Vast, Secret Right Wing Conspiracy Siezes Control
"Of Course This Means We're No Longer 'Secret'" Says Leader
Stadtsgradburg, AP Wire-- Control of the government was siezed today by a vast, secret right-wing conspiracy, said conspiracy leader MK Sheppard at a formal press briefing within the Cheyenne Mountain Facility of NORAD, in Colorado.
"We control the armed forces, the militant groups, and the economy," Sheppard confirmed, "we control the horizontal. We control the vertical, too. Do not attempt to adjust your television."
All over the country, right-wingers celebrated their secret, conspiratorical victory by burning copies of the book "Iron John" and drawing funky handlebar mustaches on pictures of syndicated liberal columnist Molly Ivens.
"I've waited for this day for all of my life," said NRA member Phil McCracken, choking back sobs of joyous emotion, "I can now proudly drive my SUV to WalMart and get a new color TV for my trailer. I also got a new gun for my wife," he said, a smile beaming across his face, "Best trade I ever made."
All over, Bloods, Crips, the KKK and the Black Panthers lined up to receive wads of cash from Jewish bankers wearing "Kahane was Right" t-shirts. Each wad of cash was dipped in blood before being distributed. "It gives the cash such a crisp, new feel when it dries," explained Coyote Shyster, "Hey, would you like a 'Property of the Illuminati' T-shirt? They're two for the price of one in the Gift Shop."
When asked about his future plans for the Democratic Party-- much of which had been rounded up and placd in camps in Waco, Texas-- Sheppard just cackled evilly from beneath the cowl of his black robe. A strongman, rumored to be the renegade criminal ninja known only as "Sea Skimmer", then pushed reporters back. "No more questions," he ordered.
Hippie leaders were asked for comment, but only one spokesman could be found in the dizzying haze of marijuana smoke. The stoned and jobless drifter, known only by the inistials Q.S., when asked his opinion on the vast right-wing takeover, had only the following quote--
"Whooaah, dude. Check it out. That tree is humping an elephant."
Something about Libertarianism always bothered me. Then one day, I realized what it was:
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!