Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Force Lord]

INTERCEPTS CYBER-FOOT between the knees. GRABS FOOT and pulls off WRESTLING MOVE.

[Shroom Man 777]

ACTIVATE TASER-TOES

[Force Lord]

IN PAIN, HISTORIAN HEADBUTTS JANITOR'S GROIN.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY asks ETERNAL FREEDOM to get SPARE PARTS for RAVENSTAR.

[Scottish Ninja]

SUGGEST to ETERNAL FREEDOM the OTs-20 "Gnom".

Begin SUBTLE PROBING to DETERMINE if anyone has any OBJECTIONS to L.A.M.E. becoming an INDEPENDENT GRU SUBCONTRACTOR, since they would have MANY JOBS for US.

[Shroom Man 777]

IN PAIN, HISTORIAN HEADBUTTS JANITOR'S GROIN.

WRAP MY THIGHS around HISTORIAN'S FACE to ENTRAP HIM and DEPRIVE HIM OF AIR

ROAR a STRANGELY EROTIC BATTLE CRY

[Force Lord]

LIFTS JANITOR with NECK. THROWS HIM BACKWARDS, HEAD DOWN.

[Shroom Man 777]

COUNTERACT the ATTEMPTED POWERBOMB by TURNING IT into a HURRICANRANA

[Force Lord]

LIFTS HIMSELF OFF GROUND. THROWS ROCKS AT JANITOR.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY reminds HISTORIAN and COMBAT JANITOR that you are both fighting in front of the RUSSIANS, and that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are important.

[Shroom Man 777]

TELL the RUSSIANS that PART OF THE IN-FLIGHT and POST-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT is a BARE-KNUCKLE FIGHTING COMPETITION with GAMBLING.

[Simon_Jester]

TELL the RUSSIANS that CULTIST is a FILTHY STOWAWAY who tried to STEAL A RIDE on our SPACEPLANE, and that I am BEATING HIM for this reason.

They are good libertarian anarcho-capitalists, surely they will understand.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY asks RUSSIANS for directions to HANGAR and MAINTENANCE CREW.

[PeZook]

February 23rd 2025
Sunday


ROUND 2

Okhotsk International Airport
Russia

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, REPAIR GUY, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, QUIET HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST, CHEEKY BETTY, RI'ANN SHAPP and UNEXPECTED PASSENGER.

You are at an AIRPORT. The AIRPORT is RUN DOWN and in DISREPAIR. The AIRPORT is VERY RUSSIAN. It is MORNING. Is is RATHER COLD. It is EVIDENT by LOOKING at TROPICAL BEAUTY.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has QUICKLY and FLUENTLY taken on the ROLE of a RICH FUCK. It comes NATURALLY to HIM. ETERNAL FREEDOM does not THINK much of it and INTERVENES out of FEAR of DESTROYING your PRECARIOUSLY SECURE situation.

ETERNAL FREEDOM DRAGS SUAVE PLAYBOY ASIDE to the DISMAY of the RUSSIANS. He GIVES him a VAGUE THREAT before going BACK.

ETERNAL FREEDOM begins to NEGOTIATE with the RUSSIANS. IVAN IVANOV TAKES the OPPORTUNITY to QUIETLY DELIVER a MUCH less VAGUE THREAT to SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH is ABSURDLY TERRIFIED of the THINGS said by IVAN IVANOV.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH GRUNTS.

IVAN PYOTREVICH goes PALE.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Da! We can accomodate! You fine businessmen, good business practice, da, not like those communists from Europe!

IVAN PYOTREVICH produces a PIECE of PAPER. The PIECE of PAPER has a LIST.

Code: Select all

SERVICES AVAILABLE TO GLOURIOUS CUSTOMERS OF OKHOTSK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

<meaningless marketing letter of introduction>

PRICES

VIP HANGAR SPACE*: 15 000 $ per week
VIP SERVICE PACKAGE**: 5 000 $ per day
STANDARD AIRPORT PACKAGE***: 1000 $ per day
STANDARD HANGAR SPACE****: 2000 $ per week
BUDGET AIRPORT PACKAGE*****: 500$ per day

*VIP Hangar space is entire private hangar with office and rest facilities for ground crews
**Package includes: free tubenetwebs, cable TV, access to VIP lounge, personal security beacons, access to spa, boarding at airport hotel, office space in main terminal. Price per person.
***: Access to standard lounge, paid tubenetwebs, boardings at low-class airport hotel. Price per flight team.
****: Your plane will be stowed wherever there is space, most likely with many othe rplanes and lots of other people. Seriously, get the VIP package!
*****: Get spot on lawn under the blue sky. No airport packages available for this option. Bring own sleeping bags.

