOMBS. He is quickly CORRECTED by ZIXINUS and REALIZES he made a SIMPLE MISTAKE. You all HOPE he doesn't MAKE another when TAKING OFF at FULL THRUST trying to CLEAR the TOPS of the OPPOSITE HANGARS with full PAYLOAD.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: Pity we don't have a proper loadmaster. Whatever happened to that Shapp bloke, anyway?

RI'ANN SHAPP ENTERS the HANGAR through the FRONT DOOR. He has a LARGE DOG with him. He BEHESTS the SCENE of MASSIVE and UTTER PANIC. He SEES the SPACEPLANE. It is MANGNIFICENT. It is also REAL, which RI'ANN SHAPP used to DISBELIEVE.

The WOEFULLY INADEQUATE WINCH breaks and DROPS a MASSIVE BOMB on the FLOOR. It BREAKS out of its CRATE and begins to ROLL towards the HANGAR DOOR. It PROMPTS the IRRITABLE DOG to ATTACK EVERYONE. The FEDERAL AGENTS also BEGIN their ATTACK.

The PANIC wins. ZIXINUS becomes UNCONSCIOUS. He has LOST all HIT POINTS. Only three BOMBS and some MINOR EQUIPMENT is LOADED in the PAYLOAD BAY. IVAN IVANOV is OUTSIDE the HANGAR. SUAVE PLAYBOY is not ABOARD the SPACEPLANE. FILIPINO JANITOR is not ABOARD the SPACEPLANE. He is WRESTLING with the IRRITABLE DOG using a STRING of SAUSAGES. PHANT is WHIMPERING in the CORNER.

It LOOKS like you are ALL going to DIE.

What do you do? _

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY invokes GIRLY FEAR.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has become FASTER.

SUAVE PLAYBOY runs to get aboard MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE.

Addendum: Only if Zixinus is outside the spaceplane.

SUAVE PLAYBOY remembers thing of VITAL IMPORTANCE.

REVIVE ZIXINUS with AMPHETAMINE TABLET and MOVE him into the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE in order to counteract ETERNAL FREEDOM's strange and unwise IDEAS.

[Shroom Man 777]

STRANGLE the IRRITABLE DOG using the SAUSAGES as GARROTE WIRE

RUN to the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE

[PeZook]

Spoiler

Oh holy shit it IS POSSIBLE TO LAUNCH THIS THING ACROSS A TAXIWAY

Jesus christ this is awesome I didn't think it could be done holy crap man...

[Eternal_Freedom]

SCREAM out the WINDOW that you've got ABOUT 30 SECONDS to get aboard before I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE. STEP ON IT!

[FaxModem1]

RUN into SPACE PLANE and BUCKLE into SEAT. Tell WHITE POLAR BEAR we NEED that DISTRACTION NOW.

"Guys, I hope you know what you're doing."

[Zixinus]

MUMBLE in Hungarian about lazy and headless, good-for-nothing dickheads while unconscious.
Spoiler

Shit, we haven't even started our wacky hijinks in Russia. Really, do we have a chance in hell to survive?

PeZook
What would have been the "correct" way to dodge the FEDS?
Also, am I getting the right vibe here that the more I try to do sane things the less successful I am?

Ilya Muromets

I was meaning to comment for a while: we were in a closed space, what were we to do?

[PeZook]

Spoiler

You are not dead yet. I have in fact confirmed that it is entirely possible to launch the Ravenstar over the breath of the taxiway (with some insane stunts). So ETERNAL FREEDOM's insane idea has a chance of working if you get it just right.

And you could've made a token attempt to hide the MASSIVE CREDIT CARD PURCHASES you made

[Eternal_Freedom]

I TOLD you FUCKERS I KNOW HOW to FLY!

[Scottish Ninja]

ACTIVATE DISTRACTION. THROW ROCKET FUEL MOLOTOV at the FEDS. YELL at Eternal_Freedom to "Run like we STOLE SOMETHING. Because we DID."

