Somebody Get This Kid a Hack License

[Raw Shark]

“He was a good driver”: 10-year-old leads Ohio police on an hour-long, 100 mph car chase

By Kyle Swenson | The Washington Post
October 27, 2017 at 6:21 am

The sedan ripped down the Ohio turnpike like a cannonball, the odometer pushing 100 mph as a dozen police and state cruisers tagged behind in pursuit.

Under a cloud-streaked blue sky, the vehicle dipped in and out of lanes of morning traffic, eventually running off the highway completely.

“He’s off road, driving down the ditch,” one of the Ohio State Highway Patrol troopers radioed to the rest of the pursuers, according to dash cam footage. “We are not going to let him get back on the highway.”

But the car kept driving, speeding through the grass running parallel to the roadway.

“Can you advise on intentional contact to stop him?” a trooper radioed.

“One car as gently as possible,” another answered. Slowly, one of the Highway Patrol cars nudged the fleeing vehicle, bringing it to a stop after a 45-mile high-speed chase outside of Cleveland.

Quickly law enforcement swarmed the vehicle.

Troopers reached through the window for the driver, yanking out a 10-year-old who had stolen the family car. It was the second time in as many weeks the unnamed boy had gone joyriding, Cleveland.com reports.

The hour-long chase started in Cleveland earlier Thursday morning. The boy grabbed the keys while waiting for his sister to take him to school. While she showered, he snagged the keys to his mother’s boyfriend’s car, according to Cleveland.com.
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Realizing what had happened, the boy’s mother jumped in her own car and pursued the speeding car as the boy piloted around the Cleveland highway and made for the turnpike.

“My ten-year-old stole his dad’s car and he’s running from me,” the mother told a 911 dispatcher.

After police stopped the car, the boy was taken into custody. No charges have been filed yet.

“He was a good driver for being 10-years-old,” an eyewitness to the chase told News 5. “He was three foot tall, he was a very short kid. I don’t even see how he looked over the steering wheel.”

[Gandalf]

Yeah, hopefully this family gets a visit from social services sooner rather than later.

[TheFeniX]

the odometer pushing 100 mph

Someone's looking to beat Han's record for the Kessel Run.

[FireNexus]

Not every shitty kid is from shitty family. Though it correlates fairly strongly. She’s going to be in kiddie jail for a while though.

[Raw Shark]

Speaking as a curious, devious, and adventurous former kid who managed to find probably everything my family had that I wasn't supposed to see, touch, or even know about (hardcore porn at age 6? Check. The funniest was literally called, "Fuck Me Up the Ass Magazine"), I'd imagine that even if his Dad started hiding the keys, he might be hard-pressed to keep them that way.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND: I can't believe your Dad has this stuff!

ME: I can. Maybe yours does, too.

CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND: Dude, have you seen my Step Mom?

ME: Okay, you've got me there.

[TheFeniX]

Since no one thought my reference was worth laughing at, I'm instead forced to go the Raw Shark route and tell you a story about finding porn in my parent's room. It was a High School QB (who looked to be in his 30's, :insert "teen" movie joke here:) who got knocked out by a tackle. So, two cheerleaders find him unconscious in the locker room and rub smelling salts on their nether regions and rub said nether regions on the QB's face and... nether region to wake him up. He wakes up and hi-jinks ensue.

I, of course, being very young was watching and said "But WHAT ABOUT WINNING THE BIG GAME?"

Women had a lot of bush back then, but at least guys weren't smacking them around and calling them dirty sluts.

Raw Shark might get this: what's the one thing you made sure to do after watching your parent's (or older brother's) porn? Rewind the fucking tape! Rookie move if you get caught because you failed to follow "Be Kind, Rewind."

I have to give Shark some credit. His posts almost never fail to remind me of some bullshit from my past. You're doing the Lord's work, son.

[Terralthra]

PSA: do not rub ammonium spirits (the usual contents of "smelling salts") on your nether region.

[Raw Shark]

Raw Shark might get this: what's the one thing you made sure to do after watching your parent's (or older brother's) porn? Rewind the fucking tape! Rookie move if you get caught because you failed to follow "Be Kind, Rewind."

To be fair, I thought the Kessel Run thing was funny; I just kind of thought that would be assumed here.

When I was six we didn't even have a VHS player. I'm talking about actual print magazines (Fuck I'm old). My first really shocking experience with VHS was Robocop, at 10. I'm reasonably certain that the boardroom scene was the first time I popped a non-random proto-sexual boner.

I have to give Shark some credit. His posts almost never fail to remind me of some bullshit from my past. You're doing the Lord's work, son.

Thank you, Sir. I aim to entertain.

[Solauren]

Yeah, the family clearly has some issues.

The question is, are they family wide, or limited to one person.

As for the 10 year old being a good driver.....

I'm reminded of both the introductory sequence for James T Kirk in 'Star Trek' and the recent movie 'Baby Driver'

[Broomstick]

I'm talking about actual print magazines (Fuck I'm old). My first really shocking experience with VHS was Robocop, at 10.