REFUELLING FEES: 
HYDROGEN/LOX MIX: 5.60$/kg
KEROSENE: 4$/KG
HYDRAZINE: 8$/KG

PRICE INCLUDES GROUND CREW SERVICES

CLEANING AND REPAIR SERVICES AVAILABLE. FEES INDIVIDUALLY NEGOTIATED.

SPECIAL PROMOTION! REUSEABLE SPACECRAFT INSPECTION FOR ORBITAL FLIGHT FOR ONLY 150 000$! LIMITED OFFER INQUIRE NOW!

FREE AK RIFLE FOR EVERY PURCHASE FROM THIS LIST

ETERNAL FREEDOM READS the PAMPHLET quite CAREFULLY. He INQUIRES about the POSSIBILITY of BARTER.

IVAN PYOTREVICH begins to THINK.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Da, we can work something out! For three bombs we can...

SUDDENLY the UNEXPECTED PASSENGER begins to CHANT something. MAD SCIENTIST ASSAULTS HIM. QUIET HISTORIAN is not so QUIET anymore and BEGINS his own CHANT.

UNEXPECTED PASSENGER is ZAPPED with a LOGIC PROBE. It is VERY PAINFUL. COMBAT JANITOR attempts to STUFF a PIECE of CRAP into HISTORIAN and is ASSAULTED in TURN.

There is a BRAWL. It is VERY NASTY.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Yells: No fighting! No fighting at airport! Or I call security!

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH GRUNTS

ETERNAL FREEDOM is QUITE unmoved.

ETERNAL FREDOM Says: I don't suppose you have a handgun I could purchase?

IVAN PYOTREVICH is TAKEN ABACK.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Who do you take us for? Of course we have handgun for sale! We have handgun and other gun too! We are not communists! AKs for everyone here!

MAD SCIENTIST is FROTHING at the MOUTH. He is VICIOUSLY beating up the CULTIST and HISTORIAN.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH shoots a LOOK towards IVAN IVANOV. He DECIDES the CREEPY RUSSIAN won't MIND. SYERGEY IOSEFOVICH takes out GRENADE of SOME SORT and THROWS it at the BRAWL.

The GRENADE EXPLODES with BLINDING FLASH and TERRIFYING BLAST.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH expertly TIES UP the INCAPACITATED group consisting of COMBAT JANITOR, INSANE HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST and UNEXPECTED PASSENGER with ZIPCUFFS.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Da. Is very strange team you have. We are not prying, is free country, but no more fighting at my airport, da? Or we do bad things. We take plane. We take some fingers.

IVAN PYOTREVICH GLANCES at IVAN IVANOV. He is not SURE if the CREEPY RUSSIAN APPROVES of his THREAT.

Fortunately, is DISTRACTION as LARGE WOUNDED DOG YELPS.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Is that dog? Why do you have dog?

REPAIR GUY IGNORES the SCUFFLE and ASKS for DIRECTIONS to MAINTENANCE CREW.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH GRUNTS in ANNOYANCE.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Da, you get contact to maintenance if you buy subscription first! Can't have planes standing around, bad for business! Time is money! Prices good, da? You like prices?

What do you do?_
Spoiler

Yeah I am annoyed by magic too. I warned people it would backfire horribly if used too much but they don't seem to listen...so prepare for backfires

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY, knowing that TROPICAL BEAUTY doesn't speak ENGLISH, wonders if maybe we could use her as an ENTICEMENT for the RUSSIANS and give us DISCOUNT. REPAIR GUY runs it by GROUP first.

[Zixinus]

Thank SYERGYEY for his ASSISTANCE. TELL HIM that he really CARES ABOUT HIS COSTUMERS. I'm too tired to discipline this mad lot at the moment and he has convently taken care of the problem.

