Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN VOLUNTEERS to CLEAR OUT BASEMENT.

[FaxModem1]

"That would be the price we paid for this facility. We rented this hangar and made sure it was not extravagant in order to bring the savings directly onto you, our customers. For us, that means we get what may be wolves in the basement."

[Shroom Man 777]

Joins HISTORIAN in EXPLORING BASEMENT

[Force Lord]

Tells COMBAT JANITOR, "You pull anything, remember that I have a knife."

[Simon_Jester]

SCIENCE GUY'S attention is on POSSIBLY WOLVES* behind the SEALED DOOR.

Corner of his brain makes note FOR LATER. Should PASSENGER and BODYGUARD desire it, he will make a few suggestions about what is and is not VACUUM READY CARGO, though again, we do not take RESPONSIBILITY for VACUUM READINESS. Later. After POSSIBLY WOLVES have been dealt with.

[Metal and ceramics good.
Sealed and airtight or nearly airtight containers bad, very bad, unless they are extremely sturdy.
Plastics usually good; plastics and fabrics might be damaged by outgassing in vacuum or not, depending on exactly what substance we're talking about.
Anything with ongoing power consumption that requires a coolant fan including most electronics, obviously bad.
Living organisms, obviously a no-no.
Large vacuum-safe containers exist, naturally, but SCIENCE GUY does not know off the top of his head where to get one he'd trust and does not recommend experimenting with ones that don't have formal certification by some responsible agency. Fourteen pounds per square inch of internal pressure is a lot for most suitcases to deal with]

*Spoiler

Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist..."

[Eternal_Freedom]

SPACE PILOT has DECIDED that the BEST WAY to SHOW OFF my PILOTING CREDENTIALS is to be SAT in the PILOT'S SEAT doing PILOTY-TYPE THINGS, probably CHECKLISTS of the REPAIRS.

LEANS out of SPACEPLANE and ASKS CUTOMER:

"Would you like to come inside and see the spacecraft for yourself madam? Descriptions are all well and good, but seeing it firsthand makes it so much more real."

[PeZook]

GESTURES WAYWARDLY

"Something the previous renter of hangar left behind. That was probably the landowner's exterminator ,that finally arrived, being startled."

CUSTOMER Says: "It didn't sound like being startled. More like getting murdered."

CUSTOMER is DISTRACTED in a TIMELY FASHION by ETERNAL FREEDOM who INVITES her to come ABOARD and do some EXPLORATION. This TIME is USED by COMBAT JANITOR and QUIET HISTORIAN to go DOWN to the BASEMENT.

***

You are now: COMBAT JANITOR, QUIET HISTORIAN

You come DOWN a flight of STAIRS and become IMMERSED in SLIGHTLY ILLUMINATED DARKNESS.

You HEAR some HEAVY BREATHING from SOMEWHERE. The SOMEWHERE is not HERE but not THERE, either. It is UNKNOWN.

There is no TRACE of the HOBO EXTERMINATOR. You EVENTUALLY come upon the BEND that QUIET HISTORIAN had reached EARLIER. You can go RIGHT or LEFT.

There are sounds of LARGE SHOELESS FEET from the RIGHT bend. There is SILENCE from the LEFT.

What do you do? _

***

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST, REPAIR GUY, IVAN IVANOV, RI'ANN SHAPP, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR.

The CUSTOMER had VISITED the SPACECRAFT. She is in AWE. She is VERY ENTHUSIASTIC.

She is also a SHREWD BUSINESSWOMAN, however, and thus has QUESTIONS.

CUSTOMER Says: You say this thing can reach the Moon. Is so, where's the toilet?

What do you do? _

[doom3607]

Spoiler

Whatever happened to the poor psychotic cultist?

[Zixinus]

CUSTOMER Says: You say this thing can reach the Moon. Is so, where's the toilet?

SPECIFICALLY AVOID SAYING that the crew appear to improvise just by relieving themselves in zero-g or straight into the air-filter, to thus start barbecue fires and our deaths.

Instead, say "The proper one is in America due to a shipping mistake. A clerk accidentally written an 'I' instead of a '1', the usual issues that is being sorted out. In the meantime, we plan to improvise one from a camping toilet in the corner of the passenger compartment, with a curtain and hand sanitizers of course."

I WAS planning on getting that either way. By the way, how much would the toilet module for the Ravenstar costs us?

[PeZook]

You have NO IDEA if Altea would even SELL the MODULE to you. The MANUAL for the RAVENSTAR makes a POINT to SHOW OFF a NICE and COMFY CREW MODULE for the CARGO BAY, but it's SPECIFICALLY MADE for the RAVENSTAR and thus PROBABLY in POSESSION of ALTEA AEROSPACE.

Needless to SAY, these guys don't LIKE you all that MUCH.

The CUSTOMER is not HAPPY about the IDEA for the IMPROVISED TOILET.

CUSTOMER Says: Are you serious?

[PeZook]

Spoiler

The cultist will make an appearance when the time is right and the stars are in the correct alignment.

[Shroom Man 777]

ARM the CYBERNETIC PROSTHETIC

ADVISE PARTNER AGAINST SPLITTING UP

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

I knew this was going to be a problem, I knew it I knew it...

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

This is Libertarian Russia. Maybe we can insist that the toilet is only for the highest paying customers.