You're a baby - when Robocop came out I was already many years adult, legally buying my own booze, and roaming Chicago. I told people I was going to see Robocop in the theater because I was homesick for Detroit.

[Highlord Laan]

I'm talking about actual print magazines (Fuck I'm old). My first really shocking experience with VHS was Robocop, at 10.

You're a baby - when Robocop came out I was already many years adult, legally buying my own booze, and roaming Chicago. I told people I was going to see Robocop in the theater because I was homesick for Detroit.

Wow. The first real movie experience I can recall was my older bothers sneaking me into the old cinema 3, now long gone, to see Terminator 2 when it came out in '91. I was eight. Rather than getting nightmares, I thought it was awesome.

What did give me nightmares back then was watching Aliens at my uncles house when I was..seven, I think.

I miss good sci-fi action movies like those. One part sci-fi ultraviolence, one part genuinely well done characters, one part horror. It'd probably tank in todays box office for not being family friendly enough. Or not having enough bright colors and opportunities for product placement.

[Ziggy Stardust]

The first movie theater I can vividly recall was Stargate. Man, that movie was sweet.

[Broomstick]

First movie I remember seeing in the theater is Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. Which is a bit different in tone than most of the others named so far.

[Zaune]

For me, it was Hook.

[Dragon Angel]

I distinctly recall seeing Star Trek VI, my dad took me and probably my mom to the theater. That's the earliest movie I can recall anyway, I was 5 at the time I think. There may have been others but my mom and dad were firm believers of the VHS.

[TheFeniX]

To be fair, I thought the Kessel Run thing was funny; I just kind of thought that would be assumed here.

A young boy needs validation every once in a while.

When I was six we didn't even have a VHS player. I'm talking about actual print magazines (Fuck I'm old). My first really shocking experience with VHS was Robocop, at 10. I'm reasonably certain that the boardroom scene was the first time I popped a non-random proto-sexual boner.

I think mine was bootleg copies of the first 3-4 episodes of Robotech my bother got from a friend. An "adult" cartoon as (IIRC) this would be a few years before The Simpsons, which barely rates in the same category.

I had likely seen dudes bite it before, but this was cartoon violence. A few years later, we would get the actual VHS tapes and there's this part where the Good Guys™ are fleeing from the Bad Guys™ and Max's mech is going nuclear, so they bail. And this soldier openes the door to the elevator and the Mech goes nuclear in front of him. The camera cuts to the hallway and the explosion jets into the guy and just "ashes" him as he let's out this piercing scream. The scene is like, this slowly dissolving silhouette completely surrounded by flames.

Though when Dr. Romano gets run over by Red Foreman in Robocop and goes all chunky salsa on the windshield..... that fucked me up.

You're a baby - when Robocop came out I was already many years adult, legally buying my own booze, and roaming Chicago. I told people I was going to see Robocop in the theater because I was homesick for Detroit.

Heheh, oh.. that's funny. Because when you want to film a movie about Detroit being a blasted shit-hole, you go to Houston.

[Broomstick]

Part of Robocop was actually filmed in the Detroit area. In fact, the scene you reference was filmed in the old Rouge River plant. Part of the fun was picking out the actual Detroit scenes and what was filmed elsewhere.

BTW - the Texas locations were actually Dallas, not Houston.

[TheFeniX]

Really? Shit, I'll take your word for it. We were talking about it years back when a friend realized "Sidekicks" was filmed in Houston as one of the training montages takes place where he used to skate... and got a ticket for doing so. Ha! Remember when Chuck Norris was relevant? Damn those were some terrible times. Him and Seagal were so desperate to be Arnold (but with KUNG-FU!) but lacked any Charisma or scene presence.

Weird side-note, this all came up because a stoner we used to hang out with was an extra during the classroom scene where everyone freaks out in "Powder." I think they paid him $100. We were such shitty friends, we were all "Couldn't you have been in a less terrible movie?"

NOTE: I actually didn't mind "Powder," but 20-something "men" never want for an excuse to be shitty people to other 20-something "men."

[EnterpriseSovereign]

As good as Terminator 2 is, the extended version is on another level- once you see it you never want to go back to the theatrical one!

The earliest film I can recall seeing was The Lion King, with Mum (Dad saw True Lies one screen over!). But then I was 9 at the time; since then I've seen the latter loads of times. With the former, just once!

[Bedlam]

I can remember watching The Empire Strikes back at the cinema, however as I would have been about two and a half when it first came out I suspect it was a later release. At that point, at least in the UK, films tended to have an intermission in the middle where you could get ice cream or stretch your legs. I can specifically remember the curtains closing on Yoda saying there was another.

[Zaune]

Wish they still did that. I might've made it through The Two Towers without a throbbing headache.

[LaCroix]

Wish they still did that. I might've made it through The Two Towers without a throbbing headache.

Over here, they still do that for extra lenght movies - gives them the chance to fleece you twice on overpriced drinks and snacks.