Whisper to Eternal Freedom: "We should bite the bullet and just take the VIP hangar. We can then avoid paying hotels, so there is a price saver. It's per week, so it should last until we make repairs and wait for our clients to arrive. Oh, and may I again insist that you don't buy weapons from these people? I am certain that between Ivan and myself, we can find a better seller."

Tell Ivan that if the GRU has jobs, we are willing to take it. After this one of course and depending on the nature of the job.

[doom3607]

CTHULHU CULTIST WONDERS WHY CTHULHU HAS FORSAKEN HIM TO THESE LUNATICS.
Spoiler

Yes, this group is crazy even by his standards.

[Eternal_Freedom]

AGREE with ZIXINUS. TELL RUSSIAN's we'll TAKE the VIP set of EVERYTHING, as well as REFUELLING and CLEANING SERVICES.

TELL THEM: "On second thoughts, handgun not necessary. I can discipline this lot just fine" CRACKS KNUCKLES THREATENINGLY. MORPH ONCE MORE into BADASS.

[PeZook]

February 23rd 2025
Sunday


ROUND 3

Okhotsk International Airport
Russia

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, REPAIR GUY, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, QUIET HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST, CHEEKY BETTY, RI'ANN SHAPP and UNEXPECTED PASSENGER.

You are at an AIRPORT. The AIRPORT is RUN DOWN and in DISREPAIR. The AIRPORT is VERY RUSSIAN. It is MORNING. Is is RATHER COLD. It is EVIDENT by LOOKING at TROPICAL BEAUTY.

The BRAWL has SUBSIDED. You have managed to FINISH the NEGOTIATIONS properly.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: We'll take the full VIP set of everything.

IVAN PYOTREVICH BEAMS at YOU. He is VERY HAPPY.

IVAN PYOTREVICH: Excellent, excellent!

IVAN PYOTREVICH GLANCES at IVAN IVANOV to GAUGE his REACTION.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: We will take payment...

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH GRUNTS with FEAR.

IVAN PYOTREVICH Says: Uh, we will send you the bill in two to four working days! In the meantime, who will use the VIP package? It is per person, you know. We need to make ID card, da?

The CONVERSATION is SURPRISINGLY NORMAL despite the SOUNDS of VICIOUS BATTLE not that FAR AWAY.

What do you do? _

[PeZook]

CTHULHU CULTIST WONDERS WHY CTHULHU HAS FORSAKEN HIM TO THESE LUNATICS.

INSANE CULTIST has RUN into this CONUNDRUM before. It is POSSIBLE to ASK the QUESTION DIRECTLY with a MODEST CULT SETUP.

You may NOT like the ANSWER, though.

You didn't the last time you tried.

[doom3607]

The Cthulhu cultists consider suicide to save the tattered shreds of his sanity, but he decides against it. He has an idea that may help, and begins quietly preparing a modest metal-beinding spell and an equally modest fire spell.
Spoiler

The idea is to use them to try to bend broken bits of the ship back together, then weld them in place. Acceptable small use of magic?

[PeZook]

It is probably quite ILL-ADVISED to start MESSING with INTERNAL STRUCTURE of the SPACECRAFT while having NO IDEA what the HELL one is DOING.

[doom3607]

Who said internal structure? I was going to try to permanently meld the wing back together. No offense, but that sealant won't hold together forever. Depending on what the janitor's been eating, anyway...

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST reacts to FLASHBANG by going "Aaarghaarghaargh." Some DISTANT CORNER of MAD SCIENTIST'S BRAIN thinks "well played..."

SHOCK WAVE from FLASHBANG damages MAD SCIENTIST'S DOC BROWN HAIR, causing it to COLLAPSE. MAD SCIENTIST reverts to MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

After APPROXIMATELY RECOVERING from FLASHBANG, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST apologizes to AIRPORT AUTHORITIES. Explains that he was punishing a FILTHY STOWAWAY who tried to STEAL A RIDE on our MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE, and he got CARRIED AWAY with ADMINISTERING PUNISHMENT for THIEVERY.

Promises IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

[PeZook]

Who said internal structure? I was going to try to permanently meld the wing back together. No offense, but that sealant won't hold together forever. Depending on what the janitor's been eating, anyway...

It should WORK, yes, to MELT the HOLE.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST might have a THING or TWO to SAY about the VIABILITY of such a PATCH as a PROPER HEAT SHIELD, though.