Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

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TimothyC
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Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by TimothyC »

The Dayton Daily News - Seriously, it's not a joke. wrote:Updated: 8:58 p.m. Thursday, March 21, 2013 | Posted: 2:36 p.m. Thursday, March 21, 2013
Prosecutor indicts groundhog for misrepresentation of early spring


By News Staff

HAMILTON —

Butler County Prosecutor Mike Gmoser decided to do something about the frustration of many in the area who believed the famous ground hog who predicted an early spring last month.

With the snow flying today and more in forecast for the weekend, Gmoser imposed the death penalty on Punxsutawney Phil for “misrepresentation of early spring.”

The direct indictment distributed by email says: “On or about February 2, 2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.”

Contrary to the Groundhog Day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been predicted to continue in the near future. That, according to Gmoser’s news release, constitutes the offense of “misrepresentation of early spring, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.”

Gmoser laughed Thursday, saying he didn’t care if he had no jurisdiction in Pennsylvania, he said he was going to seek extradition.
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by Flagg »

That or... It's a joke.
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

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It couldn't be more a joke if it said Onion.

How many weather groundhogs are there anyway?
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That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
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Losonti Tokash
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

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Conservative has no sense of humor, news at 11.
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by PhilosopherOfSorts »

Gandalf wrote:It couldn't be more a joke if it said Onion.

How many weather groundhogs are there anyway?

Yeah, seriously, this is a joke on the part of the prosecuter.


Just the one, Punxatawney Phil, of Punxatawney, PA. The story, for any who might be unaware, is that on Feb 2, appropriately called Groundhog Day, Phil comes out of his burrow, and if he doesn't see his shadow, that means an early spring, but if he does see his shadow, that means six more weeks of winter.
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by KlavoHunter »

Gandalf wrote:How many weather groundhogs are there anyway?
Quite a few actually, both by checking Wikipedia, and having eaten breakfast once at my hometown's Groundhog's Day breakfast. Jimmy The Groundhog also predicted early spring this year, the lyin' bastard...
"The 4th Earl of Hereford led the fight on the bridge, but he and his men were caught in the arrow fire. Then one of de Harclay's pikemen, concealed beneath the bridge, thrust upwards between the planks and skewered the Earl of Hereford through the anus, twisting the head of the iron pike into his intestines. His dying screams turned the advance into a panic."'

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Frank Hipper
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by Frank Hipper »

So happy that when my hometown finally makes it to N&P, it's not something fatally embarrasing.
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Darth Lucifer
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Re: Local county prosecutor goes nuts, indicts groundhog

Post by Darth Lucifer »

I heard about this locally, it's spitting distance from where i live.

People also give me shit because I'm a groundhog baby. Like I somehow have the power to turn off the winter.
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