[Zixinus]

CUSTOMER Says: Are you serious?

Say "I'm afraid so Madam, this is aerospace industry after all. It sadly has a history of having undignified toilets. But fear not! We are not settling for just a chair with a hole in it and a plastic bag below. Once installed, the toilet will function properly: it will suck in any undesired matter into a auto-sealing compartment. We are willing to settle for nothing less than proper and dignified hygiene under the circumstances."

I'm of course hoping that Repair Guy can do something like that. I mostly imagine it being possible: you take a proper, flushing camping-toilet and expand it's draining ability to include air while being activated.
Spoiler

What are we supposed to do about THAT problem anyway?

Also, we could "acquire" such a module, assuming the Ravenstar is the first of it's kind. They likely would have made a module and suddenly find that the craft it was designed for is missing, so they can't use it. We only have to avoid showing our identities and bribing the right people.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

The real problem is making a toilet function in microgravity; this is quite difficult as an engineering problem. It's already a solved problem as of 2010, mind you, but it ain't cheap or simple.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY looks online for a compatible TOILET for SPACEPLANE.

[PeZook]

The only SEARCH RESULTS show LINKS to ALTEA AEROSPACE, and a LIST of all SPACECRAFT that had a SPACE TOILET aboard. The LIST is quite SHORT and EASILY COMPILED.

Code: Select all

1. Altair lander and Orion capsule are both equipped with toilets
2. Newest versions of the Soyuz spacecraft has a toilet in a separate orbital habitation module.
3. SpaceX's Dragon-2 also has a space toilet
4. The Lunar Transit Vehicle is equipped with a very nice, expensive and big assembly

Unfortunately REPAIR GUY sees NO WAY to make a GROUND TOILET function in MICROGRAVITY.

CUSTOMER Says: Well, I want to get to Armstrong for the 10-year anniversary. So you have two weeks to sort everything out, if we come to an agreement, but I am not flying on a ship without a proper zero-gravity toilet.

[Force Lord]

HISTORIAN agrees to COMBAT JANITOR'S SUGGESTION. Decides to go RIGHT.

[Zixinus]

Well, I want to get to Armstrong for the 10-year anniversary. So you have two weeks to sort everything out, if we come to an agreement, but I am not flying on a ship without a proper zero-gravity toilet.

Say "Madam, if you are willing to pay, we are willing to arrange anything you wish and anywhere within our capability. Believe me, I have wished upon such a device on our previous, shorter flight and I can fully understand your desire for one. I will consult with our engineer about the speed of installation of the device but I have little doubt that it could be installed within a few days. Is there anything else you may wish on the flight?"

OOCish: Repair guy would be more successful if he discussed the design of such a toilet with Physicist. We are unlikely to simply buy one that would fit our needs. It would be more prudent to look up whether we can make one. It will cost, but only a few hundred dollars, which is a pittance compared to other costs for the Ravenstar.

Also, CAN we make it to the anniversary? If so, how many days do we have to do it?

[Eternal_Freedom]

SAY to CUSTOMER:

"As my esteemed collegaue has said madam, it is possible for us to fit the Ravenstar with the toilet facility. It owuld be neither simple nor cheap, but it can be done. It is indeed a good idea, one we were considering anyway so as to make the Ravenstar a more attractive vehicle for Lunar flights.

Of course, this is a cutting-edge area we are in, and this is a brand new industry, I'm afraid you may have to accept some hardships in exchange for the once in a lifetime opportunity to visit the Moon and Armstrong Base. We will try our hardest to keep those hardships to a minimum, but you need to be aware of that."

[PeZook]

The ENGINEERING PROBLEMS with making a WORKABLE SPACE TOILET are quie SOLVABLE, but not CHEAP nor FAST, as they require SPECIALIZED SUCTION EQUIPMENT. Certainly a TOURIST TOILET is not a GOOD BASE.

Also, the ANNIVERSARY is on the 14th day of MARCH and a flight to the MOON usually takes about 4-5 DAYS.

***

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM.

You are PERFORMING a SALES PITCH.

ZIXINUS Says:Madam, if you are willing to pay, we are willing to arrange anything you wish and anywhere within our capability. Believe me, I have wished upon such a device on our previous, shorter flight and I can fully understand your desire for one. I will consult with our engineer about the speed of installation of the device but I have little doubt that it could be installed within a few days. Is there anything else you may wish on the flight?

CUSTOMER Says: Well, privacy would be nice, but we can do without. I see what you are trying to do here, though.

CUSTOMER thinks for a MOMENT.

CUSTOMER Says: Four million for the round trip. One million up front, the rest upon landing back on Earth, provided you can really fix a decent toilet in there.

[Eternal_Freedom]

"Would you excuse us a moment madam? This is something we must confer on."

To ZIXINUS, out of EARSHOT:

"Seems reasonable enough to me mate. 1 million should pay for repairs nicely. Any left can be used to halt the alarming AMEX bill, but that can wait until we get back and get the 4 million in. I say take it."

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY consults physicist about installing or designing TOILET.

[Zixinus]

CUSTOMER Says: Well, privacy would be nice, but we can do without. I see what you are trying to do here, though.

I do not fully understand. In what manner did you believe that I did not wish the user of the aforementioned device to be in proper privacy?