BUCKLE THE FUCK UP.

[FaxModem1]

YELL "DON"T WORRY. My dad will take care of this. He knows what he is doing. I think."

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

And you could've made a token attempt to hide the MASSIVE CREDIT CARD PURCHASES you made

Why? It was not ours at all, it had no connection to us. Although I really could have waited with them, true.

[PeZook]

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday

ROUND 3



Barack Obama Private Spaceflight Complex
Hangar no. 8
Merrit Island, FL

You are now: FILIPINO JANITOR, ZIXINUS, PHANT, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, SUAVE PLAYBOY, RI'ANN SHAPP and WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY.

You are in a HANGAR. You are WELL RESTED. It is MORNING. It is HORRIBLY HOT. Also EXTREMELY HUMID. The HANGAR is EMPTY. There is an ACTUAL SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is MAGNIFICIENT. There is CHINESE TAKEOUT scattered EVERYWHERE. There is a HORRIBLE MESS of VARIOUS GEAR around the HANGAR FLOOR. A HELICOPTER seems to be CIRCLING above the AIRFIELD since EARLY MORNING. There is PANIC. The PANIC is ENORMOUS. There are lots of ARMED FEDERAL AGENTS. They are ATTACKING the HANGAR. There is an IRRITABLE DOG. The IRRITABLE DOG is ATTACKING the FILIPINO JANITOR.

There is much SCREAMING and SHOUTING all around the HANGAR. The SPACEPLANE is CLOSING its PAYLOAD BAY and SPOOLING UP the FUEL PUMPS. ETERNAL FREEDOM is SCREAMING at PEOPLE to GET IN before he FIRES UP the ENGINES and COOKS everyone ALIVE.

The SUAVE PLAYBOY is YELLING like a LITTLE GIRL. He is HAULING ZIXINUS towards the SPACEPLANE. ZIXINUS is UNCONSCIOUS. It will be TROUBLESOME to GET him ABOARD.

The FILIPINO JANITOR is STRANGLING the IRRITABLE DOG with a STRING OF SAUSAGES he PRODUCED out of SOMEWHERE. RI'ANN SHAPP is HITTING the FILIPINO JANITOR on the HEAD with something HEAVY in an ATTEMPT to SAVE the IRRITABLE DOG. They are RUNNING out of TIME.

The ARMED FEDERAL AGENTS are STORMING IN through the FRONT DOORS. It LOOKS like they will be ABLE to STOP you after all.

Suddenly, IVAN IVANOV arrives and RUNS across the HANGAR. He is YELLING that you should RUN like you STOLE something, as if it wasn't OBVIOUS. The ARMED FEDERAL AGENTS are YELLING at IVAN IVANOV to SURRENDER, but he DIALS a NUMBER on his CELL PHONE and SUDDENLY something EXPLODES MIGHTILY. The GROUND SHAKES, and the ARMED FEDERAL AGENTS are DISTRACTED for a FEW PRECIOUS SECONDS.

The MAIN HANGAR DOORS start OPENING driven by ELECTRIC MOTORS. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY manages to CLIMB the LADDER to the TOP HATCH and HELPS SUAVE PLAYBOY WINCH ZIXINUS aboard. They LOSE their BALANCE and FALL INSIDE on a MAN HEAP. IVAN IVANOV JUMPS on THEM. It is VERY PAINFUL.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: Buckle up, fuckers! Here goes nothing!

The FUEL PUMPS reach their CRESCENDO. The ARMED FEDERAL AGENTS scream in GIRLY FEAR and RUN for COVER. ZIXINUS suddenly WAKES UP and acts HYPER. He RUNS to the COCKPIT while BABBLING INCOHERENTLY. His HANDS are SHAKING.

ETERNAL FREEDOM looks PSYCHOTIC. He is GRINNING WIDELY. He GIVES ZIXINUS a THUMBS UP and SLAMS the THROTTLE FORWARD.



The MAN HEAP in the PASSENGER SECTION is SLAMMED into the BULKHEAD by the ACCELERATION. It is VERY PAINFUL. The ENGINES spew EXHAUST into the HANGAR. The EXHAUST is WHITE HOT. They PROPEL the SPACEPLANE forward. It starts to do a WHEELIE.

ZIXINUS Says: What the hell are you doing? You won't make the turn what the hell are you doing?!

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: We're going straight!

ZIXINUS SCREAMS something FOUL in HUNGARIAN. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY managed to STRAP IN and is PRAYING. PHANT had SOMEHOW managed to GET ABOARD. He is WHIMPERING.



ZIXINUS Says: There's not enough space! NOT ENOUGH SPACE!

SUAVE PLAYBOY Yells: THIS IS INSANE WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE OH MY GOD WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

The SPACEPLANE's NOSE is RAPIDLY RISING. Something SCREECHES on the TARMAC. The HANGAR on the OPPOSITE SIDE of the TAXIWAY is RAPIDLY CLOSING. The MAN HEAP is being THROWN AROUND like RUBBER DOLLS. The SPACEPLANE is STARTING to SHAKE TERRIBLY.

ETERNAL FREEDOM LAUGHS MANIACALLY. There is a TRAIL of BURNING TARMAC behind your SPACEPLANE. The FEDERAL AGENTS are RUNNING AWAY as FAST as they POSSIBLY CAN.

ZIXINUS Yells: We're gonna hit it! We're gonna hit it...

SUAVE PLAYBOY Yells: AND WE'RE GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!



EVERYONE Yells: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!



ETERNAL FREEDOM Screams: I TOLD YOU FUCKERS I KNOW HOW TO FLY!

END OF CHAPTER 1
INSERT DISK 2

[Zixinus]

TRY to take in acceleration with some DIGNITY, despite knowing that I will not make the necessary stat checks.

MUTTER in HUNGARIAN that we should have left the states even sooner.

HIGH-FIVE ETERNAL FREEDOM.
"Knew you could do it. I now know that you could do it without killing all of us."

CHECK DISPLAYS. HURRIEDLY READ FLIGHT MANUAL ON TABLET.

Once we aren't accelerating madly, look at back at MANHEAP. SIGH. HELP with battle if necessary.

Once things calmed down and everyone is in their seats, double-check ETERNAL FREEDEOM's FLIGHT PATH to STAR CITY, RUSSIA and make sure that we have enough delta-v to make the orbital hop. Then calculate whether we have enough oxygen for the trip.

Check INVENTORY. SEARCH for any usable items. ASK what we managed to load up. CALL FOR A TEAM MEETING on WHAT WE'LL DO ONCE WE REACH STAR CITY.
And RI'ANNON SHEP.

[Eternal_Freedom]

BUSY FLYING. FUEL is GOOD, COURSE is GOOD, DELTA-V achieved, ACCELERATION cutting out, handing over to AUTOPILOT, ANDS OFF CONTROLS. TURN CHAIR around for TEAM MEETING.

ALL THE WHILE an ENORMOUS SMUG GRIN on my FACE. Which is FAIRLY JUSTIFIED I THINK.

EDIT:Spoiler

Sweet. Bout time I added this to my sig. Maybe we should get someone to do sig banners for TEAM L.A.M.E.!

[Scottish Ninja]

Spoiler

That was awesome.

SHOUT over NOISE "Very good takeoff my friend! I have not done something like this in over twenty years!"

EXTRACT SELF from MESS. SETTLE IN for FLIGHT to RUSSIA.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY is RELIEVED that ZIXINUS is showing no major SIDE EFFECTS.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is RELIEVED that he is STILL ALIVE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY mourns a moment for his TOPDOWN CONVERTIBLE.

"OH my god we're alive...that was awesome."

SUAVE PLAYBOY stares backwards at the rear of the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE and sheds a single AWESTRUCK TEAR.